android.
i am so sick of me feeling so sorry for myself. i am so sick of everyone worrying about everything. i am sick of feelings. i am so sick of the sights in this god damn town. i am so sick of lee davis FUCKING high school. i am so sick of this no culture city and these no culture people we have to encounter every fucking day of our lives. and i am really sick of people basing so much on the little things. when really we are all going to grow up and leave and wont remember the little things. i am so tired of not being myself and people telling me they dont like who i am. i am sick of people telling me they dont like who i am when i really DO act like the REAL ME. its like can i get anything right around here? oh and i am sick of people talking to me only when they want to. or have time. i dont wanna die. i dont hate life. i hate HERE.
and by the way, you are fucking annoying the hell out of me, really. you are. you are so god damn predictable. and you arent different. you are just like everyone else no matter what you want them to think. so just give it up already okay? stop trying to be "weird" and "funny" and trying to stand out.
I just wish i could dance through life. never stop. never get tired. just dance. something different every minute. eyes closed moving through the air without a care in the world. forget everything. let go. just be me. just be with the music. relaxing. swaying. turning. flying. thrashing.
theres so much i have yet to experience though. but i feel so..like i am on the outside as an adult looking in at life as a teen. my thoughts and knowings are so sure of themselves. yet i still carry the insecurities, doubts, hates, sadness, worries, joys, ups, downs, loves, likes, confusion of a teenager.
because i am human.
in my mind everything is exciting and wonderful. but i just cant bring it to life. if i could be an introvert all day, everyday and sit and think and wonder all day people would think i was insane and i'd be sititng in the mental hospital right now but damn, i'd be so happy.
but life gets in the way of our thoughts. thats what its there for. to save us from our minds. or to take us away and drown us in its stupid ways more so than save. which ever way you want to look at it. its a glass half empty or glass half full kinda thing i guess.
i think its funny how i think i have life so figured out but i know i dont and i dont think i have life figured out. its like i do but i dont and i know i do but i know i dont. and it just will never make sense out in the open.
i can sort of see through people. i can see through there fake front.
i am in my rawest state. my truest self. right now. and i love it. it only comes around once in a blue moon and i want it to stay but it hardly ever does. i wish i could just catch in a jar and take some out when i want it and slap it on and there the feeling is again.
i want something deeper..everyone just scratches the surface with everything. like, theres so much more to everyone. to everything. everyone is always so scared to dig deeper. to expose there true selves. too many people are too content with only knowing 40% of the things about the people they are closest with and about the things life has to offer. its not about being personal really. its just about being real.
everyone is always like "yeah i am my real self with everyone" or with all of my best friends but thats really a bunch of shit. sure they be like 95% of who they REALLY are but the other whatever the fuck percent it is, 5% is hidden. like me. i am like..such a "philospoher" and its in my genes to be a recluse and to just quietly sit and observe people. my grandpa was like that, my mother is like that and it was passed on to me. but i live most of my life loud, outgoing and half the time i dont think at all before i speak. and most people would never guess in a millon years that i would want to sit and shut up and watch. because they dont DIG DEEPER. they only expect from people. and yes i did mean to say it like that. because you shouldnt expect at all. because people have so many sides and who are you to EXPECT them to act like the only ones you know.
and by the way, you are fucking annoying the hell out of me, really. you are. you are so god damn predictable. and you arent different. you are just like everyone else no matter what you want them to think. so just give it up already okay? stop trying to be "weird" and "funny" and trying to stand out.
I just wish i could dance through life. never stop. never get tired. just dance. something different every minute. eyes closed moving through the air without a care in the world. forget everything. let go. just be me. just be with the music. relaxing. swaying. turning. flying. thrashing.
theres so much i have yet to experience though. but i feel so..like i am on the outside as an adult looking in at life as a teen. my thoughts and knowings are so sure of themselves. yet i still carry the insecurities, doubts, hates, sadness, worries, joys, ups, downs, loves, likes, confusion of a teenager.
because i am human.
in my mind everything is exciting and wonderful. but i just cant bring it to life. if i could be an introvert all day, everyday and sit and think and wonder all day people would think i was insane and i'd be sititng in the mental hospital right now but damn, i'd be so happy.
but life gets in the way of our thoughts. thats what its there for. to save us from our minds. or to take us away and drown us in its stupid ways more so than save. which ever way you want to look at it. its a glass half empty or glass half full kinda thing i guess.
i think its funny how i think i have life so figured out but i know i dont and i dont think i have life figured out. its like i do but i dont and i know i do but i know i dont. and it just will never make sense out in the open.
i can sort of see through people. i can see through there fake front.
i am in my rawest state. my truest self. right now. and i love it. it only comes around once in a blue moon and i want it to stay but it hardly ever does. i wish i could just catch in a jar and take some out when i want it and slap it on and there the feeling is again.
i want something deeper..everyone just scratches the surface with everything. like, theres so much more to everyone. to everything. everyone is always so scared to dig deeper. to expose there true selves. too many people are too content with only knowing 40% of the things about the people they are closest with and about the things life has to offer. its not about being personal really. its just about being real.
everyone is always like "yeah i am my real self with everyone" or with all of my best friends but thats really a bunch of shit. sure they be like 95% of who they REALLY are but the other whatever the fuck percent it is, 5% is hidden. like me. i am like..such a "philospoher" and its in my genes to be a recluse and to just quietly sit and observe people. my grandpa was like that, my mother is like that and it was passed on to me. but i live most of my life loud, outgoing and half the time i dont think at all before i speak. and most people would never guess in a millon years that i would want to sit and shut up and watch. because they dont DIG DEEPER. they only expect from people. and yes i did mean to say it like that. because you shouldnt expect at all. because people have so many sides and who are you to EXPECT them to act like the only ones you know.