(no subject)
So, I don't know if I've written about my language woes yet, but in brief, they go like this:
I am miserably incompetent.
That's a bit of an exaggeration, but just a bit. Working as an English teacher is sort of turning my brain into mush. My English is deteriorating, and my Spanish is also deteriorating. My brain feels like it's been tied in knots and squeezed a little too hard--I can't find the right words in any language, and I sometimes just sit staring at whoever I'm talking to, waiting for the right phrase to come to me. Often, it does not.
I'm so frustrated. I want my old speed and accuracy back in Spanish, so that my friends here don't make fun of me for speaking so much worse than when I left. And I want to speak English with intelligent natives about intellectual things instead of shit that feels like a waste of brain cells. I also want to be able to use the right words, and not type "I'm so frustrating" like I originally did here. Or say things like "I don't have enough age to do that," which I did the other day. I'd also like to be able to avoid making similarly moronic mistakes in Spanish. Of course I'll make some mistakes in Spanish. But seriously? "I don't have enough age to do that" style? Ridiculous.
Frustrated.
I am miserably incompetent.
That's a bit of an exaggeration, but just a bit. Working as an English teacher is sort of turning my brain into mush. My English is deteriorating, and my Spanish is also deteriorating. My brain feels like it's been tied in knots and squeezed a little too hard--I can't find the right words in any language, and I sometimes just sit staring at whoever I'm talking to, waiting for the right phrase to come to me. Often, it does not.
I'm so frustrated. I want my old speed and accuracy back in Spanish, so that my friends here don't make fun of me for speaking so much worse than when I left. And I want to speak English with intelligent natives about intellectual things instead of shit that feels like a waste of brain cells. I also want to be able to use the right words, and not type "I'm so frustrating" like I originally did here. Or say things like "I don't have enough age to do that," which I did the other day. I'd also like to be able to avoid making similarly moronic mistakes in Spanish. Of course I'll make some mistakes in Spanish. But seriously? "I don't have enough age to do that" style? Ridiculous.
Frustrated.