Oh hey there, that's right, I still have one of these things don't I?
Ok, so looking back on my last couple entries it may have appeared as though I was in the middle of a mild mental breakdown... which is slightly true. BUT! I survived! HOORAY! I made it through finals and negotiated some pretty decent grades in all my classes, thanks to a little something I call Adderall. - Don't worry, I don't have heart problems now, nope it seems as though I actually do HAVE ADHD for reals yo... See I originally intended to take the pills as a way for me to pull a crazy all nighter, but instead of making me overstimulated, the drug just WORKED! It allowed me to be able to focus like I've never been able to in my life before. It was an amazing feeling. I was able think of a sentence for my paper, and finish typing it before some useless fodder jumped into my brain, interrupting my train of thought. I wondered if this was what it was like for other students who seem to be able to NOT fidget in class and have the mysterious ability to actually RETAIN information that they read. It was crazy. If I had been on that stuff through high school I would have been validi-fuckin-torian!
So anyway, that over with, and now I finally figured out what has been holding me back all my my life, and at least knowing that it's real makes me feel 100 times better than I did before, when I just assumed that I really was a failure.
And just one note that goes out to those people who just scoffed at everything I just typed, YES ADHD is over-diagnosed, but in a family that has more chemical imbalances running through it than a mental ward, I consider myself lucky that I found something that makes me feel remotely sane now while I'm still young and have a chance to change my life for the better.
In other news, I'm currently homeless, sleeping in a downstairs room of my friend's house, simiply out of the goodness of their heart. Actually I've technically been homeless since my mom abandoned our old house in St. Louis Park to live in Lakeville with sunfucker and the marilyn manson twins. The home I grew up in is now a shithole that's been torn apart and continues to detereorate to this very minute. Therefore, I am on my own as far as living arangments go... thank god for friendly hospitality.
I did, however, land this great job for the summer working the grounds crew over at Hamline. I work Monday through Friday, 7 AM to 3:30 PM, which is a bitch to wake up for, but it's nice to be done with the day early... speaking of which I need to go to sleep for right about now. That's so weird cause I could swear that it was light outside not five minutes ago...
Another aspect of my life that I had JUST gotten smoothed out (damnit) has managed to complicate itself again in the shape of an all-of-a-sudden boyfriend! I never even vocally committed to the relationship before he started calling me his girlfriend to other people... Within a proverbial blink of my life I went from swingin' single gal to gushy girlfriend... I don't know what to say now cause it's not that I was going to rule out the possibility of making it more serious with the guy, I just didn't know it was going to be so sudden. I think just hearing him introduce me as "girlfriend" scared the shit out of me... I'm not quite sure what I'm afraid of... I ran away from Marques as soon as he wanted to be my boyfriend too.
Maybe I'm just afraid of a repeat Royce relationship... or jake relationship... or Jay, or Dan, or Gonzo...
Still I can't tell if it's the getting hurt, or the commitment that scares me to death.
So anyway, that over with, and now I finally figured out what has been holding me back all my my life, and at least knowing that it's real makes me feel 100 times better than I did before, when I just assumed that I really was a failure.
And just one note that goes out to those people who just scoffed at everything I just typed, YES ADHD is over-diagnosed, but in a family that has more chemical imbalances running through it than a mental ward, I consider myself lucky that I found something that makes me feel remotely sane now while I'm still young and have a chance to change my life for the better.
In other news, I'm currently homeless, sleeping in a downstairs room of my friend's house, simiply out of the goodness of their heart. Actually I've technically been homeless since my mom abandoned our old house in St. Louis Park to live in Lakeville with sunfucker and the marilyn manson twins. The home I grew up in is now a shithole that's been torn apart and continues to detereorate to this very minute. Therefore, I am on my own as far as living arangments go... thank god for friendly hospitality.
I did, however, land this great job for the summer working the grounds crew over at Hamline. I work Monday through Friday, 7 AM to 3:30 PM, which is a bitch to wake up for, but it's nice to be done with the day early... speaking of which I need to go to sleep for right about now. That's so weird cause I could swear that it was light outside not five minutes ago...
Another aspect of my life that I had JUST gotten smoothed out (damnit) has managed to complicate itself again in the shape of an all-of-a-sudden boyfriend! I never even vocally committed to the relationship before he started calling me his girlfriend to other people... Within a proverbial blink of my life I went from swingin' single gal to gushy girlfriend... I don't know what to say now cause it's not that I was going to rule out the possibility of making it more serious with the guy, I just didn't know it was going to be so sudden. I think just hearing him introduce me as "girlfriend" scared the shit out of me... I'm not quite sure what I'm afraid of... I ran away from Marques as soon as he wanted to be my boyfriend too.
Maybe I'm just afraid of a repeat Royce relationship... or jake relationship... or Jay, or Dan, or Gonzo...
Still I can't tell if it's the getting hurt, or the commitment that scares me to death.