are you living it right
i hate how someone has to be missing from your life for you to miss them and i hate how you dont realize what you have until they're gone. I probably just fucked up the best person i have ever met for me and i dont know if i can fix it. Nothing big happened it just seems like our "relationship" wont go back to the way it was. i miss him. i hate how i realize this now when hes with someone else. if i wasnt so fucking scared of getting hurt again then i would be with him right now. hes amazing. im so mad at myself that i didnt pursue it. i always tell myself that i cant keep reminiscing on the past and i have to let it go, but my actions prove otherwise. i have never met a guy that showed me the way feelings are supposed to be the way he has. here i am its 1:46am and im writing things i knew i would be writing 2 months ago if i didnt pursue a relationship with him. i would do anything to go back in time. I know i will regret it for a long long time if i dont atleast try to salvage the little we have left and try to make it into something . its so hard for me to express my feelings, its been a huge problem that i've had my entire life...its so hard to say that i was wrong by thinking i wouldnt regret it if nothing happened and i didnt go out with him---boy i was wrong. since hes been gone nothing has been the same. its so weird not having him in my life blahhhh fuck i just want to IM him and tell him that im stupid and i messed everything up and i miss him more than he knows, but im afraid of what will happen...he tells me how great i am and that hes never felt the way he feels towards me to anyone else, but im still scared of what will happen. Im afraid that hes going to want to go out but im gonna back away again bc im gonna be afraid that i will get hurt. wow i dont know what the hell to do.