My Apology Fic..For You Guys...Read It, It Has Sex! xD
Title: Hello, Angel
Author: 1_crashqueen_1 (who else?)
Bandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Rating: R for Language, Sexual Situations, and Mental Illness (forreal doe I wrote a sex scene sort of gah what even I'm such a perv)
Disclaimer:This is as fake as Nicki Minaj's booty. Which is very fake.
Summary: Frank sees someone he never thought he'd see again. Gerard.
Authors Notes: Wow I feel like that's a boring ass summary fosho. Oh well. If this is weird at all it's because I was listening to a weird mix of music and also I just watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and I just was emotionally whack. Also, don't flame my awkward sex scene type thing because if you know me, you know how I feel about writing those! But I did it anyway for you!
SO, I wrote this up out of guilt because I have been terrible about keeping up with LJ! You guys have no idea how much work I'm doing, and I have had a spare hour or two here and there, but really I use that time to try and mend my sanity, sorry. I've decided to go ahead and warm up to the fact that I have very little time for LJ.
My plan is not to abandon it, never fear! But I don't think I'll be making any long term commitments to fics anytime soon and keeping up with long comment threads (innocent_wolves ermagerd bb I miss you I'm so sorry wtf aghhshjeh) will be difficult. I'm planning on just writing a few oneshots for awhile. I'm finishing Love Looks Not, then I'll post them all at once, I think. So there's that.
Uhm....for any of you that read my story but don't comment or we don't talk or whatever (if you exist lolol) I'm always on twitter so hit me up at 1CrashQueen1 so we can be best buds. I feel lame now. Like one of those follower-hungry people.
AHSHWSHDEHDC enough talking. Read my story! xD
At first,Frank was sure that he was dreaming. He pinched himself and realized that he
wasn’t. Maybe it was just reflections of the weak sun against the bright white
snow. An optical illusion of the swirling white, perhaps? Or, was it even
possible for mirages to be formed out of cold snowas well as in the desert?
Because Gerard was walking right towards him, and no matter how hard Frank blinked
or rubbed his eyes, nothing changed.
Frank hadn’t been able to force Gerard out of his mind completely. He still bombarded Frank’s dreams, sometimes turning them into emotionally taxing nightmares. But ever since Goodwin had forced Gerard away from Frank, he’d never appeared outside of the darkest corners of Frank’s subconscious. Which had been a relief. And yet here he was, trudging through the snow, in the flesh, towards Frank. And the bastard had a smile on his face. As hard as Frank wished him away, Gerard came closer. It was slowly killing poor Frank, who was frozen to the spot.
After a few anxiety-filled minutes, Gerard was standing in front of him staring into his wide eyes.
“Hey, Frankie.” His voice was hushed and gentle. It still didn’t help the blow of the absolute flooring quality of his beauty. Frank was stunned. Gerard wore slim-cut charcoal pants, the kind Frank thought suited him perfectly, with a mid-thigh length black trench coat, collar upturned against the cold. A red and green scarf was tucked around his neck (how festive of him) and was framed by the mop of dark hair, now speckled with snowflakes, that Frank had run his hands through many a time. In short, he was breathtaking, an angel of winter.
And Frank hated him for it.
“Hi...” Frank immediately felt self-conscious in his ratty jeans and red sweatshirt. But Gerard still looked him up and down with an impressed look, as if he was surprised that Frank had been able to go on without him. Not a completely improbable assumption.
“Didn’t expect to see me again, did you?” a coy smile graced Gerard’s lips. Frank shook his head sheepishly.
“You left for good. Well, I was pretty sure I’d gotten rid of you.” He laughed nervously. He didn’t mean it in a bad way, and somehow Gerard knew that. He always knew everything.
“You mean your precious Goodwin made me leave.” Gerard corrected.
“You...you...I wanted you to leave. I needed you gone.” His excuse sounded pathetic, and he knew it. Frank was turning to putty in Gerard’s hands already and they’d only been speaking for a few seconds. Gerard frowned.
“You’re not well, Frankie.” Gerard stated bluntly. “You haven’t been taking your meds, have you?” Gerard’s features were laced with concern, and a little bit of smugness. While Frank wanted to angrily inform him that it should’ve been obvious that he wasn’t taking his meds, he held back.
“It’s only been a couple days..” Frank protested. A week and four days, to be exact. Gerard softly gripped the shorter man’s shoulders.
“Let’s get out of this cold. I’m gonna help you.” He tugged Frank’s sleeve towards the sidewalk.
“As if you’re the one I should get help from!”
“That was rude.” Gerard remarked. “Come on.” Frank agreed to walk along with him, only because people were starting to stare. He wondered how angry Goodwin would’ve been if she knew that Gerard had come back. She’d probably be livid. Gerard and Frank nearly rubbed shoulders as they walked. Frank slumped a little, wary of the beautiful man next to him.
“You were supposed to disappear.” Frank mumbled. Goodwin had promised that Frank would never see Gerard again. It’d been devastating to hear, but gradually he’d gotten used to it until he was happy to have the man gone. Now that same man had pranced right back.
“But here I am!” Gerard chirped in reply. A bit of tension and anger bubbled up inside Frank, and he bit his lip before speaking loudly.
“Don’t you get it? I’ve been getting better! I should cut you loose.” He spat.
“But you won’t.” Those words cut through Frank like a sword, along with Gerard’s knowing smirk. He didn’t care about the people staring at him anymore as he gaped at Gerard, and himself. Gerard was right, Frank would never really deny him a place in his life. Not really. He was so hopelessly in love with Gerard, it wasn’t even funny.
After that, Frank was too singed by those words to speak to Gerard any longer. Before he knew it they’d walked all the way to his apartment.
“Why did we come he-“
“I missed your place.” Gerard interrupted him. Something possessed Frank to open the door and let Gerard in. They walked silently to the elevator. Once the doors closed, Gerard seemed much too close for comfort.
“Look, you can only stay for-oh!” Frank was cut off by hot breath on his neck. Gerard had nuzzled into him.
“I really missed you too, Frankie.” He nearly purred. Frank winced, half-trying to shrug away.
“This isn’t what I wante-“
“Yes it is.” Gerard had an annoying habit of knowing what Frank was gonna say and interrupting him. The elevator doors opened and a middle-aged couple stared wide eyed at Frank, who’d melted shamelessly into Gerard. Frank nodded to them and untangled from him, bolting down the hall.
Once safely inside Frank’s apartment, he went to make some coffee for himself and Gerard, who followed him in with that same coy grin stuck to his stupid gorgeous face.He watched Frank pour the beans into the coffeemaker and start it up, not flinching when the ridiculously loud grinding began.
“So..” Gerard drew out the ‘o’.
“What?” Frank bristled, on edge.
“Why’d you let her take me away?” Gerard crossed his arms.
“It was better that way..” Frank responded. Gerard scoffed.
“That’s what Goodwin told you. What did you think?” Frank wasn’t sure what he’d thought. Life with Gerard was wonderful, addictive in all the right ways. Gerard was essentially a drug, a crazy hallucinogenic that made you float on air. But Goodwin had helped him understand that normal life just didn’t work like that. He was sick, and having Gerard around hadn’t made him any better. Gerard was intense, and sometimes hard to handle. Find the problem, and weed it out. had been Goodwin’s mantra. Gerard hadn’t seemed like a problem...
“It wasn’t easy.” Frank admitted. “But I needed it. I’m getting better.” That was when Gerard let out a mean laugh.
“Come on, Frankie! You’re completely ashen, you’ve gotten too thin, you’re jittery, on edge. And don’t think I didn’t notice those dark circles! You’re the opposite of better.” The coffee had finished brewing. Frank poured it into two red mugs with trembling hands. All of a sudden, Gerard grabbed Frank’s wrists and pulled him firmly to face forward, looking straight into his eyes.
That was the kind of thing that was so alluring about Gerard, the thing that made Frank’s breath hitch and his knees wobble. The smirk, the smoldering eyes, the teasing. He was bold, brash, confident. Sexy. He had a sort of passionate nature, like there were always flames underneath his skin. He claimed what was his (namely Frank) and didn’t take no for an answer, though not in an angry or cruel way. But through all of it, he was so gentle. It was a crippling combination. Almost as if Gerard was merciful, which made him sound godly. But he wasn’t...at least, not really.
“I know you.” Gerard began, softly stroking Frank’s cheek. “I know you better than Goodwin or anyone else. I also know myself. And that we can fix each other.” He was so convincing. Or maybe the skilled hands tracing patterns down Frank’s middle were doing all the work.
“But you’re not...” Frank cut himself off with a sigh. Having Gerard touch him again was was so tension-releasing, finally getting a dose of that drug he needed. “Not...” Gerard’s lips attacked his full force. Not an angry kiss, but a hungry one. Reclaiming old territory. The second kiss was gentler, sweeter.
“Feel better yet?” Gerard mumbled into the corner of Frank’s mouth. Frank just shivered slightly. Lucky for him, there was a sturdy kitchen counter to lean on for support, because surely Frank would’ve collapsed otherwise. His resolve to deny Gerard was disappearing. He was so needy, just utter mush begging to be reshaped into a human again. As far as he could tell, however, Gerard was content to pull Frank along.
“Gerard..” Frank gained enough bodily control to gently push him away.
“Frank..” Gerard mocked, kissing down Frank’s jawline. Frank never really thought he had a certain spot that was his weakness, per se, but if he did, his jawline and neck would most likely be it. He couldn’t help but buck his hips slightly. Gerard smirked.
“Oh, so now you want to?” Gerard raised an eyebrow. Frank huffed and yanked Gerard back to him by that stupid Christmas scarf. He’d given up on the resistance. Mainly because he didn’t even want to resist in the first place. Their kisses quickly grew rougher, and by some miracle they stumbled all the way down the hall to the bedroom. Frank had gained back most of his bodily function now, and ripped away Gerard’s thick black coat. He was pretty sure he popped a button. Who cared, though?
One by one, clothes accumulated on the threadbare carpet. Gerard was being painfully slow about kissing every single drop of ink tattooed on Frank’s body, focusing on his collarbones. Frank’s needy whines had evolved into panting.
“Golly, Frank.” Gerard breathed, somehow maintaining his haughty attitude. “I wonder what Goodwin would think..?”
“Shut up!” Frank growled. Gerard’s eyes lit up. That was hot. Growling.
“I bet you’re pretty frustrated with me.” Gerard purred. “Aren’t you? Any pent up feelings?” Frank writhed, annoyed that Gerard was stalling. Gerard rolled over next to Frank and smiled deviously. Gerard wanted to be used and abused, which was unlike him. He was usually so dominant.
Unsure how to proceed, Frank timidly trailed a hand down Gerard’s torso. He got on top and let his hand make its way down to hold Gerard firmly. Gerard exhaled loudly. Frank smashed his lips against Gerard’s, feeling what it was like to dominate for a few minutes. He held a firm grip on a fistful of Gerard’s dark hair. He liked the feeling of strength. He explored every inch of pale skin, kissing and sometimes biting. His confidence grew with every whimper and groan from his partner.
Eventually, Frank reduced Gerard to a whimpering mass of jello. He sat back for only a moment before flipping Gerard over. His prep was brief and unforgiving. Without warning, he entered Gerard slowly but forcefully. Gerard made such a sexually charged whine that Frank almost lost it before he’d even begun.
Frank kept his strokes slow and gentle, until an urgent “Faster!” from Gerard made him pick up the pace. The feeling was exhilirating and Frank was seeing stars. He’d never done it this way with Gerard before. He gripped Gerard’s waist tightly, planting a kiss on the nape of his neck every so often. Gerard ducked his head so as not to smash it into the wood headboard. Gerard clutched the bedsheets and let his hips rise to meet Frank, moaning loudly each time. He was very vocal.
Frank’s movement were getting haphazzard, controlled as he tried to be, and the stupid headboard made loud knocking noises as the bed shook back and forth.
“Frank!” he heard a door slam. Then he realized the knocking hadn’t been the headboard. A knot formed in his stomach. Goodwin. All his excitement drained out of him in a split second.
“Do not tell me you just went fla-“
“Shhhh!” Frank covered Gerard’s mouth, hopping off of the bed. “That’s Goodwin you moron!” He pulled on his clothes as fast as humanly possible.
“Frank? Are you home?” Goodwin’s shoes clacked on the kitchen floor.
“Coming!” he ignored Gerard, flushed and scowling on the bed. Frank was shaking, but he tried to slow his heart rate as he walked out to see Goodwin, who couldn’t know what had been going on. He saw stopped her as she was entering the hall.
“There you are.” She said, crossing her arms.
“Yup. I was in the bathroom, sorry.” He replied. “You thirsty?” he led her away from the hallway.
“No, I was just coming to check up on you.” She told him. Frank sat down on a bar stool and motioned for her to do the same. She straightened out her navy pantsuit and did so with grace. She was all about being ladylike. That was part of the reason she hadn’t liked Gerard being in Frank’s life.
“So how are you?” he said politely.
“Well, I’m fine. But the pharmacist told me you hadn’t come to fill your prescription yet..and I believe you were supposed..” Frank stopped listening when Gerard came out, shirtless, from the bedroom. He was still pouting. Frank’s eyes bulged a little and he pleaded with his eyes for Gerard to disappear.
“Frank? Are you listening to me?” Goodwin sounded exasperated. Frank’s eyes darted to her and then back to Gerard.
“Y-yes.” He swallowed. Gerard stuck his tongue out.
“Are you seeing things again, Frank?” Goodwin furrowed her eyebrows. She knew him well enough to know when he was lying. Frank shook his head.
“No! Of course not.” Gerard rolled his eyes.
“Don’t lie to the woman, Frank!” he scolded. He seemed to read his mind. Frank sucked in his breath, like he expected Goodwin to hear Gerard. But she didn’t, of course. Frank’s eyes burned. Everything had felt so real, he didn’t care whether it really was or not.
“Frank...? Oh, are you seeing Gerard again?” sadness and anger filled Goodwin’s voice.
“No.” Frank squeaked. Goodwin stood up.
“You haven’t been taking your meds. And I told you what would happen. It’s hurting you mentally.” She remprimanded, taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose.
“She’s lying, Frank!” Gerard yelped, furious. A tear streaked down Frank’s face. Now both of them were angry at him.
“I’m guessing your flushed face means you two didn’t just talk...oh, dear.” She shook her head, grimacing. Frank looked up at Gerard, who was scowling, yet still so incredibly stunning.
“You know I love you, Frank.” Gerard begged. He knew Goodwin would get rid of him again.
“I’m sorry....he was in the park...and I...” Frank couldn’t begin to explain to her how wonderful Gerard was. She’d have to see him, which she couldn’t. Frank was the only one who’d ever get to know how beautiful Gerard was, how funny and bold and just plain irresistible.
“You’re coming with me.” She dragged Frank out to her car. Gerard chased after them, shouting curse words and crying. Frank was devastated. She shut the door on him and stomped to the driver’s seat. Gerard was leaning on the window. Frank put his hands up to the glass and mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ over and over.
“You must hate me.” Frank choked out.
“I’m helping you. Gerard. Is. Not. Real.” She sped out of Frank’s driveway, ripping him away from Gerard. Gerard ran after the car, but of course it was pointless. Gerard fell to his knees, and Frank watched him until Goodwin turned, and Frank couldn’t see him anymore.
As Goodwin drove, she thought about poor Frank. He was the only schitzophrenic she’d ever known who’d fallen so in love with a hallucination. Also the only one to form a sexual relationship with said hallucination. It blew her mind that Frank actually believed that it all was real. She’d worked with the mentally ill for years, but the fact that Frank’s body actually responded and gave sexual release was incredible. Schitzophrenia as a whole was incredibly powerful. And it broke her heart to see Frank so lost without Gerard, but she couldn’t let him live out a romance with something that didn’t exist. It wasn’t healthy.
Gerard had first appeared around a year ago, three months after she’d began treating Frank. She’d put him on a very weak antipsychotic, just to judge how he reacted. She’d hoped she wouldn’t have to use anything stronger. At first, when Frank recounted his meeting and time with Gerard, she’d thought it was a real person. Which was great, because Frank needed someone besides her in his life. But when Frank brought Gerard to meet her, he was crushed when she told him the truth. She didn’t letting her patients believe in their hallucinations was right, no matter how beloved they were.
Frank had continued to see Gerard, and still quite liked him despite the fact that he wasn’t real. And Goodwin felt that it was okay, so long as Frank remembered that Gerard was only a hallucination. Gradually, Frank fell more and more in love with Gerard, which was concerning, but a reasonable price to pay for Frank’s happiness. She’d let him stay on the weak drugs until she’d stumbled upon a perplexing scene: Frank, naked, facedown on the bed, moaning and carrying on. That was where she drew the line. Frank needed real sexual relationships, and this make-believe one just damaged his mind.
So, she’d started him on more powerful medication. But Gerard still lingered. Sometimes certain hallucinations hung around with patients. It seemed that he got angrier when the meds tried to get rid of him, and Frank often came to her, crying and blaming her for Gerard’s anger. After a few trial-and-error runs, Goodwin had finally weeded Gerard out of Frank’s mind. Until now.
Goodwin looked in the rearview and saw Frank, who seemed to have all the life sucked out of him, staring forlornly out the window. She noticed the tearstains on his face.
“Frank, I wish it didn’t have to be this way...” she said honestly. Frank didn’t answer, because in his mind, Gerard would always be real.
So I wrote that in a day....yup. Usually take more time so if it isn't that great, that's okay. But I hope you liked it! Lalala! <3
Author: 1_crashqueen_1 (who else?)
Bandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Rating: R for Language, Sexual Situations, and Mental Illness (forreal doe I wrote a sex scene sort of gah what even I'm such a perv)
Disclaimer:This is as fake as Nicki Minaj's booty. Which is very fake.
Summary: Frank sees someone he never thought he'd see again. Gerard.
Authors Notes: Wow I feel like that's a boring ass summary fosho. Oh well. If this is weird at all it's because I was listening to a weird mix of music and also I just watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and I just was emotionally whack. Also, don't flame my awkward sex scene type thing because if you know me, you know how I feel about writing those! But I did it anyway for you!
SO, I wrote this up out of guilt because I have been terrible about keeping up with LJ! You guys have no idea how much work I'm doing, and I have had a spare hour or two here and there, but really I use that time to try and mend my sanity, sorry. I've decided to go ahead and warm up to the fact that I have very little time for LJ.
My plan is not to abandon it, never fear! But I don't think I'll be making any long term commitments to fics anytime soon and keeping up with long comment threads (innocent_wolves ermagerd bb I miss you I'm so sorry wtf aghhshjeh) will be difficult. I'm planning on just writing a few oneshots for awhile. I'm finishing Love Looks Not, then I'll post them all at once, I think. So there's that.
Uhm....for any of you that read my story but don't comment or we don't talk or whatever (if you exist lolol) I'm always on twitter so hit me up at 1CrashQueen1 so we can be best buds. I feel lame now. Like one of those follower-hungry people.
AHSHWSHDEHDC enough talking. Read my story! xD
At first,Frank was sure that he was dreaming. He pinched himself and realized that he
wasn’t. Maybe it was just reflections of the weak sun against the bright white
snow. An optical illusion of the swirling white, perhaps? Or, was it even
possible for mirages to be formed out of cold snowas well as in the desert?
Because Gerard was walking right towards him, and no matter how hard Frank blinked
or rubbed his eyes, nothing changed.
Frank hadn’t been able to force Gerard out of his mind completely. He still bombarded Frank’s dreams, sometimes turning them into emotionally taxing nightmares. But ever since Goodwin had forced Gerard away from Frank, he’d never appeared outside of the darkest corners of Frank’s subconscious. Which had been a relief. And yet here he was, trudging through the snow, in the flesh, towards Frank. And the bastard had a smile on his face. As hard as Frank wished him away, Gerard came closer. It was slowly killing poor Frank, who was frozen to the spot.
After a few anxiety-filled minutes, Gerard was standing in front of him staring into his wide eyes.
“Hey, Frankie.” His voice was hushed and gentle. It still didn’t help the blow of the absolute flooring quality of his beauty. Frank was stunned. Gerard wore slim-cut charcoal pants, the kind Frank thought suited him perfectly, with a mid-thigh length black trench coat, collar upturned against the cold. A red and green scarf was tucked around his neck (how festive of him) and was framed by the mop of dark hair, now speckled with snowflakes, that Frank had run his hands through many a time. In short, he was breathtaking, an angel of winter.
And Frank hated him for it.
“Hi...” Frank immediately felt self-conscious in his ratty jeans and red sweatshirt. But Gerard still looked him up and down with an impressed look, as if he was surprised that Frank had been able to go on without him. Not a completely improbable assumption.
“Didn’t expect to see me again, did you?” a coy smile graced Gerard’s lips. Frank shook his head sheepishly.
“You left for good. Well, I was pretty sure I’d gotten rid of you.” He laughed nervously. He didn’t mean it in a bad way, and somehow Gerard knew that. He always knew everything.
“You mean your precious Goodwin made me leave.” Gerard corrected.
“You...you...I wanted you to leave. I needed you gone.” His excuse sounded pathetic, and he knew it. Frank was turning to putty in Gerard’s hands already and they’d only been speaking for a few seconds. Gerard frowned.
“You’re not well, Frankie.” Gerard stated bluntly. “You haven’t been taking your meds, have you?” Gerard’s features were laced with concern, and a little bit of smugness. While Frank wanted to angrily inform him that it should’ve been obvious that he wasn’t taking his meds, he held back.
“It’s only been a couple days..” Frank protested. A week and four days, to be exact. Gerard softly gripped the shorter man’s shoulders.
“Let’s get out of this cold. I’m gonna help you.” He tugged Frank’s sleeve towards the sidewalk.
“As if you’re the one I should get help from!”
“That was rude.” Gerard remarked. “Come on.” Frank agreed to walk along with him, only because people were starting to stare. He wondered how angry Goodwin would’ve been if she knew that Gerard had come back. She’d probably be livid. Gerard and Frank nearly rubbed shoulders as they walked. Frank slumped a little, wary of the beautiful man next to him.
“You were supposed to disappear.” Frank mumbled. Goodwin had promised that Frank would never see Gerard again. It’d been devastating to hear, but gradually he’d gotten used to it until he was happy to have the man gone. Now that same man had pranced right back.
“But here I am!” Gerard chirped in reply. A bit of tension and anger bubbled up inside Frank, and he bit his lip before speaking loudly.
“Don’t you get it? I’ve been getting better! I should cut you loose.” He spat.
“But you won’t.” Those words cut through Frank like a sword, along with Gerard’s knowing smirk. He didn’t care about the people staring at him anymore as he gaped at Gerard, and himself. Gerard was right, Frank would never really deny him a place in his life. Not really. He was so hopelessly in love with Gerard, it wasn’t even funny.
After that, Frank was too singed by those words to speak to Gerard any longer. Before he knew it they’d walked all the way to his apartment.
“Why did we come he-“
“I missed your place.” Gerard interrupted him. Something possessed Frank to open the door and let Gerard in. They walked silently to the elevator. Once the doors closed, Gerard seemed much too close for comfort.
“Look, you can only stay for-oh!” Frank was cut off by hot breath on his neck. Gerard had nuzzled into him.
“I really missed you too, Frankie.” He nearly purred. Frank winced, half-trying to shrug away.
“This isn’t what I wante-“
“Yes it is.” Gerard had an annoying habit of knowing what Frank was gonna say and interrupting him. The elevator doors opened and a middle-aged couple stared wide eyed at Frank, who’d melted shamelessly into Gerard. Frank nodded to them and untangled from him, bolting down the hall.
Once safely inside Frank’s apartment, he went to make some coffee for himself and Gerard, who followed him in with that same coy grin stuck to his stupid gorgeous face.He watched Frank pour the beans into the coffeemaker and start it up, not flinching when the ridiculously loud grinding began.
“So..” Gerard drew out the ‘o’.
“What?” Frank bristled, on edge.
“Why’d you let her take me away?” Gerard crossed his arms.
“It was better that way..” Frank responded. Gerard scoffed.
“That’s what Goodwin told you. What did you think?” Frank wasn’t sure what he’d thought. Life with Gerard was wonderful, addictive in all the right ways. Gerard was essentially a drug, a crazy hallucinogenic that made you float on air. But Goodwin had helped him understand that normal life just didn’t work like that. He was sick, and having Gerard around hadn’t made him any better. Gerard was intense, and sometimes hard to handle. Find the problem, and weed it out. had been Goodwin’s mantra. Gerard hadn’t seemed like a problem...
“It wasn’t easy.” Frank admitted. “But I needed it. I’m getting better.” That was when Gerard let out a mean laugh.
“Come on, Frankie! You’re completely ashen, you’ve gotten too thin, you’re jittery, on edge. And don’t think I didn’t notice those dark circles! You’re the opposite of better.” The coffee had finished brewing. Frank poured it into two red mugs with trembling hands. All of a sudden, Gerard grabbed Frank’s wrists and pulled him firmly to face forward, looking straight into his eyes.
That was the kind of thing that was so alluring about Gerard, the thing that made Frank’s breath hitch and his knees wobble. The smirk, the smoldering eyes, the teasing. He was bold, brash, confident. Sexy. He had a sort of passionate nature, like there were always flames underneath his skin. He claimed what was his (namely Frank) and didn’t take no for an answer, though not in an angry or cruel way. But through all of it, he was so gentle. It was a crippling combination. Almost as if Gerard was merciful, which made him sound godly. But he wasn’t...at least, not really.
“I know you.” Gerard began, softly stroking Frank’s cheek. “I know you better than Goodwin or anyone else. I also know myself. And that we can fix each other.” He was so convincing. Or maybe the skilled hands tracing patterns down Frank’s middle were doing all the work.
“But you’re not...” Frank cut himself off with a sigh. Having Gerard touch him again was was so tension-releasing, finally getting a dose of that drug he needed. “Not...” Gerard’s lips attacked his full force. Not an angry kiss, but a hungry one. Reclaiming old territory. The second kiss was gentler, sweeter.
“Feel better yet?” Gerard mumbled into the corner of Frank’s mouth. Frank just shivered slightly. Lucky for him, there was a sturdy kitchen counter to lean on for support, because surely Frank would’ve collapsed otherwise. His resolve to deny Gerard was disappearing. He was so needy, just utter mush begging to be reshaped into a human again. As far as he could tell, however, Gerard was content to pull Frank along.
“Gerard..” Frank gained enough bodily control to gently push him away.
“Frank..” Gerard mocked, kissing down Frank’s jawline. Frank never really thought he had a certain spot that was his weakness, per se, but if he did, his jawline and neck would most likely be it. He couldn’t help but buck his hips slightly. Gerard smirked.
“Oh, so now you want to?” Gerard raised an eyebrow. Frank huffed and yanked Gerard back to him by that stupid Christmas scarf. He’d given up on the resistance. Mainly because he didn’t even want to resist in the first place. Their kisses quickly grew rougher, and by some miracle they stumbled all the way down the hall to the bedroom. Frank had gained back most of his bodily function now, and ripped away Gerard’s thick black coat. He was pretty sure he popped a button. Who cared, though?
One by one, clothes accumulated on the threadbare carpet. Gerard was being painfully slow about kissing every single drop of ink tattooed on Frank’s body, focusing on his collarbones. Frank’s needy whines had evolved into panting.
“Golly, Frank.” Gerard breathed, somehow maintaining his haughty attitude. “I wonder what Goodwin would think..?”
“Shut up!” Frank growled. Gerard’s eyes lit up. That was hot. Growling.
“I bet you’re pretty frustrated with me.” Gerard purred. “Aren’t you? Any pent up feelings?” Frank writhed, annoyed that Gerard was stalling. Gerard rolled over next to Frank and smiled deviously. Gerard wanted to be used and abused, which was unlike him. He was usually so dominant.
Unsure how to proceed, Frank timidly trailed a hand down Gerard’s torso. He got on top and let his hand make its way down to hold Gerard firmly. Gerard exhaled loudly. Frank smashed his lips against Gerard’s, feeling what it was like to dominate for a few minutes. He held a firm grip on a fistful of Gerard’s dark hair. He liked the feeling of strength. He explored every inch of pale skin, kissing and sometimes biting. His confidence grew with every whimper and groan from his partner.
Eventually, Frank reduced Gerard to a whimpering mass of jello. He sat back for only a moment before flipping Gerard over. His prep was brief and unforgiving. Without warning, he entered Gerard slowly but forcefully. Gerard made such a sexually charged whine that Frank almost lost it before he’d even begun.
Frank kept his strokes slow and gentle, until an urgent “Faster!” from Gerard made him pick up the pace. The feeling was exhilirating and Frank was seeing stars. He’d never done it this way with Gerard before. He gripped Gerard’s waist tightly, planting a kiss on the nape of his neck every so often. Gerard ducked his head so as not to smash it into the wood headboard. Gerard clutched the bedsheets and let his hips rise to meet Frank, moaning loudly each time. He was very vocal.
Frank’s movement were getting haphazzard, controlled as he tried to be, and the stupid headboard made loud knocking noises as the bed shook back and forth.
“Frank!” he heard a door slam. Then he realized the knocking hadn’t been the headboard. A knot formed in his stomach. Goodwin. All his excitement drained out of him in a split second.
“Do not tell me you just went fla-“
“Shhhh!” Frank covered Gerard’s mouth, hopping off of the bed. “That’s Goodwin you moron!” He pulled on his clothes as fast as humanly possible.
“Frank? Are you home?” Goodwin’s shoes clacked on the kitchen floor.
“Coming!” he ignored Gerard, flushed and scowling on the bed. Frank was shaking, but he tried to slow his heart rate as he walked out to see Goodwin, who couldn’t know what had been going on. He saw stopped her as she was entering the hall.
“There you are.” She said, crossing her arms.
“Yup. I was in the bathroom, sorry.” He replied. “You thirsty?” he led her away from the hallway.
“No, I was just coming to check up on you.” She told him. Frank sat down on a bar stool and motioned for her to do the same. She straightened out her navy pantsuit and did so with grace. She was all about being ladylike. That was part of the reason she hadn’t liked Gerard being in Frank’s life.
“So how are you?” he said politely.
“Well, I’m fine. But the pharmacist told me you hadn’t come to fill your prescription yet..and I believe you were supposed..” Frank stopped listening when Gerard came out, shirtless, from the bedroom. He was still pouting. Frank’s eyes bulged a little and he pleaded with his eyes for Gerard to disappear.
“Frank? Are you listening to me?” Goodwin sounded exasperated. Frank’s eyes darted to her and then back to Gerard.
“Y-yes.” He swallowed. Gerard stuck his tongue out.
“Are you seeing things again, Frank?” Goodwin furrowed her eyebrows. She knew him well enough to know when he was lying. Frank shook his head.
“No! Of course not.” Gerard rolled his eyes.
“Don’t lie to the woman, Frank!” he scolded. He seemed to read his mind. Frank sucked in his breath, like he expected Goodwin to hear Gerard. But she didn’t, of course. Frank’s eyes burned. Everything had felt so real, he didn’t care whether it really was or not.
“Frank...? Oh, are you seeing Gerard again?” sadness and anger filled Goodwin’s voice.
“No.” Frank squeaked. Goodwin stood up.
“You haven’t been taking your meds. And I told you what would happen. It’s hurting you mentally.” She remprimanded, taking off her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose.
“She’s lying, Frank!” Gerard yelped, furious. A tear streaked down Frank’s face. Now both of them were angry at him.
“I’m guessing your flushed face means you two didn’t just talk...oh, dear.” She shook her head, grimacing. Frank looked up at Gerard, who was scowling, yet still so incredibly stunning.
“You know I love you, Frank.” Gerard begged. He knew Goodwin would get rid of him again.
“I’m sorry....he was in the park...and I...” Frank couldn’t begin to explain to her how wonderful Gerard was. She’d have to see him, which she couldn’t. Frank was the only one who’d ever get to know how beautiful Gerard was, how funny and bold and just plain irresistible.
“You’re coming with me.” She dragged Frank out to her car. Gerard chased after them, shouting curse words and crying. Frank was devastated. She shut the door on him and stomped to the driver’s seat. Gerard was leaning on the window. Frank put his hands up to the glass and mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ over and over.
“You must hate me.” Frank choked out.
“I’m helping you. Gerard. Is. Not. Real.” She sped out of Frank’s driveway, ripping him away from Gerard. Gerard ran after the car, but of course it was pointless. Gerard fell to his knees, and Frank watched him until Goodwin turned, and Frank couldn’t see him anymore.
As Goodwin drove, she thought about poor Frank. He was the only schitzophrenic she’d ever known who’d fallen so in love with a hallucination. Also the only one to form a sexual relationship with said hallucination. It blew her mind that Frank actually believed that it all was real. She’d worked with the mentally ill for years, but the fact that Frank’s body actually responded and gave sexual release was incredible. Schitzophrenia as a whole was incredibly powerful. And it broke her heart to see Frank so lost without Gerard, but she couldn’t let him live out a romance with something that didn’t exist. It wasn’t healthy.
Gerard had first appeared around a year ago, three months after she’d began treating Frank. She’d put him on a very weak antipsychotic, just to judge how he reacted. She’d hoped she wouldn’t have to use anything stronger. At first, when Frank recounted his meeting and time with Gerard, she’d thought it was a real person. Which was great, because Frank needed someone besides her in his life. But when Frank brought Gerard to meet her, he was crushed when she told him the truth. She didn’t letting her patients believe in their hallucinations was right, no matter how beloved they were.
Frank had continued to see Gerard, and still quite liked him despite the fact that he wasn’t real. And Goodwin felt that it was okay, so long as Frank remembered that Gerard was only a hallucination. Gradually, Frank fell more and more in love with Gerard, which was concerning, but a reasonable price to pay for Frank’s happiness. She’d let him stay on the weak drugs until she’d stumbled upon a perplexing scene: Frank, naked, facedown on the bed, moaning and carrying on. That was where she drew the line. Frank needed real sexual relationships, and this make-believe one just damaged his mind.
So, she’d started him on more powerful medication. But Gerard still lingered. Sometimes certain hallucinations hung around with patients. It seemed that he got angrier when the meds tried to get rid of him, and Frank often came to her, crying and blaming her for Gerard’s anger. After a few trial-and-error runs, Goodwin had finally weeded Gerard out of Frank’s mind. Until now.
Goodwin looked in the rearview and saw Frank, who seemed to have all the life sucked out of him, staring forlornly out the window. She noticed the tearstains on his face.
“Frank, I wish it didn’t have to be this way...” she said honestly. Frank didn’t answer, because in his mind, Gerard would always be real.
So I wrote that in a day....yup. Usually take more time so if it isn't that great, that's okay. But I hope you liked it! Lalala! <3