Brigit's Flame August 2009, Week One - Of Smoke and Mirrors
"Another rejection," I said as I pulled it from the tiny metal mailbox. It was certainly fat enough. I've been writing stories for--well, let's just say that I've been writing stories since I was old enough to draw pictures. I'm into Middle Earth, Oz, and the Disc World. Oh, and don't forget Alice. I certainly shouldn't have. After years of writing
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[As a larf, I just wrote the word ‘hump’ in red pen, to see how it would look. Unfortunately it was one of those “red” pens with black ink inside. The world is so full of honest disappointments that polite deception adds insult to injury.]
I didn’t like your story at all. Stories about writers turn me off like a kick to the crotch of someone who doesn’t like being kicked in the crotch. The “opposite world” theme transforms an entire narrative into a lumbering deus ex machina robot spider, spitting sticky clichés from both ends. Neil Gaiman himself barely gets away with it.
This has no bearing on you as a writer, only me as a reader. Now that I’ve vented my bias I think it’s best not to go over your work looking for mistakes (Not many careless typos, anyway. Kudos). Instead I’ll summarize the areas that could be stronger:
What does this writer write about and why? There is nothing glamorous, or even especially novel (pun intended like a Tourette’s tick) about a struggling artist, but there can be something empathetic if said artist is more fleshed-out.
On the contrary, we don’t need to know about the personality of the friend they celebrate with unless it contributes to the plot development. The same goes for the drug that opens/reveals the mirror world. Unless there is something special or unusual about the drug, drug use as a catalyst is simply too easy unless drug use is explored more thoroughly throughout the story.
The real, and even tasty, meat of the story comes through too little with the protagonist’s attempt to write reality. Play with this because this was fun. More sensations would be good as well. I do give you thumbs up for a consistent tone, but the piece would be a lot more fun if the distinctly straightforward tone included a lot more description of the soundlessness, the texture, and the look of the mirror world.
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That said, it is difficult to take a story you don't like at all and give it a constructive criticism. You're points are well taken and I appreciate the time you took to make them.
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Go read "The World According to Garp". Or watch the movie.
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I'm going to go ahead and disagree here. I find that many of my favorite authors are excellent with the "little details" that give the writing a more real, textured feel.
Are you doing OK lately, Harlotbug?
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