LIFE/ FRIENDS/ MISC.
&&&
don't dream too much,
it's such a dissapointment when real people get involved.
writing is exagerrated emotion.
all of the coulda shoulds woulda's,
unsaid feelings, & what went wrongs,
lead me to believe that everyone's scared.
i'm saying too much & you're breathing too loud.
if we keep this up, they'll all find out.
there's no way i could bring you into this mess.
i'm searching, looking, for anyone decent
to throw myself at,
longing for a slice of what you & her have.
i'm way too happy to let you make me sad this time.
best friends means;
calling you in the middle of the night because i just remembered that that cute boy looked at me in the hall today.
i don't want to take the time.
figuring out myself would hurt too much.
too much truth. admittance.
i'm not willing.
i'm not strong.
"i can't."
"yes you can."
"i don't want to."
"yes you do"
"i'm not strong."
"you are. you have to be.
you're going to save the world."
sometimes i want to step out of my body,
only to slap myself in the face & say,
"what the heck were you thinking?"
in my head i'm constantly correcting everyone's grammar.
does that make me a dork?
maybe everybody's not as judgemental as you make them out to be.
maybe everybody's not as judgemental as you are.
high school is like the world's biggest playground.
the boys all play with their toys & pretend to care
while the girls chase them around trying to kiss them.
i finally smiled again today.
it felt good.
yeah it felt good in a sublevel deep down ache kind of way.
that's what life is about.
those moments when you feel entirely carefree,
like nothing can touch you.
it's those moments that make the hard parts so worth it.
it's moments like that that make this heartache bareable.
i know it'll pass- my moments will come.
coming into this, i was apprehensive. after being here a couple days i was wondering why i'd come. then in the middle of my stay, i had a revalation. maybe this isn't about me.
so that's how we have to live,
one laughing fit at a time
because there's not room in this short life
for anything besides happiness & joy.
any moment spent brooding over what could've happened,
how that situation could've been bettered,
is a moment lost.
do you realize all that can happen in a moment?
sometimes we get a little full of ourselves.
but if you were this cool- you so would too.
what do you do with the thoughts unsaid?
do you sweep them under the rug before you go to bed?
or are they left there under your pillow as you sleep?
the thoughts you think as your walking down the street.
what happens to those thoughts never shared?
maybe you'd tell someone if you thought anyone cared.
i'm unstoppable!
watch me save the world.
with or without you-
well that's your choice.
it's the nervousness of getting to know someone again
with the comfort of already knowing them completely.
it's better to wait for something amazing,
than to settle for something less than what you deserve.
sometimes i feel like life's a game
& everyone's rooting for me to win.
everyone.. except me.
all i need is a weekend with my girls
& some harry potter loving.
i'll be cured of this heartache come monday.
i'm getting my life in line.
no more lazy days of eating & feeling sorry for myself.
no more boy obsessions.
no more missed devotionals or choir practices.
no more bad grades or missing assignments.
i'm gonna do things right.
i'm not going to avoid your gaze anymore.
you're not gonna get off that easy.
today i'm looking you right in the eyes
begging you to let me see more of you.
i'm willing to do some searching,
if you're willing to let me in.
it was one of those things.
those deep down feel good things that fill your heart right up.
you can almost feel your chest expanding.
the kind of good thing that makes you say to yourself,
"man, if only life were always this good."
you've got to stop living in your fantasty worlds.
becuase you're starting to treat real life like something you can just shut off.
but you can't.
you can't just roll over & start a new dream.
this is life & you have to live with it.
not thinking about it doesn't make it any less real.
so i've been going on & on
about how i need to get my life in order,
really get to know myself way down deep.
i thought i was doing alright.
so last night when you pointed out my biggest flaw,
right there in front of everyone,
i was so taken aback!
at first i thought it was because surely you were mistaken.
i had no such flaws.
then after turning it over in my mind,
i realized i was so appualed because i knew
that you had hit the nail right on the head.
i was everything you called me out to be,
& it's time i finally started working on my real flaws,
the flaws i'm not willing to admit
until they're thrown in my face.
i only hope you'll wait for me as i work through my knots.
please tell me you'll still be there
because i promise
the finished product will be worth waiting for.
your negativity is wearing me down.
just let go of everything you don't want to be.
strip yourself down to the bare essentials
& just be you.
no motivation
her notebook grows lonely.
wrap me in your arms.
tell me it's alright.
all i need now, is to
cry cry cry.
we're the girls who supposedly have it all together.
you come to us for advice.
would you believe me if i told you
we're just beautifully broken?
trying to find our way on the path least taken.