Chapter.11.
FINALLY - I present to you Chapter.11. and now the ball is going to get rolling for the 'real' plot XD!!
Title:At least their Certified.
Author:17thGaffer
Rating: For stupidity- PG13 going R slightly ++It's also a AU fic.
Warnings:Extreme Cracked bad humor + random violence
Summary:Joachim is a landlord recently released from Jail for GBH charges. He's trying to re-build his life but finds his tenants are going to make that some what of a challenge. Not to mention is cracked up Gigolo Cousin who's decided to bug him now to.
Disclaimer:I don't know any of these people and don't condone any of the violence displayed.
Episode summary: Lukas travels to China to find out the truth about Monika, who runs into his biggest fangirl, and later gets more help from his two new twin flat mates Rensing and Ottl.
Previous Episodes:Part.1. Part.2. Part.3. Part.4. Part.5. Part.6. Part.7. Part.8. Part.9. Part.10.
Chapter.11. - How High
“Who is that?” Asked Jens very annoyed, turning around.
He looked up at Conny but she was just staring at the wall. From the other side of it, came very loud and very incoherent rapping.
“YO - I’LL SHOW YOU DA STARS MONKEY PEOPLE AND I’M COOLING WITH CARS DOGS CHEWING GUM.”
“That’s not Lukas.” Said Conny wide eyed.
“It’s too good?” Asked Jens.
“No - Lukas has a phobia of chewing gum - remember?” Replied his disturbed wife.
Getting up in horror, Jens stood next to his wife and both of them just stared at the wall. Both cocked their heads to the side and just listened to something that sounded like Kahn’s poetry. But in a musical form.
“You know - a quick slash…” Started Jens.
“No - let’s erm….be - what did Joachim call that the other day? ‘Civil’?” Guessed Conny, tapping her fingers on her lips.
Sighing in disappointment, they both went next door to introduce themselves. When they knocked on the door, first there was no reply. Then Jens kicked the door down. Inside was still their loudly rapping neighbor.
Carefully both Lehmann’s stepped inside and looked at the whole apartment; Conny started moving her head around like a curious hawk and Jens just stepped up behind the young man and stared at him.
“That was dope man - AHHHHHH!!!!!” Screamed the young man, when he turned around and saw Jens.
“We’d really appreciate it, if you’d SHUT UP!” Yelled Jens.
After all the young man had disturbed him right in the middle of a good documentary. This guy was chopping & dissecting up another dead dude’s stomach. Jens was planning to try it out on that guy upstairs that bred pigeons.
“Yo! You can’t bust in like that home-boy.” Complained the young bald boy, doing strange things with his fingers.
“Home-boy?” Asked Jens, raising an eyebrow.
“Look erm - do you have a name?” Asked Conny, stepping in. Her hands pulled up to her chest. Terrified that she was going to catch something, after all by now she’d managed to spot 103 health problems in his apartment.
“I’m Funky-P.” Said the boy, leaning back trying to look gangster.
Both Jens and Conny, just stared at him in pathos. Both gave him a grim look and then start looking around his apartment.
“What?” Complained the young man - that’s a pretty cool rapper name!
They poked around his whole apartment. Jens just stared doubtfully around the place and Conny used a pencil to lift everything.
“This contains enough bacteria to decompose your dead body in 32 hours.” Pointed out Conny.
“Christian!!!!!” Shouted a loud voice.
In stepped a Brazilian looking man with a young girl at his side. Both of them had matching t-shirts, with: ‘Super-Nerds’ printed on them.
“Your name is Christian?” Asked Jens.
“Christian Pander.” Said the young girl, doing a minor jiggy on the spot.
Jens and Conny just looked between the three of them. It was quite entertaining, the girl was dancing on the spot, the Brazilian looking dude was just encouraging her bad dancing and Christian was trying his hardest to look gangster.
“Meet my two roomies. Diego and Susan - even though NEVER call her that.” Warned Christian, stepping back in fear.
“What do we call her?” Asked Conny wide-eyed.
“Erm….Susu - Susi, either one.” Sighed Christian.
“What happens if we call her Susan?” Asked Jens dully.
Everything then suddenly went very quiet. All turned around to face Susan, who had lowered her head and her face was covered by her hair.
Next thing everyone knew, things were flying around and Susan was screaming her head off.
Jens, Conny, Christian and Diego had run away. Only stopping when they managed to lock themselves in Diego’s apartment.
“That was extremely weird and I don’t want to talk about this ever again!” Declared Jens quietly.
**************************************************************************************************************************
“Nihao ma!” Declared a friendly voice, raising his hand in a wave to accompany.
It took him 13 hours to reach his destination and now he was hungry. He’d decided to travel all the way to China to see how Monika ticks. To see if there is a way he could win her heart back.
First things first though! Food.
When he walked up to the counter he couldn’t understand any of the scribbles and had to order everything by symbol. Of course he was helped out a bit by the clerk. Who for some strange reason looked European instead of Chinese?
“The BIG thing, with the cheese.” Shouted Podolski at the clerk. He used his hands to make an elaborate circle.
“The quarter pounder.” Pointed out the clerk in perfect German.
“WOAH! I didn’t even speak German.” Said Lukas amazed, his eyes widening.
“I can’t speak English or Chinese.” Pointed out the clerk dully.
Lukas just stared at the short haired, white-blond-ginger man. It was pretty difficult to try and determine his hair color. But his eyes were striking blue.
“The big thing with cheese.” Replied Lukas, confused.
The clerk sighed and gave him his order. Later on Lukas sat outside on the street and was eating it. Suddenly he got a tap on the shoulder.
He turned around and nearly choked. It was that clerk dude.
“Erm….Nihao?” Guessed Lukas.
“You seem lonely Mr. Q and I just finished my shift.” Winked the clerk.
Concerned Lukas just nodded. 5 seconds later he shoved all this food into his mouth and disturbingly, had the clerk wipe his mouth clean for him with a tissue.
“Erm….do you have a name?” Stuttered Lukas intimidating. Especially by his friendliness.
“Yup Mr. Q - Christian Lell.” Grinned Christian.
Nodding, Lukas tried to gain as much space between him and Lell as possible. That failed however because Lell just moved closer to him.
“Do you have a life?” Asked Lukas, finding suddenly a use for Mr. Lell.
“Not until I met you and then the skies parted and it fell upon me.” Managed to say Lell - with a straight face.
Lukas just stared at him.
He continued staring for a little more.
“Right. Well - erm….that’s great?” Said Lukas lost for words. He didn’t want to appear rude, so he tried to look like he understand completely what Lell felt.
“I love you.” Declared Lell, taking Lukas’s hand and placing it on his heart. Yet again - all of this with a straight face.
“I’m married!” Screamed Lukas, as it finally hit home what Lell had said.
Looking into the sky, in a cheesy Hollywood forlorn love lost way, Lell started to sing.
“bei fang you jia ren
jue shi er du li
yi gu qing ren cheng
zai gu qing ren guo
ning bu zhi
qing cheng yu qing guo
jia ren nan zai de.”
When he finished he looked at Lukas and tried to seduce him? Or what was that look for?
“You know I don’t mind being your friend - but if that’s going to work. THIS has to stop.” Demanded Lukas, taking his hand back.
“This is always the heartbreaking road true lovers take. But do not fear my love, one day it will be all conquered - now tell me what it is you want from me?” Declared Lell, pretending to look like he was biting his finger nails, but in a romantic way.
“If you don’t stop this…..anyway! I need to understand Chinese people. I need to find the parent’s of my wife.” Said Lukas.
“And you need me?” Asked Lell, desperately.
“Yes.” Sighed Lukas.
“HOW CAN I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMERS DAY?” Announced Lell. Folding his hand’s to his heart.
“Just don’t.” Replied Lukas.
*************************************************************************************************************************
When Lukas had finally managed to remember the name of Monika’s parent’s and where they roughly lived -according to her - he let Lell guide him. It was amazing how well the young guy knew China. Exactly like the back of his hand.
It took them both two weeks to arrive. Sometimes Lukas wondered what Monika was doing and how Joachim was coping. After all, his life must be extremely boring without Lukas in it. Not to mention if Bastian was still alive. Had he carried on with this life-time goal of going to Ibiza and Mallorca in one trip?
Of course Lukas had problems of his own. Lell seemed to have this unhealthy need to be around him. Not to mention that weird habit he had of always placing Lukas’s hand on his heart. There was a little plus side to his infatuation though.
He treated Lukas like a spoilt child. Fed him, bathed him, carried everything for him and all the other duties that made Lukas’s life easier. It also gave Lell his sought after chance to be close to him.
At the height of his ecstasy of being able to tuck Lukas in bed for example, his voice suddenly went extremely high and he start nattering away in some Asian language.
It took some getting used to, but at least Lukas knew Lell was happy.
Monika’s parent’s house wasn’t like anything he’d expected it to be. It was HUGE! It looked like it had 5 stories to it and the garden looked like something from an English castle. Outside was sitting an old lady, who recognized Lukas right away.
“Ah, Lukas.” Greeted the lady getting up.
“Hello Granny.” Replied Lukas, smiling.
She’d liked him the minute she’d seen him. Unlike the rest of Monika’s family. However they couldn’t say anything, because she was family head. Ever since her husband ‘mysteriously’ died from poisoning.
“I knew you’d come. The minute I saw you, I knew you’d be her future.” Smiled Granny - pinching Lukas’s cheek.
They followed her inside and let her serve them tea. This just earned her a small glare from Lell. It was HIS job to get Lukas tea.
The young polish man still wasn’t sure, how someone so tough looking (and sometimes acting) could be so jealous and overly gay - occasionally.
“Erm…Granny. You said something with ‘you knew I’d be the one’.” Asked Lukas puzzled.
“Oh yes - when Monika was young. I knew she’d find her future in you.” Reflected Granny.
“Yea - and we married.” Said Lukas, clearly ignoring all the mystery she was adding to this.
“I think she means, meeting you has managed to unlock some hidden path that Monika is meant to tred.” Explained Lell, understanding her meaning.
“What could possibly be hidden about Monika.” Asked Lukas, raising his hands in annoyance.
“She was adopted remember. She forgot her father and her father forgot her. She’s also lost her brother and her brother forgot her in his mind. Not his heart. You need to help her discover her past.” Explained Granny.
She got up and walked into another room. Leaving the two men to try and contemplate what on her earth she meant.
When she returned Lell and Lukas were just about to leave.
“Before you leave smart ass. Let me at least show you her true father.” Commanded Granny.
She showed a huge old painting to Lukas.
His first thought was: how did she drag that thing in here and then his second thought nearly stopped his heart.
“THAT is her father…..but that’s not possible! That’s -“
*************************************************************************************************************************
“Do you think she’s right?” Asked Lell, sticking his face in Lukas’s, trying to appear cute and concerned.
“It has to be but…..”Just as Lukas tried to recollect himself, he heard a slightly familiar voice.
“Look Big Brother - it’s that prostitute from the 9th floor!” Pointed out Andreas excited.
Walking up to him was his fellow neighbors Michael Rensing and Andreas Ottl.
“HOW on EARTH did you two get HERE?” Exclaimed Lukas.
“How dare you call my true love a prostitute!” Yelled Lell, getting up in an uproar.
Just as he was about to punch Andreas (who was chewing on a strawberry) Rensing stepped between them. Nevertheless, Lell kicked Rensing in the nuts and then pulled Andreas by his hair to the busy road, to throw him in front of a car.
“NO! LELL NO!” Screamed Lukas, trying to grab Andreas off of him.
Suddenly Rensing jumped on Lell’s back and started punching him in the head.
Soon police had ran up to them and 2 hours later, all 4 of them were sitting in prison.
“NEVER do something again in declaration of your love to me.” Hissed Lukas at Lell.
“But love - knows no bounds.” Desperately tried Lell to explain.
“Are you two in a relationship?” Sneered Rensing.
“Shut up queerdo!” Sneered Lell back and in no time - Lell was kicking Rensing in the nuts and Rensing was punching his spine.
While they were fighting, Andreas turned to Lukas.
“Monika sent us.” Explained Andreas.
“Really? Why?” At first Lukas was excited, but then he felt down again. For some reason he still couldn’t shake the thoughts of her and Sebastian.
“She was worried and heart broken by your letter. She can’t believe you want to divorce from her.” Said Andreas.
“I don’t!” Said Lukas shocked.
“Then why did you make it sound like your leaving her?”
“Because I wanted to figure her out. Try and win her heart back. Believe me, I’ve found out A LOT now.”
“The sooner you can tell her the better. Her and Sebastian have been crying about it all this time now. They can really relate.” Reflected Andreas.
“They CAN relate.” Reassured Lukas, leaning in closer.
“What do you mean?” Whispered Andreas.
“I talked to her grandmother. I’ve found out that Monika was adopted.” Said Lukas.
“Thought you knew that before?” Replied Andreas, wrinkling his nose.
"I mean - its not like she exactly looks very Chinese or she's Malaysian." Continued Andreas, rolling his eyes.
“Yes - what I didn’t know is that she’s also Sebastian’s younger sister and her father is…..” Explained Lukas, ignoring the eye rolling.
“Is….?” Andreas was anxious to know.
They both scooted in closer to each other and Lukas leaned in closer.
“It’s………Joachim.” Silently admitted Lukas. Staring at the floor Lukas felt slightly disturbed by the news.
“How? What? WHY?” Stared Andreas.
“He knocked up her mother and she was born, however due to weird circumstances taking place in the family, she and Sebastian had to be given up for adoption and Joachim became….what he became.” Acknowledged Lukas.
“The Royal family.” Whispered Andreas to himself.
“Excuse me - what?” Asked Lukas.
“Quick! We have to get out of her and find Monika, Sebastian and Joachim immediately.” Urged Andreas yanking Lukas by the arm.
“WAIT! What about these two?” Asked Lukas.
He pointed down at Rensing and Lell, who both were passed out on the floor. Rensing got kicked in his nuts so many times he passed out. But at the same time he punched Lell so many times in his spinal cord that the nerves in his brain went flat to.
“We’ll send someone to get them!” Rushed Andreas and just opened the prison door.
“Why didn’t we do this before?” Asked Lukas annoyed, realizing they just were able to walk out of their jail.
Andreas just rolled his eyes and yanked Lukas along.
*************************************************************************************************************************
“MONIKA!” Screamed Lukas.
He was running frantically up the stairs and shouting his lungs out for her.
During his race he bumped into Ballack.
“Take it easy? Welcome back finally.” Congratulated the Pimp.
“No time! Where’s Monika?” Asked Andreas, racing up behind Lukas.
Ballack scratched his head and then remembered.
“Not quite sure. Ask Joachim’s new boyfriend. He’s supposed to know all.” Grinned Ballack.
He walked off and left them to their own thoughts. Both of them just had many scenes going through their head. Joachim didn’t butter his toast on both sides - did he?
They walked up to his apartment and knocked on the door. Only to have it be opened by Timo.
“IT’S TRUE!” Screamed Lukas.
“Is erm…..Joachim here?” Asked Andreas, feeling a tad disturbed - mostly by Lukas’s behavior.
Timo just stared at them both, slightly scared, and lead them into the apartment. He walked off and they could hear him speaking to Joachim.
When he entered into the room, he saw a jumpy Lukas and a very red faced Andreas.
“Erm…..why are you harassing me - again?” Sighed Joachim.
“Ballack said you knew where Monika was?” Blushed Andreas.
“As much as I wish that it wasn’t my job to look after all of you - sadly I do happen to know where she is.” Replied Joachim.
He sounded more annoyed then usual.
“What’s wrong with you?” Asked Lukas, regaining himself.
“Well let me see - I’ve been pulled into a relationship with a psycho AND I nearly got shoot 9 times!” Screamed Joachim.
“Shoot?” Gasped Andreas and Lukas simultaneously.
“YES! By some dude who had the most stupid hair cut I’ve ever seen and rode in some stupid black 80’s car.” Growled Joachim.
“And where’s Monika?” Asked Andreas.
“She went some where 3 days ago. Haven’t seen her since, until 2 minutes ago.” Explained Joachim, relaxing slightly.
“AND!” Screamed Lukas getting up.
“She went upstairs to visit the Ballack’s. And some weird new pet Michael gave to Simone.” Explained Timo, suddenly lovingly massaging Joachim’s shoulders.
Both of the young men decided to take their leave, when Timo started getting very close to Joachim’s shoulders.
Doggedly, they went all the nearly to the top. When they bumped into Lena.
“Why are you crying?” Gently Asked Lukas.
“It’s over!” Sobbed Lena, lifting her head.
*************************************************************************************************************************
She sobbed and sobbed. They decided to take her to Andrea’s apartment. While he looked after her, Lukas went upstairs to find Monika.
He knocked several times before he saw a very tired looking Ballack open the door.
Who just stared at him and was trying to murmur some words.
Simone showed up behind him. She on the other hand had a huge smile on her face.
“Oh look Monika! Come in Lukas! You’ve missed so much while being gone.” Cheerfully said Simone.
It was starting to become an annoying habit, that people just yanked Lukas every where.
He came face to face then with Monika. She looked far from impressed or happy to see him. What followed was a string of sentences that Lukas was convinced, were swear words -that not even truck drivers would say.
Both Pimps (that is the Ballacks) just backed off and went into their room.
“WHY do you like this guy so much?” Asked Ballack, starting to get worried by Simone’s attention to her new “pet”.
“Because - he’s cute!” Declared Simone, petting Thomas on his head.
Thomas seemed quite pleased with his position in life to. Happily munching away on a cheese burger, he sat on the floor.
“Do you actually want him to sleep in our apartment forever?” Asked Ballack, raising his eyebrow.
“What a stupid question.” Remarked Simone, shaking her head.
“I like cheese burgers.” Purred Thomas.
“Of course you do and mommy is going to make sure you get plenty more.” Cooed Simone back, at her new little baby.
This is what she had always wanted. Her own little baby slash pet.
Ballack just stood there lost.
“Now where is Nicole - I have a job for her.” Asked Ballack to himself.
Leaving the room and fighting to the door.
...TBC...
NOTES:
+ Sorry this took so long but I had to decide who to concentrate on. Also I'm starting to try and introduce the proper plot now XD!!
++ Yes I know Lell isn't originally in the character list, but blame Wispy for getting me hooked onto him.
+++ I know I'm publishing this when Nuffie doesn't have her internet XD!! But in case anyone is wondering, yes 'Susu' is her XD!!! The name is a inside joke itself between me and her.
++++ The song that Lell sings to Lukas, is the actual song from "House of Flying daggers". It's the 'beauty' song. If anyone wants the translation then just ask XD!!
Lell also refers to Lukas as 'Mr.Q' because in mainland China, that's slang for 'cute'.
All I can say is enjoy....
Title:At least their Certified.
Author:17thGaffer
Rating: For stupidity- PG13 going R slightly ++It's also a AU fic.
Warnings:Extreme Cracked bad humor + random violence
Summary:Joachim is a landlord recently released from Jail for GBH charges. He's trying to re-build his life but finds his tenants are going to make that some what of a challenge. Not to mention is cracked up Gigolo Cousin who's decided to bug him now to.
Disclaimer:I don't know any of these people and don't condone any of the violence displayed.
Episode summary: Lukas travels to China to find out the truth about Monika, who runs into his biggest fangirl, and later gets more help from his two new twin flat mates Rensing and Ottl.
Previous Episodes:Part.1. Part.2. Part.3. Part.4. Part.5. Part.6. Part.7. Part.8. Part.9. Part.10.
Chapter.11. - How High
“Who is that?” Asked Jens very annoyed, turning around.
He looked up at Conny but she was just staring at the wall. From the other side of it, came very loud and very incoherent rapping.
“YO - I’LL SHOW YOU DA STARS MONKEY PEOPLE AND I’M COOLING WITH CARS DOGS CHEWING GUM.”
“That’s not Lukas.” Said Conny wide eyed.
“It’s too good?” Asked Jens.
“No - Lukas has a phobia of chewing gum - remember?” Replied his disturbed wife.
Getting up in horror, Jens stood next to his wife and both of them just stared at the wall. Both cocked their heads to the side and just listened to something that sounded like Kahn’s poetry. But in a musical form.
“You know - a quick slash…” Started Jens.
“No - let’s erm….be - what did Joachim call that the other day? ‘Civil’?” Guessed Conny, tapping her fingers on her lips.
Sighing in disappointment, they both went next door to introduce themselves. When they knocked on the door, first there was no reply. Then Jens kicked the door down. Inside was still their loudly rapping neighbor.
Carefully both Lehmann’s stepped inside and looked at the whole apartment; Conny started moving her head around like a curious hawk and Jens just stepped up behind the young man and stared at him.
“That was dope man - AHHHHHH!!!!!” Screamed the young man, when he turned around and saw Jens.
“We’d really appreciate it, if you’d SHUT UP!” Yelled Jens.
After all the young man had disturbed him right in the middle of a good documentary. This guy was chopping & dissecting up another dead dude’s stomach. Jens was planning to try it out on that guy upstairs that bred pigeons.
“Yo! You can’t bust in like that home-boy.” Complained the young bald boy, doing strange things with his fingers.
“Home-boy?” Asked Jens, raising an eyebrow.
“Look erm - do you have a name?” Asked Conny, stepping in. Her hands pulled up to her chest. Terrified that she was going to catch something, after all by now she’d managed to spot 103 health problems in his apartment.
“I’m Funky-P.” Said the boy, leaning back trying to look gangster.
Both Jens and Conny, just stared at him in pathos. Both gave him a grim look and then start looking around his apartment.
“What?” Complained the young man - that’s a pretty cool rapper name!
They poked around his whole apartment. Jens just stared doubtfully around the place and Conny used a pencil to lift everything.
“This contains enough bacteria to decompose your dead body in 32 hours.” Pointed out Conny.
“Christian!!!!!” Shouted a loud voice.
In stepped a Brazilian looking man with a young girl at his side. Both of them had matching t-shirts, with: ‘Super-Nerds’ printed on them.
“Your name is Christian?” Asked Jens.
“Christian Pander.” Said the young girl, doing a minor jiggy on the spot.
Jens and Conny just looked between the three of them. It was quite entertaining, the girl was dancing on the spot, the Brazilian looking dude was just encouraging her bad dancing and Christian was trying his hardest to look gangster.
“Meet my two roomies. Diego and Susan - even though NEVER call her that.” Warned Christian, stepping back in fear.
“What do we call her?” Asked Conny wide-eyed.
“Erm….Susu - Susi, either one.” Sighed Christian.
“What happens if we call her Susan?” Asked Jens dully.
Everything then suddenly went very quiet. All turned around to face Susan, who had lowered her head and her face was covered by her hair.
Next thing everyone knew, things were flying around and Susan was screaming her head off.
Jens, Conny, Christian and Diego had run away. Only stopping when they managed to lock themselves in Diego’s apartment.
“That was extremely weird and I don’t want to talk about this ever again!” Declared Jens quietly.
**************************************************************************************************************************
“Nihao ma!” Declared a friendly voice, raising his hand in a wave to accompany.
It took him 13 hours to reach his destination and now he was hungry. He’d decided to travel all the way to China to see how Monika ticks. To see if there is a way he could win her heart back.
First things first though! Food.
When he walked up to the counter he couldn’t understand any of the scribbles and had to order everything by symbol. Of course he was helped out a bit by the clerk. Who for some strange reason looked European instead of Chinese?
“The BIG thing, with the cheese.” Shouted Podolski at the clerk. He used his hands to make an elaborate circle.
“The quarter pounder.” Pointed out the clerk in perfect German.
“WOAH! I didn’t even speak German.” Said Lukas amazed, his eyes widening.
“I can’t speak English or Chinese.” Pointed out the clerk dully.
Lukas just stared at the short haired, white-blond-ginger man. It was pretty difficult to try and determine his hair color. But his eyes were striking blue.
“The big thing with cheese.” Replied Lukas, confused.
The clerk sighed and gave him his order. Later on Lukas sat outside on the street and was eating it. Suddenly he got a tap on the shoulder.
He turned around and nearly choked. It was that clerk dude.
“Erm….Nihao?” Guessed Lukas.
“You seem lonely Mr. Q and I just finished my shift.” Winked the clerk.
Concerned Lukas just nodded. 5 seconds later he shoved all this food into his mouth and disturbingly, had the clerk wipe his mouth clean for him with a tissue.
“Erm….do you have a name?” Stuttered Lukas intimidating. Especially by his friendliness.
“Yup Mr. Q - Christian Lell.” Grinned Christian.
Nodding, Lukas tried to gain as much space between him and Lell as possible. That failed however because Lell just moved closer to him.
“Do you have a life?” Asked Lukas, finding suddenly a use for Mr. Lell.
“Not until I met you and then the skies parted and it fell upon me.” Managed to say Lell - with a straight face.
Lukas just stared at him.
He continued staring for a little more.
“Right. Well - erm….that’s great?” Said Lukas lost for words. He didn’t want to appear rude, so he tried to look like he understand completely what Lell felt.
“I love you.” Declared Lell, taking Lukas’s hand and placing it on his heart. Yet again - all of this with a straight face.
“I’m married!” Screamed Lukas, as it finally hit home what Lell had said.
Looking into the sky, in a cheesy Hollywood forlorn love lost way, Lell started to sing.
“bei fang you jia ren
jue shi er du li
yi gu qing ren cheng
zai gu qing ren guo
ning bu zhi
qing cheng yu qing guo
jia ren nan zai de.”
When he finished he looked at Lukas and tried to seduce him? Or what was that look for?
“You know I don’t mind being your friend - but if that’s going to work. THIS has to stop.” Demanded Lukas, taking his hand back.
“This is always the heartbreaking road true lovers take. But do not fear my love, one day it will be all conquered - now tell me what it is you want from me?” Declared Lell, pretending to look like he was biting his finger nails, but in a romantic way.
“If you don’t stop this…..anyway! I need to understand Chinese people. I need to find the parent’s of my wife.” Said Lukas.
“And you need me?” Asked Lell, desperately.
“Yes.” Sighed Lukas.
“HOW CAN I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMERS DAY?” Announced Lell. Folding his hand’s to his heart.
“Just don’t.” Replied Lukas.
*************************************************************************************************************************
When Lukas had finally managed to remember the name of Monika’s parent’s and where they roughly lived -according to her - he let Lell guide him. It was amazing how well the young guy knew China. Exactly like the back of his hand.
It took them both two weeks to arrive. Sometimes Lukas wondered what Monika was doing and how Joachim was coping. After all, his life must be extremely boring without Lukas in it. Not to mention if Bastian was still alive. Had he carried on with this life-time goal of going to Ibiza and Mallorca in one trip?
Of course Lukas had problems of his own. Lell seemed to have this unhealthy need to be around him. Not to mention that weird habit he had of always placing Lukas’s hand on his heart. There was a little plus side to his infatuation though.
He treated Lukas like a spoilt child. Fed him, bathed him, carried everything for him and all the other duties that made Lukas’s life easier. It also gave Lell his sought after chance to be close to him.
At the height of his ecstasy of being able to tuck Lukas in bed for example, his voice suddenly went extremely high and he start nattering away in some Asian language.
It took some getting used to, but at least Lukas knew Lell was happy.
Monika’s parent’s house wasn’t like anything he’d expected it to be. It was HUGE! It looked like it had 5 stories to it and the garden looked like something from an English castle. Outside was sitting an old lady, who recognized Lukas right away.
“Ah, Lukas.” Greeted the lady getting up.
“Hello Granny.” Replied Lukas, smiling.
She’d liked him the minute she’d seen him. Unlike the rest of Monika’s family. However they couldn’t say anything, because she was family head. Ever since her husband ‘mysteriously’ died from poisoning.
“I knew you’d come. The minute I saw you, I knew you’d be her future.” Smiled Granny - pinching Lukas’s cheek.
They followed her inside and let her serve them tea. This just earned her a small glare from Lell. It was HIS job to get Lukas tea.
The young polish man still wasn’t sure, how someone so tough looking (and sometimes acting) could be so jealous and overly gay - occasionally.
“Erm…Granny. You said something with ‘you knew I’d be the one’.” Asked Lukas puzzled.
“Oh yes - when Monika was young. I knew she’d find her future in you.” Reflected Granny.
“Yea - and we married.” Said Lukas, clearly ignoring all the mystery she was adding to this.
“I think she means, meeting you has managed to unlock some hidden path that Monika is meant to tred.” Explained Lell, understanding her meaning.
“What could possibly be hidden about Monika.” Asked Lukas, raising his hands in annoyance.
“She was adopted remember. She forgot her father and her father forgot her. She’s also lost her brother and her brother forgot her in his mind. Not his heart. You need to help her discover her past.” Explained Granny.
She got up and walked into another room. Leaving the two men to try and contemplate what on her earth she meant.
When she returned Lell and Lukas were just about to leave.
“Before you leave smart ass. Let me at least show you her true father.” Commanded Granny.
She showed a huge old painting to Lukas.
His first thought was: how did she drag that thing in here and then his second thought nearly stopped his heart.
“THAT is her father…..but that’s not possible! That’s -“
*************************************************************************************************************************
“Do you think she’s right?” Asked Lell, sticking his face in Lukas’s, trying to appear cute and concerned.
“It has to be but…..”Just as Lukas tried to recollect himself, he heard a slightly familiar voice.
“Look Big Brother - it’s that prostitute from the 9th floor!” Pointed out Andreas excited.
Walking up to him was his fellow neighbors Michael Rensing and Andreas Ottl.
“HOW on EARTH did you two get HERE?” Exclaimed Lukas.
“How dare you call my true love a prostitute!” Yelled Lell, getting up in an uproar.
Just as he was about to punch Andreas (who was chewing on a strawberry) Rensing stepped between them. Nevertheless, Lell kicked Rensing in the nuts and then pulled Andreas by his hair to the busy road, to throw him in front of a car.
“NO! LELL NO!” Screamed Lukas, trying to grab Andreas off of him.
Suddenly Rensing jumped on Lell’s back and started punching him in the head.
Soon police had ran up to them and 2 hours later, all 4 of them were sitting in prison.
“NEVER do something again in declaration of your love to me.” Hissed Lukas at Lell.
“But love - knows no bounds.” Desperately tried Lell to explain.
“Are you two in a relationship?” Sneered Rensing.
“Shut up queerdo!” Sneered Lell back and in no time - Lell was kicking Rensing in the nuts and Rensing was punching his spine.
While they were fighting, Andreas turned to Lukas.
“Monika sent us.” Explained Andreas.
“Really? Why?” At first Lukas was excited, but then he felt down again. For some reason he still couldn’t shake the thoughts of her and Sebastian.
“She was worried and heart broken by your letter. She can’t believe you want to divorce from her.” Said Andreas.
“I don’t!” Said Lukas shocked.
“Then why did you make it sound like your leaving her?”
“Because I wanted to figure her out. Try and win her heart back. Believe me, I’ve found out A LOT now.”
“The sooner you can tell her the better. Her and Sebastian have been crying about it all this time now. They can really relate.” Reflected Andreas.
“They CAN relate.” Reassured Lukas, leaning in closer.
“What do you mean?” Whispered Andreas.
“I talked to her grandmother. I’ve found out that Monika was adopted.” Said Lukas.
“Thought you knew that before?” Replied Andreas, wrinkling his nose.
"I mean - its not like she exactly looks very Chinese or she's Malaysian." Continued Andreas, rolling his eyes.
“Yes - what I didn’t know is that she’s also Sebastian’s younger sister and her father is…..” Explained Lukas, ignoring the eye rolling.
“Is….?” Andreas was anxious to know.
They both scooted in closer to each other and Lukas leaned in closer.
“It’s………Joachim.” Silently admitted Lukas. Staring at the floor Lukas felt slightly disturbed by the news.
“How? What? WHY?” Stared Andreas.
“He knocked up her mother and she was born, however due to weird circumstances taking place in the family, she and Sebastian had to be given up for adoption and Joachim became….what he became.” Acknowledged Lukas.
“The Royal family.” Whispered Andreas to himself.
“Excuse me - what?” Asked Lukas.
“Quick! We have to get out of her and find Monika, Sebastian and Joachim immediately.” Urged Andreas yanking Lukas by the arm.
“WAIT! What about these two?” Asked Lukas.
He pointed down at Rensing and Lell, who both were passed out on the floor. Rensing got kicked in his nuts so many times he passed out. But at the same time he punched Lell so many times in his spinal cord that the nerves in his brain went flat to.
“We’ll send someone to get them!” Rushed Andreas and just opened the prison door.
“Why didn’t we do this before?” Asked Lukas annoyed, realizing they just were able to walk out of their jail.
Andreas just rolled his eyes and yanked Lukas along.
*************************************************************************************************************************
“MONIKA!” Screamed Lukas.
He was running frantically up the stairs and shouting his lungs out for her.
During his race he bumped into Ballack.
“Take it easy? Welcome back finally.” Congratulated the Pimp.
“No time! Where’s Monika?” Asked Andreas, racing up behind Lukas.
Ballack scratched his head and then remembered.
“Not quite sure. Ask Joachim’s new boyfriend. He’s supposed to know all.” Grinned Ballack.
He walked off and left them to their own thoughts. Both of them just had many scenes going through their head. Joachim didn’t butter his toast on both sides - did he?
They walked up to his apartment and knocked on the door. Only to have it be opened by Timo.
“IT’S TRUE!” Screamed Lukas.
“Is erm…..Joachim here?” Asked Andreas, feeling a tad disturbed - mostly by Lukas’s behavior.
Timo just stared at them both, slightly scared, and lead them into the apartment. He walked off and they could hear him speaking to Joachim.
When he entered into the room, he saw a jumpy Lukas and a very red faced Andreas.
“Erm…..why are you harassing me - again?” Sighed Joachim.
“Ballack said you knew where Monika was?” Blushed Andreas.
“As much as I wish that it wasn’t my job to look after all of you - sadly I do happen to know where she is.” Replied Joachim.
He sounded more annoyed then usual.
“What’s wrong with you?” Asked Lukas, regaining himself.
“Well let me see - I’ve been pulled into a relationship with a psycho AND I nearly got shoot 9 times!” Screamed Joachim.
“Shoot?” Gasped Andreas and Lukas simultaneously.
“YES! By some dude who had the most stupid hair cut I’ve ever seen and rode in some stupid black 80’s car.” Growled Joachim.
“And where’s Monika?” Asked Andreas.
“She went some where 3 days ago. Haven’t seen her since, until 2 minutes ago.” Explained Joachim, relaxing slightly.
“AND!” Screamed Lukas getting up.
“She went upstairs to visit the Ballack’s. And some weird new pet Michael gave to Simone.” Explained Timo, suddenly lovingly massaging Joachim’s shoulders.
Both of the young men decided to take their leave, when Timo started getting very close to Joachim’s shoulders.
Doggedly, they went all the nearly to the top. When they bumped into Lena.
“Why are you crying?” Gently Asked Lukas.
“It’s over!” Sobbed Lena, lifting her head.
*************************************************************************************************************************
She sobbed and sobbed. They decided to take her to Andrea’s apartment. While he looked after her, Lukas went upstairs to find Monika.
He knocked several times before he saw a very tired looking Ballack open the door.
Who just stared at him and was trying to murmur some words.
Simone showed up behind him. She on the other hand had a huge smile on her face.
“Oh look Monika! Come in Lukas! You’ve missed so much while being gone.” Cheerfully said Simone.
It was starting to become an annoying habit, that people just yanked Lukas every where.
He came face to face then with Monika. She looked far from impressed or happy to see him. What followed was a string of sentences that Lukas was convinced, were swear words -that not even truck drivers would say.
Both Pimps (that is the Ballacks) just backed off and went into their room.
“WHY do you like this guy so much?” Asked Ballack, starting to get worried by Simone’s attention to her new “pet”.
“Because - he’s cute!” Declared Simone, petting Thomas on his head.
Thomas seemed quite pleased with his position in life to. Happily munching away on a cheese burger, he sat on the floor.
“Do you actually want him to sleep in our apartment forever?” Asked Ballack, raising his eyebrow.
“What a stupid question.” Remarked Simone, shaking her head.
“I like cheese burgers.” Purred Thomas.
“Of course you do and mommy is going to make sure you get plenty more.” Cooed Simone back, at her new little baby.
This is what she had always wanted. Her own little baby slash pet.
Ballack just stood there lost.
“Now where is Nicole - I have a job for her.” Asked Ballack to himself.
Leaving the room and fighting to the door.
...TBC...
NOTES:
+ Sorry this took so long but I had to decide who to concentrate on. Also I'm starting to try and introduce the proper plot now XD!!
++ Yes I know Lell isn't originally in the character list, but blame Wispy for getting me hooked onto him.
+++ I know I'm publishing this when Nuffie doesn't have her internet XD!! But in case anyone is wondering, yes 'Susu' is her XD!!! The name is a inside joke itself between me and her.
++++ The song that Lell sings to Lukas, is the actual song from "House of Flying daggers". It's the 'beauty' song. If anyone wants the translation then just ask XD!!
Lell also refers to Lukas as 'Mr.Q' because in mainland China, that's slang for 'cute'.
All I can say is enjoy....