Setting a course for disaster (Bernard, Titans ensemble, PG-13, Teen Titans/Robin)
Title: Setting a course for disaster
Author: Mimic
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble. Tim/Kon, Tim/Bernard, and various others hinted.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't play for keeps. DC owns them.
Notes: Crack! Spawned in chat, with Pixie wanting Bernard to meet the Titans. Lots of crack.
Feedback: Heck yeah!
Word Count: 1600
"The hell are you?!" Superboy demands, arms crossed over his chest and... hovering.
Bernard raises an eyebrow, because really.
"I think that's my question."
Superboy gives him a look like 'what are you, blind?' And well, the 'S' is rather obvious.
x
There are times when words, random but logical, are necessary to prevent acts of violence.
"The spandex was better."
Superboy looks at him like Bernard has lost his mind. He can't help thinking that's more than a bit hypocrytical. "What?"
He rolls his eyes, leafing his sunglasses back through his hair carelessly. "Your costume. Really, honey. There are only so many who can pull off that look." He gives Superboy a long stare. "You are one of them."
Bernard pauses. "The black is nice. The lack of yellow similiarily exciting."
"Are you seriously going off on my *costume*?"
"Let's face it," he draws the sentence out, flashing his eyes upwards to where Superboy is perched in midair, "You need the advice."
x
"Tim? Your boyfriend dude is *mental*."
"He isn't my boyfriend."
Kon stops, and stares at him. Tim doesn't blink.
"Then what *is* he?" It's almost a whine, which Tim would at least think about investigating further if it weren't today, and. Kon is still staring at him.
He can't quite stop smirking. "Persistant."
x
"So you're like." Gone.
Back. "Just *normal*, like." Gone.
"What everyone *says* is normal?" Back. Bernard feels like his eyes should be crossed.
"I suppose." He raises an eyebrow.
"Is that a Gotham thing? With the eyebrow? Because Tim always does that."
The next time Kid Flash returns he's drinking coffee.
He has the sudden desire to dial 911.
x
"So this... 'Stephanie' is real?" he asks, staring down at his fingernails. It gets difficult staring so far up.
Superboy refuses to land.
He also doesn't appear to know the meaning of 'compromise', at least, not in any human fashion Bernard recognizes.
The... clone shrugs, looking offput and angry at the mention. "Apparently."
"I guess I owe Darla twenty dollars." He frowns. "Damn."
Superboy's staring at him with interest. "You thought Tim made her up?" He looks like he wants to grin.
"Wouldn't he?" He stares at the 'S', raising an eyebrow.
Superboy laughs. "Dude. He so *would*."
x
"You know, if you're going to, you should just do it."
"I -- what? Dude, for not being a Bat you're really fucking vague."
Bernard raises his eyebrow, again. "What *do* you think I'm talking about?"
Superboy blushes.
x
"Are you trying to --"
He's only gone very *briefly* this time. "Set up Kon and Tim?"
"Kon?"
"Ohshit."
Gone. Again. Bernard sighs.
x
Bernard meets Tim around a corner. Or rather, he almost knocks him to the floor, but he doesn't have to think of it that way.
It's probably the first time neither of them know just what to say to each other. Though not for lack of material.
"You don't trust Zippy over there with State secrets, or else I'll have to fear for my life and my country."
He prides himself on not sounding dazed.
Tim let's his head fall against the wall with a 'thump'. He does it several more times. Bernard briefly considers joining him. "What did he tell you?"
"Is Kon short for something, or is that just how aliens do it?"
Tim covers his masked face with a gloved hand, and groans.
x
It turns out *he's* the one that actually gets knocked to the floor.
"OhmanI'msorryhereletmehelp."
He would mention something about velosity and that really *not* helping if he wasn't trying to avoid puking.
Bernard leans against the wall, and grins at Kid Flash. "I could have done that myself. Should have, actually."
"Right. So -- about earlier --"
Gone. Bernard fixes his hair.
"*Are* you?" Kid Flash peers at him. "Cause I thought you and Tim..."
Bernard raises both eyebrows this time, and returns to fixing his hair. "Hardly."
x
"I think they're doing it."
"Since when are *you* the expert?" Kon demands.
Bart gives Kon his default 'you're an idiot' look, and taps his forehead. "The *San Francisco* library."
Kon rolls his eyes.
"You want to give *your* opinion, then?" His foot is burning a hole in floor.
Kon hesitates. "But then why would he --"
"Dude. I *know*." Bart grins, suddenly. More suddenly. "I think further investigation is needed."
He zips out. Reeling, screeching to a halt, and back in front of Kon a second later.
"*Are* you? With Rob?"
Kon glares and crosses his arms. Bart shrugs, rolling his eyes as soon as he's out of sight.
x
"So *are* you --"
"No."
"*Really*?"
Tim glares.
"Then how about with --"
"No, Bart."
"Suuuure."
x
"Hey, Cassie," Mia chirps, smile strained for all supposed cheeriness.
She's also carrying her bow. And a full quiver.
In her civilian clothes.
"Yeah, Speedy?" Cassie's hand hovers over her lasso.
Mia clears her throat. "Let's go to the movies."
There's a sudden 'thunk' from around the corner. Cassie peers around only to find Robin banging his head against the wall.
"There's something wrong, Speedy. I have to --"
Mia grabs her by the arm. "Believe me. You don't care. I don't care. The world isn't in danger."
Cassie hesitates, before letting her feet find the ground again.
"What movie were you thinking?"
x
"What's your deal with Tim?"
Bernard stares at Superboy. Kon. The resemblance to his father (?) is striking when he crosses his arms that way. "We go to the same school."
The glare he gets, well, he isn't actually sure if Kon has developed heat vision or not, but it seems safe to lean towards 'yes'.
He sighs, and pulls off his sunglasses. "I wouldn't mind sleeping with him," he says seriously.
Kon, well. Twitches.
"Not to say that we *have* slept together."
"*Have* you?"
"Not through lack of trying. I'm sure you can relate."
x
Gar peers closer at the live security footage.
"Man, I'm glad we weren't ever like that."
"Oh yeah. Never any crazy love triangles in the old days of Titans Tower."
Beast Boy laughs. Vic switches the screens around.
They watch for a minute in silence.
Gar breaks it suddenly by cotinuing his earlier laughter.
"Okay, that's too good. I'm getting Raven."
x
"Don't you have parents? Or like."
Zip. "People *like* parents?"
Bernard raises his eyebrow (he's honestly losing count) again. "As impossible as it surely seems, I do."
"Huh. Do they mind?"
He smirks. "They don't know."
Kid Flash's eyes go wide behind the mask. Bernard continues to smirk.
"That's creepy."
He probably shouldn't feel proud.
x
"So do you *like* --"
"Bart."
"*Do* you?"
Tim swallows, and pretends to read the report in front of him.
"You *do*!"
"It's a possibility. Bart --"
"So why aren't you doing it? With either of them. Both of them."
"That's not --"
"It would be hot --"
"Bart!"
"They both want you. Like Kon does this *twitch* thing --"
x
"Let me guess. Rob is all outstanding student, teacher's pet type of guy?"
Kon flies a lazy circle.
Bernard watches him with feined disinterest.
"I suppose," he replies, "Though it's difficult to be a teacher's pet when one breaks the law on a nightly basis."
"Yeah, that's another thing. When the hell did Tim tell you about the Robin thing?" Kon's face is angry. Or rather, his entire body is angry.
Bernard can feel it. He smirks. "Tell me?" he questions.
Kon shifts back to confusion, he can practically see the anger clouding. "He *never* told me, honey."
He looks Superboy up and down again. Kon -- freezes. Hm. Maybe it's a superhero thing. He'll have to look into it.
He smiles. "You *really* need to fix that costume, Kon."
Kon's expression is somewhere between 'woah' and 'what the fuck'.
Again, he shouldn't feel proud.
x
"Everyone is Gotham is *nuts*."
"Statistically that's impossible --"
"Dude. It's *true*."
x
"I prefer the term eccentric, personally."
x
"You're like *Tim*!"
"He is *not*."
Kid flash flips his hair out of his eyes. "He totally is. That thing with the eyebrow and being a complete freak."
"I'm right here," Bernard rolls his eyes.
"Sorry."
Kon snorts.
He raises his eyebrow.
"See! Like that!" Kid Flash zips out.
Kon stares at him. Bernard raises his eyebrow higher.
"Yes?" he asks.
"Do you really want to sleep with Tim?"
Bernard smirks. "Do you?"
Kid Flash appears at his left. "He does."
"Well, that's certainly interesting."
He does a miserable job of not smiling, in much the same way as he believes Kon does a miserable job not scowling.
x
He turns to Kid Flash.
"What's your name?"
"Bart."
He smirks.
Bart freezes. "Fuck!"
Kon is laughing above them both. Bernard grins.
x
Bernard stares out at the San Francisco Bay. The sun is setting, and the descriptor he's looking for is 'romantic'. It's a shame his current company cuts back on the usage rather heavily.
"You haven't been giving them drugs, have you?" he asks.
Tim rolls his eyes. Bernard can tell, even if he's refusing to take off his mask. "No."
His tone is deadpan. Bernard smiles.
"No evil Bat experiments?"
"Does this have a point?"
"Does it ever?"
Tim laughs, and Bernard's smile widens. He counters the action by brushing his fingers through his hair, and fixing Tim with a stare.
"You know," he muses aloud, purposefully enunciating. "I'm here for the entire weekend."
Tim freezes.
"I don't suppose you know how to play Truth or Dare?" he asks, nodding sadly at Tim's imitation of a statue. "Yes, I'm sure growing up in a cave has it's disadvantages."
He stares at Tim's clenched jaw for a second.
"It's nothing to be *ashamed* of."
Author: Mimic
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble. Tim/Kon, Tim/Bernard, and various others hinted.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't play for keeps. DC owns them.
Notes: Crack! Spawned in chat, with Pixie wanting Bernard to meet the Titans. Lots of crack.
Feedback: Heck yeah!
Word Count: 1600
"The hell are you?!" Superboy demands, arms crossed over his chest and... hovering.
Bernard raises an eyebrow, because really.
"I think that's my question."
Superboy gives him a look like 'what are you, blind?' And well, the 'S' is rather obvious.
x
There are times when words, random but logical, are necessary to prevent acts of violence.
"The spandex was better."
Superboy looks at him like Bernard has lost his mind. He can't help thinking that's more than a bit hypocrytical. "What?"
He rolls his eyes, leafing his sunglasses back through his hair carelessly. "Your costume. Really, honey. There are only so many who can pull off that look." He gives Superboy a long stare. "You are one of them."
Bernard pauses. "The black is nice. The lack of yellow similiarily exciting."
"Are you seriously going off on my *costume*?"
"Let's face it," he draws the sentence out, flashing his eyes upwards to where Superboy is perched in midair, "You need the advice."
x
"Tim? Your boyfriend dude is *mental*."
"He isn't my boyfriend."
Kon stops, and stares at him. Tim doesn't blink.
"Then what *is* he?" It's almost a whine, which Tim would at least think about investigating further if it weren't today, and. Kon is still staring at him.
He can't quite stop smirking. "Persistant."
x
"So you're like." Gone.
Back. "Just *normal*, like." Gone.
"What everyone *says* is normal?" Back. Bernard feels like his eyes should be crossed.
"I suppose." He raises an eyebrow.
"Is that a Gotham thing? With the eyebrow? Because Tim always does that."
The next time Kid Flash returns he's drinking coffee.
He has the sudden desire to dial 911.
x
"So this... 'Stephanie' is real?" he asks, staring down at his fingernails. It gets difficult staring so far up.
Superboy refuses to land.
He also doesn't appear to know the meaning of 'compromise', at least, not in any human fashion Bernard recognizes.
The... clone shrugs, looking offput and angry at the mention. "Apparently."
"I guess I owe Darla twenty dollars." He frowns. "Damn."
Superboy's staring at him with interest. "You thought Tim made her up?" He looks like he wants to grin.
"Wouldn't he?" He stares at the 'S', raising an eyebrow.
Superboy laughs. "Dude. He so *would*."
x
"You know, if you're going to, you should just do it."
"I -- what? Dude, for not being a Bat you're really fucking vague."
Bernard raises his eyebrow, again. "What *do* you think I'm talking about?"
Superboy blushes.
x
"Are you trying to --"
He's only gone very *briefly* this time. "Set up Kon and Tim?"
"Kon?"
"Ohshit."
Gone. Again. Bernard sighs.
x
Bernard meets Tim around a corner. Or rather, he almost knocks him to the floor, but he doesn't have to think of it that way.
It's probably the first time neither of them know just what to say to each other. Though not for lack of material.
"You don't trust Zippy over there with State secrets, or else I'll have to fear for my life and my country."
He prides himself on not sounding dazed.
Tim let's his head fall against the wall with a 'thump'. He does it several more times. Bernard briefly considers joining him. "What did he tell you?"
"Is Kon short for something, or is that just how aliens do it?"
Tim covers his masked face with a gloved hand, and groans.
x
It turns out *he's* the one that actually gets knocked to the floor.
"OhmanI'msorryhereletmehelp."
He would mention something about velosity and that really *not* helping if he wasn't trying to avoid puking.
Bernard leans against the wall, and grins at Kid Flash. "I could have done that myself. Should have, actually."
"Right. So -- about earlier --"
Gone. Bernard fixes his hair.
"*Are* you?" Kid Flash peers at him. "Cause I thought you and Tim..."
Bernard raises both eyebrows this time, and returns to fixing his hair. "Hardly."
x
"I think they're doing it."
"Since when are *you* the expert?" Kon demands.
Bart gives Kon his default 'you're an idiot' look, and taps his forehead. "The *San Francisco* library."
Kon rolls his eyes.
"You want to give *your* opinion, then?" His foot is burning a hole in floor.
Kon hesitates. "But then why would he --"
"Dude. I *know*." Bart grins, suddenly. More suddenly. "I think further investigation is needed."
He zips out. Reeling, screeching to a halt, and back in front of Kon a second later.
"*Are* you? With Rob?"
Kon glares and crosses his arms. Bart shrugs, rolling his eyes as soon as he's out of sight.
x
"So *are* you --"
"No."
"*Really*?"
Tim glares.
"Then how about with --"
"No, Bart."
"Suuuure."
x
"Hey, Cassie," Mia chirps, smile strained for all supposed cheeriness.
She's also carrying her bow. And a full quiver.
In her civilian clothes.
"Yeah, Speedy?" Cassie's hand hovers over her lasso.
Mia clears her throat. "Let's go to the movies."
There's a sudden 'thunk' from around the corner. Cassie peers around only to find Robin banging his head against the wall.
"There's something wrong, Speedy. I have to --"
Mia grabs her by the arm. "Believe me. You don't care. I don't care. The world isn't in danger."
Cassie hesitates, before letting her feet find the ground again.
"What movie were you thinking?"
x
"What's your deal with Tim?"
Bernard stares at Superboy. Kon. The resemblance to his father (?) is striking when he crosses his arms that way. "We go to the same school."
The glare he gets, well, he isn't actually sure if Kon has developed heat vision or not, but it seems safe to lean towards 'yes'.
He sighs, and pulls off his sunglasses. "I wouldn't mind sleeping with him," he says seriously.
Kon, well. Twitches.
"Not to say that we *have* slept together."
"*Have* you?"
"Not through lack of trying. I'm sure you can relate."
x
Gar peers closer at the live security footage.
"Man, I'm glad we weren't ever like that."
"Oh yeah. Never any crazy love triangles in the old days of Titans Tower."
Beast Boy laughs. Vic switches the screens around.
They watch for a minute in silence.
Gar breaks it suddenly by cotinuing his earlier laughter.
"Okay, that's too good. I'm getting Raven."
x
"Don't you have parents? Or like."
Zip. "People *like* parents?"
Bernard raises his eyebrow (he's honestly losing count) again. "As impossible as it surely seems, I do."
"Huh. Do they mind?"
He smirks. "They don't know."
Kid Flash's eyes go wide behind the mask. Bernard continues to smirk.
"That's creepy."
He probably shouldn't feel proud.
x
"So do you *like* --"
"Bart."
"*Do* you?"
Tim swallows, and pretends to read the report in front of him.
"You *do*!"
"It's a possibility. Bart --"
"So why aren't you doing it? With either of them. Both of them."
"That's not --"
"It would be hot --"
"Bart!"
"They both want you. Like Kon does this *twitch* thing --"
x
"Let me guess. Rob is all outstanding student, teacher's pet type of guy?"
Kon flies a lazy circle.
Bernard watches him with feined disinterest.
"I suppose," he replies, "Though it's difficult to be a teacher's pet when one breaks the law on a nightly basis."
"Yeah, that's another thing. When the hell did Tim tell you about the Robin thing?" Kon's face is angry. Or rather, his entire body is angry.
Bernard can feel it. He smirks. "Tell me?" he questions.
Kon shifts back to confusion, he can practically see the anger clouding. "He *never* told me, honey."
He looks Superboy up and down again. Kon -- freezes. Hm. Maybe it's a superhero thing. He'll have to look into it.
He smiles. "You *really* need to fix that costume, Kon."
Kon's expression is somewhere between 'woah' and 'what the fuck'.
Again, he shouldn't feel proud.
x
"Everyone is Gotham is *nuts*."
"Statistically that's impossible --"
"Dude. It's *true*."
x
"I prefer the term eccentric, personally."
x
"You're like *Tim*!"
"He is *not*."
Kid flash flips his hair out of his eyes. "He totally is. That thing with the eyebrow and being a complete freak."
"I'm right here," Bernard rolls his eyes.
"Sorry."
Kon snorts.
He raises his eyebrow.
"See! Like that!" Kid Flash zips out.
Kon stares at him. Bernard raises his eyebrow higher.
"Yes?" he asks.
"Do you really want to sleep with Tim?"
Bernard smirks. "Do you?"
Kid Flash appears at his left. "He does."
"Well, that's certainly interesting."
He does a miserable job of not smiling, in much the same way as he believes Kon does a miserable job not scowling.
x
He turns to Kid Flash.
"What's your name?"
"Bart."
He smirks.
Bart freezes. "Fuck!"
Kon is laughing above them both. Bernard grins.
x
Bernard stares out at the San Francisco Bay. The sun is setting, and the descriptor he's looking for is 'romantic'. It's a shame his current company cuts back on the usage rather heavily.
"You haven't been giving them drugs, have you?" he asks.
Tim rolls his eyes. Bernard can tell, even if he's refusing to take off his mask. "No."
His tone is deadpan. Bernard smiles.
"No evil Bat experiments?"
"Does this have a point?"
"Does it ever?"
Tim laughs, and Bernard's smile widens. He counters the action by brushing his fingers through his hair, and fixing Tim with a stare.
"You know," he muses aloud, purposefully enunciating. "I'm here for the entire weekend."
Tim freezes.
"I don't suppose you know how to play Truth or Dare?" he asks, nodding sadly at Tim's imitation of a statue. "Yes, I'm sure growing up in a cave has it's disadvantages."
He stares at Tim's clenched jaw for a second.
"It's nothing to be *ashamed* of."