Asexual Awareness Week : prompts and discussion

[kahuna_burger]

So I missed posting this on the weekend, but this week is Asexual Awareness Week, which promotes understanding of asexual, aromantic and demisexual individuals. While I don't personally fall into any of those catagories, I do think awareness of the variety of human conditions is a good thing, both as people in general and as writers

Comments

[scribble_myname]

Question: as I understand it, indifference to sex is the defining characteristic not actually dislike and aversion. Is that right?

I accidentally wrote a character who by the definitions I've been able to dig up is asexual. She can take it or leave it as she says but draws the line at multiple orgasms. She'll have sex but she's not attracted sexually or anything; she uses it when appropriate according to her own fairly practical criteria and doesn't bother with it at other times.

I'm 90% sure she's asexual, but I kind of wanted to verify that with someone who's actually familiar from real life asexuals not just a textbook.

[guineamania]

Hey,
there is a very very very wide ace spectrum so it could be indifference or if could be as far to say disgust of sex.

I am personally a heteroromatic asexual (so I like to think I know what I am talking about) and my best definition for how I feel is like you said, aversion but in the community I know many people who vary across this spectrum.

I believe your character would be defined as ace, if she doesn't particularly care about sex or desire for it then that is still ace in my book.

[scribble_myname]

Thanks for the feedback. I've been a little on the fence with her because she does have a relationship and it does sometimes involve sex, for him though, not for her.

[guineamania]

It's fine :)
That is perfectly normal with being ace. I know one of my friends who describes sex in her relationship as making him happy. He knows that she doesn't desire sex but he does; for them it was about finding a balance probably quite like the one you describe!

[starry_wolf]

Hi! As guineamania has mentioned, the most useful definition for asexuality is whether or not the person feels sexual attraction towards others (I understand it to be "a desire to have sex with a specific person", or colloquially "want to climb him/her like a tree", and it took me a decade to even begin to figure out what that even means). The spectrum deals with situations where one might feel this desire occasionally, not at all, or only towards (a) specific person(s).

An asexual can absolutely have sex (e.g. because they want to make their partner feel pleasure, because they want a child, etc.) and they can absolutely gain sexual pleasure from it (since this is largely a physical response).

On the flip-side, there are also sex-repulsed individuals, who do not even have to be asexual. Whether or not someone wants to have orgasms has nothing to do with sexual orientation (:

Hope this helps!

[scribble_myname]

Thank you! Yes, helpful.