(no subject)
I was going to update my livejournal. I came online to check my mail and see what was going on with other people, then I checked my friends page and there were updates from a lot of people, one who I hadn't heard from in a while. They all had their issues, many of which mirror my own, so I was compelled to write something.
Do you ever just wish you could fix everybody's problems? Do you ever just look at someone and how sad they are and ache to give everything you have to make them smile? That happens so often with me. . .and then the apathy takes over. . .I just get so lazy and people and friends. Besides that, I can't even fix my own problems. I always try to put on a happy face, because I feel like people are watching me, waiting for me to break down all the time, especially my dad. . .so I just keep everything under the surface. I never tell anyone what's really bugging me or what i think about all day or how fucking paranoid I am or how I worry that I'm being stared at all the time or how I'm so terrified of people judging me. I just smile and crack a joke. Because of this, I'm constantly in search of an outlet, something that makes everything seems normal or makes it seem like my life going well. . .but sometimes I feel like it never will. I know James is going to read this and freak out about my welfare and why I'm not telling him what's wrong. I just CAN'T. He's my outlet, or one of them, and I don't like sullying the time we have together with screaming and tears, which is what letting my feelings out always involves.
I really wish I could be committed. I would love to go to a place and have my life worked out for me, to a place where I could function normally.
This is the beauty of Livejournal. You can sound like a juvenile little snot and everyone loves you for it.
Do you ever just wish you could fix everybody's problems? Do you ever just look at someone and how sad they are and ache to give everything you have to make them smile? That happens so often with me. . .and then the apathy takes over. . .I just get so lazy and people and friends. Besides that, I can't even fix my own problems. I always try to put on a happy face, because I feel like people are watching me, waiting for me to break down all the time, especially my dad. . .so I just keep everything under the surface. I never tell anyone what's really bugging me or what i think about all day or how fucking paranoid I am or how I worry that I'm being stared at all the time or how I'm so terrified of people judging me. I just smile and crack a joke. Because of this, I'm constantly in search of an outlet, something that makes everything seems normal or makes it seem like my life going well. . .but sometimes I feel like it never will. I know James is going to read this and freak out about my welfare and why I'm not telling him what's wrong. I just CAN'T. He's my outlet, or one of them, and I don't like sullying the time we have together with screaming and tears, which is what letting my feelings out always involves.
I really wish I could be committed. I would love to go to a place and have my life worked out for me, to a place where I could function normally.
This is the beauty of Livejournal. You can sound like a juvenile little snot and everyone loves you for it.