Tell me what you think of me! I can use all the help I can get here, and I love constructive crits. If I'm doing something wrong, speak up, and I'll see what I can do to fix it. ♥
Hi. I wasn't around for the last HMD (hiatus, orz) so here is some crit that I would've liked to have left last month.
OK so first off, I love what I've seen of your Abel so far. I enjoy stalking his posts and it's great when I get a chance to thread with him. You definitely have a feel for his character.
...But I would like to see you add more depth to him.
Most of Abel's posts consist of him simply being absurdly goofy/acting like an idiot. While he IS goofy, it's sometimes simply an act. He's 1,000+ years old -- you don't want him to seem completely childish, especially in a setting like Discedo. If you could bring out the other facets of his personality, it would be amazing.
Some suggestions:
* Touch upon how he used to hate Terrans * Also: don't hesitate to have him be a bit of a jerk sometimes; he DID feel superior to Terrans at one point * Religion: does he really believe, or is this simply a way to make up for crimes he has committed? Does he believe his soul can ever be saved? * He has extraordinary hacking skills. Let him be nosy! * As for Esther, it seems that he's really been coddling her -- not in a 'paying too much attention' sense, but in a 'letting her get away with things' sense. He was never a softie when it came to her (see: chapter 11, page 31) * Now that you guys have a Caterina, explore that relationship, and bring out more of his professional/responsible side
It really all comes down to bringing out the more serious and/or darker side of him. You are, of course, free to agree or disagree with anything I've said here, but please take it into consideration.
I look forward to seeing what you do with him in the future. <3
Actually, that was what I was worried about. Portraying him as too much of a derp.
But then, I'm also terrified about making him out to be some emo-angst bucket as well. I sort of keep the terran hate/jerk aspect to people who know him well or have gotten close (Alucard, Cesare, ect) And I'm still a big fat sissy about letting that out. Subtly is a hurdle a mile tall for me. I'll get it someday I swear D8.
About Esther, yeah he's been pretty soft with her. I'm not sure how to work it in very well though, when (other than stepping out and trying to take the Crusnik on alone) she hasn't done anything terrifically dangerous or stupid quite yet. Her killing herself wasn't something that was done of her own free will after all. Though with Dietrich, yeah.... I think maybe I could work more of that in now that she's trusting Dietrich more. He's watching them of course.
AS FOR THE HACKING. Oh God I'm just constantly worried that he'll hack in and the mun will ream me out. That's all. (of course that can be fixed with IMing them, so ffff I guess I'll remember that!)
And he's spoken with Caterina already a bit. They definitely need to spend more time together, but he's shown his professional and responsible side to her and to Integra a few times. (not quite as much with Integra, but it's happened).
In all, yeah, he could stand a little darkening up, you're right. I'll try to do better I swear ♥
OK so first off, I love what I've seen of your Abel so far. I enjoy stalking his posts and it's great when I get a chance to thread with him. You definitely have a feel for his character.
...But I would like to see you add more depth to him.
Most of Abel's posts consist of him simply being absurdly goofy/acting like an idiot. While he IS goofy, it's sometimes simply an act. He's 1,000+ years old -- you don't want him to seem completely childish, especially in a setting like Discedo. If you could bring out the other facets of his personality, it would be amazing.
Some suggestions:
* Touch upon how he used to hate Terrans
* Also: don't hesitate to have him be a bit of a jerk sometimes; he DID feel superior to Terrans at one point
* Religion: does he really believe, or is this simply a way to make up for crimes he has committed? Does he believe his soul can ever be saved?
* He has extraordinary hacking skills. Let him be nosy!
* As for Esther, it seems that he's really been coddling her -- not in a 'paying too much attention' sense, but in a 'letting her get away with things' sense. He was never a softie when it came to her (see: chapter 11, page 31)
* Now that you guys have a Caterina, explore that relationship, and bring out more of his professional/responsible side
It really all comes down to bringing out the more serious and/or darker side of him. You are, of course, free to agree or disagree with anything I've said here, but please take it into consideration.
I look forward to seeing what you do with him in the future. <3
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Actually, that was what I was worried about. Portraying him as too much of a derp.
But then, I'm also terrified about making him out to be some emo-angst bucket as well. I sort of keep the terran hate/jerk aspect to people who know him well or have gotten close (Alucard, Cesare, ect) And I'm still a big fat sissy about letting that out. Subtly is a hurdle a mile tall for me. I'll get it someday I swear D8.
About Esther, yeah he's been pretty soft with her. I'm not sure how to work it in very well though, when (other than stepping out and trying to take the Crusnik on alone) she hasn't done anything terrifically dangerous or stupid quite yet. Her killing herself wasn't something that was done of her own free will after all. Though with Dietrich, yeah.... I think maybe I could work more of that in now that she's trusting Dietrich more. He's watching them of course.
AS FOR THE HACKING. Oh God I'm just constantly worried that he'll hack in and the mun will ream me out. That's all. (of course that can be fixed with IMing them, so ffff I guess I'll remember that!)
And he's spoken with Caterina already a bit. They definitely need to spend more time together, but he's shown his professional and responsible side to her and to Integra a few times. (not quite as much with Integra, but it's happened).
In all, yeah, he could stand a little darkening up, you're right. I'll try to do better I swear ♥
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