drinking my self to sleep.

[16sails]

of course i pick a bad day to start using this but maybe writing about it will help me.

i don't even know why things are going so bad, i was doing good i had school undercontroll and i thought i had some friends here but its not working out. everything is falling apart. i just cant wait till i move maybe then i will be happy again.

I've fucked shit up and now my parents are disappointed. i tried to get my stuff together so i could walk through the graduation ceremony but i didn't get everything done in time and i cant, i still can get a diploma but i cant go through the ceremony which i guess meant a lot to my parents.

everytime i hang out there is always a fight and i cant deal with it i only have small group of  friends here and its so hard when there is drama, and then when the drama involves me its even worse especially when i don't know what it is.

i need my old group of friends back, they are all over the country and i just don't function the same with out them. i miss them especially two of them they don't know how much they mean to me and i wish i could tell them but i cant because of the way things are.

i just need them to know that i always want to be there even if i cant answer a phone because it hurts to much to hear a voice (even tho it really would help to hear it) or because i don't call because i want them to be ready to tell me bad news that i already know.

this place doesn't feel like a home.

i miss them all. the nights are the hardest because i have nothing to do but sit and think of all this.
I'm so lonely.

my heart hurts.