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[14thstreet]

once again.

i slap myself in the face for creating some theory so long ago without any actual self-experience and then feeling so strongly about it.
don't listen to anything i say. i'm all talk.

this is real.

edit this post isn't supposed to have any negative undertones

Comments

[anonymous]

You feel empty when you go to wash your hands, and you start to think...you start to examine yourself and your emptiness, how you can go from caring so much to caring not at all, how friends become enemies who become friends who become enemies, how sometimes you feel a desperation clawing at your heart for something, but can't bring yourself to do anything about it except sit quietly and try to forget.
You start to think, maybe life is a whole lot of nothing. Maybe it all is just a Void, and all we are here to do is exist. Because that's the way it feels. We spend money on things we hope will satisfy, and we despair when one day we realize they won't. We try to satisfy ourselves with relationships, with friends or lovers, but we always are left with some sort of broken heart or at least a feeling of this is not filling the hole. Sometimes we use other things to drift away, to forget...but it never lasts. We wake in the morning to reality, to cold hard reality, to memories, and to our broken and unfulfilled selves.
You wash your hands and think, maybe detachment is best.
But you know the truth. You know that the rules of the world no longer apply, and that even the laws of nature are suspect...that the only laws that stand are God's laws. That the course of everything, from the large to the small, is only determined by the truth, that only in the direction of the Divine stream can anything flow.
You know, and it still hurts, but you have something else now.
You have hope. You have hope because deep down, in a place you can't ever even begin to fully understand, you trust God, and you trust His promises. You are born again, and it's not pious jargon, but a Truth that stands before all you do, and all that you are.
Thoreau said, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation." Most believers do as well. We are quiet and helpless in our inability to do anything at all...or else we "ascend" to some certain "level" of Christandom, and then we grow fat and lazy there. We are so complacent, when God is calling us to so much more. It's not about being wealthy, or popular, or even strong. It's about being His, fully His, and letting Him live completely through us. It's about Being, and then Doing. Before you can do, you have to Be.
Be the Beloved, even when the emptiness sets in, even when you have hurt so much you can't even hurt anymore. Just be His.