Friendergy!
I miss having a best friend. High school was especially good for that. Mermaid was hands-down the best best friend anyone could have ever had. Being so absurdly in love with Kingfisher definitely influenced my perception of the quality of that relationship, but at the end of the day we were damn close regardless and he was a giant chunk of my friendergy (officially coining that term as of right now). Lynx has always been my dear companion, even when we didn't see each other often, but her absence is felt more keenly these days. Pine Marten, too, I will always adore; he was such a grounding influence on me, but it's a difficult type of relationship to maintain from such a distance and with such unreliable communication methods. Tabby and I have gone rather far down divergent paths nowadays, and while I still feel affection for her, the passion is gone.
It occurred to me the other day that I never properly grieved for those friendships. Kingfisher, maybe, but that was such a mess that who knows what happened. And in any case, the friendships-that-became-relationships got so muddled that it's difficult to look back only to the platonic bits and recognize their wholesomeness and worth. I miss that. I miss the unpretentious, caring abandonment of being Best Friends.
Heron is very close to that, and so is Lioness, but they are both so far away and generally busy and also in such drastically different life stages that the commitment aspects are not necessarily present. In some ways I'm glad of it because I have such finite energy right now and my priorities have shifted so far, but I still miss it sometimes. Jon is my companion in every way and I am humbly grateful for such a fulfilling relationship, but such a bond with no sex and fewer complications was an especially awesome part of high school.
Also: ramble ramble thinky thoughts. :-P
It occurred to me the other day that I never properly grieved for those friendships. Kingfisher, maybe, but that was such a mess that who knows what happened. And in any case, the friendships-that-became-relationships got so muddled that it's difficult to look back only to the platonic bits and recognize their wholesomeness and worth. I miss that. I miss the unpretentious, caring abandonment of being Best Friends.
Heron is very close to that, and so is Lioness, but they are both so far away and generally busy and also in such drastically different life stages that the commitment aspects are not necessarily present. In some ways I'm glad of it because I have such finite energy right now and my priorities have shifted so far, but I still miss it sometimes. Jon is my companion in every way and I am humbly grateful for such a fulfilling relationship, but such a bond with no sex and fewer complications was an especially awesome part of high school.
Also: ramble ramble thinky thoughts. :-P