Sleepless/Insomnia by rhodesia_skye [Loveless, senza]
Title: Sleepless/Insomnia
Author: rhodesia_skye
Theme: Senza (without)
Fandom: Loveless
Warnings: Shounen-ai (It is Loveless after all)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or this series. That said, this is my interpretation of the events in the manga/anime.
Summary/Comments: Ritsuka ponders Soubi and love, and how neither belong to him.
"Ah, I just can't go to sleep
'Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep..."
~ Craig David - Insomnia
Leaning back against the walls of the tub, Ritsuka feels the warmth of the bathwater seep into his bones. He tilts his head back, trying to make sense of the jumble of thoughts in his head, all clamouring for attention: the Seven Moons, the school for Fighters, "Sensei", the strange note obtained from their battle with Sleepless...
His eyes drift from their vacant stare at the ceiling back down to his hand. They settle on the neat band-aid, hiding the cut that he had been fussing over earlier. Soubi...
Ritsuka slumps defeatedly into the water. The mere thought of that man is enough to make him tired. He is well aware that Soubi knows more than he lets on. He knows that whatever Soubi is keeping from him will shed light on the crucial pieces of this puzzle. But Ritsuka also knows that despite his professions of love, his numerous vows to do whatever Ritsuka orders of him, he will never tell Ritsuka anything that he truly wants to know.
He cannot trust him. Because Soubi is a liar.
A soft, electronic chiming interrupts his thoughts. "A call?" Ritsuka wonders. He races out of the bath, dripping water all over the floor of the bathroom in his haste. When he reaches his cellphone, just outside the bathroom door, he sees it is a message from Soubi. Curious, he opens it. And blanches.
"To Ritsuka," it reads, "Kiss me."
"Ki-Kiss?!" Flustered, Ritsuka actually looks around - as absurd as the notion is, is Soubi somehow able to see him and waiting for his reaction? What should he do? He gives himself a minute to convince himself that the Fighter hasn't snuck in through his window again before heading back to the bath, hoping it will calm him down some.
Trying to loose himself in the warmth of the water again, he stares at the phone in his hand. Heat creeps into his face as he rereads the message, and he doesn't think he can blame the bath. "Is that guy an idiot...?!" Ritsuka wonders, his cheeks burning. And yet... after a moment of hesitation, his eyes slide shut and he presses his lips softly against the phone.
His thoughts are in turmoil as he drains the bathwater and dries himself. He doesn't understand Soubi. He doesn't understand why he keeps doing things like this. Soubi cannot possibly love him, not when he is merely following Seimei's orders to do so. Love doesn't work like that. Ritsuka doesn't understand love either because that is "Ritsuka"'s domain, but he knows that much.
And while Ritsuka hates his 'true' name, a small part of him can't help but feel that perhaps it is more apt that he would like to admit. After all, nothing is ever his - not Seimei, not Soubi, not his mother.
Not love.
He knows Soubi cannot possibly mean anything when he imposes his declarations of love and his kisses upon him. He knows Soubi is a liar. He knows all this. And yet... Ritsuka tries not to think about the ache in his chest as he dresses for bed.
And yet... I believe him!
He doesn't understand anything.
As Ritsuka settles into bed, he glances at his phone once more. Sucking in a deep breath, he gathers his courage and quickly types up a message, hitting the 'send' button before he has a chance to change his mind.
He stares at the phone beside his pillow for a long while, running the words over in his mind. He feels his cheeks burn and wonders if maybe he was too forward.
Go to sleep already. Chu~
After what seems like hours, Ritsuka turns his back on the phone and tries to find the solace in sleep that has been eluding him lately. His fingers twist in the sheets as he tries not to think about Soubi anymore. He tries not to think about how much he wants to hear Soubi's voice right now, even though it is filled with lies more often than not. He tries not to think about how much he wants to see Soubi right now, even though seeing him brings more pain than anything else.
Ritsuka sighs quietly in frustration and resigns himself to another sleepless night.
"I can't sleep 'til you're next to me
No, I can't live without you no more"
~ Craig David - Insomnia
Author: rhodesia_skye
Theme: Senza (without)
Fandom: Loveless
Warnings: Shounen-ai (It is Loveless after all)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or this series. That said, this is my interpretation of the events in the manga/anime.
Summary/Comments: Ritsuka ponders Soubi and love, and how neither belong to him.
"Ah, I just can't go to sleep
'Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep..."
~ Craig David - Insomnia
Leaning back against the walls of the tub, Ritsuka feels the warmth of the bathwater seep into his bones. He tilts his head back, trying to make sense of the jumble of thoughts in his head, all clamouring for attention: the Seven Moons, the school for Fighters, "Sensei", the strange note obtained from their battle with Sleepless...
His eyes drift from their vacant stare at the ceiling back down to his hand. They settle on the neat band-aid, hiding the cut that he had been fussing over earlier. Soubi...
Ritsuka slumps defeatedly into the water. The mere thought of that man is enough to make him tired. He is well aware that Soubi knows more than he lets on. He knows that whatever Soubi is keeping from him will shed light on the crucial pieces of this puzzle. But Ritsuka also knows that despite his professions of love, his numerous vows to do whatever Ritsuka orders of him, he will never tell Ritsuka anything that he truly wants to know.
He cannot trust him. Because Soubi is a liar.
A soft, electronic chiming interrupts his thoughts. "A call?" Ritsuka wonders. He races out of the bath, dripping water all over the floor of the bathroom in his haste. When he reaches his cellphone, just outside the bathroom door, he sees it is a message from Soubi. Curious, he opens it. And blanches.
"To Ritsuka," it reads, "Kiss me."
"Ki-Kiss?!" Flustered, Ritsuka actually looks around - as absurd as the notion is, is Soubi somehow able to see him and waiting for his reaction? What should he do? He gives himself a minute to convince himself that the Fighter hasn't snuck in through his window again before heading back to the bath, hoping it will calm him down some.
Trying to loose himself in the warmth of the water again, he stares at the phone in his hand. Heat creeps into his face as he rereads the message, and he doesn't think he can blame the bath. "Is that guy an idiot...?!" Ritsuka wonders, his cheeks burning. And yet... after a moment of hesitation, his eyes slide shut and he presses his lips softly against the phone.
His thoughts are in turmoil as he drains the bathwater and dries himself. He doesn't understand Soubi. He doesn't understand why he keeps doing things like this. Soubi cannot possibly love him, not when he is merely following Seimei's orders to do so. Love doesn't work like that. Ritsuka doesn't understand love either because that is "Ritsuka"'s domain, but he knows that much.
And while Ritsuka hates his 'true' name, a small part of him can't help but feel that perhaps it is more apt that he would like to admit. After all, nothing is ever his - not Seimei, not Soubi, not his mother.
Not love.
He knows Soubi cannot possibly mean anything when he imposes his declarations of love and his kisses upon him. He knows Soubi is a liar. He knows all this. And yet... Ritsuka tries not to think about the ache in his chest as he dresses for bed.
And yet... I believe him!
He doesn't understand anything.
As Ritsuka settles into bed, he glances at his phone once more. Sucking in a deep breath, he gathers his courage and quickly types up a message, hitting the 'send' button before he has a chance to change his mind.
He stares at the phone beside his pillow for a long while, running the words over in his mind. He feels his cheeks burn and wonders if maybe he was too forward.
Go to sleep already. Chu~
After what seems like hours, Ritsuka turns his back on the phone and tries to find the solace in sleep that has been eluding him lately. His fingers twist in the sheets as he tries not to think about Soubi anymore. He tries not to think about how much he wants to hear Soubi's voice right now, even though it is filled with lies more often than not. He tries not to think about how much he wants to see Soubi right now, even though seeing him brings more pain than anything else.
Ritsuka sighs quietly in frustration and resigns himself to another sleepless night.
"I can't sleep 'til you're next to me
No, I can't live without you no more"
~ Craig David - Insomnia