Through A Glass Darkly
"What does a scanner see? he asked himself. I mean, really see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does a passive infrared scanner like they used to use or a cube-type holo-scanner like they use these days, the latest thing, see into me-into us-clearly or darkly? I hope it does, he thought, see clearly, because I can’t any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone’s sake, the scanners do better. Because, he thought, if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we’ll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too."
-A Scanner Darkly, Philip K Dick
Even as outside life is going rather well (money, work, friendships, et cetera), inside life has been getting rough. I've been quite unstable for a little over a month now, and it crashed together in the form of multiple panic attacks over the weekend and general feelings of hideous, uninspired uselessness.
Jon and I have been taking on some serious conversations, both in and out of therapy. They're not even specifically fights, just meaningful logistical conversations we need to have. But it's exhausting. My brain is having constant cave-ins and it's becoming more and more difficult to mount rescue operations. I gotta get on some dry land somewhere.
Anyway. It'll be okay. And I like to rhyme.
Finished Empire and a re-read of Catch-22. I'm almost done with A Scanner Darkly (see above) and have The Last Summer of Reason on my end table ready to go.
Plan for today is working out, household chores, dentist appointment, taekwondo demo. Tomorrow is work and another demo. Peace.
-A Scanner Darkly, Philip K Dick
Even as outside life is going rather well (money, work, friendships, et cetera), inside life has been getting rough. I've been quite unstable for a little over a month now, and it crashed together in the form of multiple panic attacks over the weekend and general feelings of hideous, uninspired uselessness.
Jon and I have been taking on some serious conversations, both in and out of therapy. They're not even specifically fights, just meaningful logistical conversations we need to have. But it's exhausting. My brain is having constant cave-ins and it's becoming more and more difficult to mount rescue operations. I gotta get on some dry land somewhere.
Anyway. It'll be okay. And I like to rhyme.
Finished Empire and a re-read of Catch-22. I'm almost done with A Scanner Darkly (see above) and have The Last Summer of Reason on my end table ready to go.
Plan for today is working out, household chores, dentist appointment, taekwondo demo. Tomorrow is work and another demo. Peace.