wishing you were here
At this moment, I'm sitting at my laptop alone in my room listening to really beautiful soothing music and feeling really sad. Nick just left this morning to go back to Oregon which is like a 7 hour drive back on a bus. I know this sounds lame and i don't think anyone can relate... but it's hard when he leaves at the end of every weekend. I miss him even though i know he'll be back. it just seems so long when he will come back. I thought i understood what long distance meant... but i didn't know it was this hard. I'm sorry if i'm complaining or just expressing emotions u guys probably don't want to hear, but i just thought i'd get this out because it makes me feel a bit better to read my feelings. It's just hard right now for me at UW. Even though a whole lot of ihs kids came here, i still feel like i don't know anyone here and i'm not fitting in like i thought i would. Classes seem to be a waste of time because all i want to do is spend time with my friends who are hundreds of miles away. i don't get it. College isn't what i thought it was. It isn't even what people have told me it has been like for them at college. What am i going to do? I could transfer... start all over again but i don't know if i can do that. not just because it's hard but because financially and all that other stuff, i don't know if that is possible for my family. I don't want to have to put them through that. Plus i have family here, living so close by but also i want to have some freedom and break off from that. yea... so college life isn't that grand for me... wow i really miss nick right now and the cd he made for me isn't helping either. this is a weird simile but i feel like a cat in that there is a ball of string someone is holding and i'm trying to catch it and everytime i do catch it, i'm so happy and excited but then the person pulls that ball of string back and dangles it above me again as if trying to play with my emotions. Inside i'm torn and confused and just wishing i had everyone back in my life again like it was before.