(no subject)
I don't get to see my best friend very often. We live on opposite sides of the country and I have 3 kids, she has a tight work schedule and neither of us has the means to just jump on a plane whenever we want. blah blah blah--there are always reasons. I visited her 3.5 years ago and she has come to visit me once since then. It's okay but there are days that we just desperately need to see each other and on those days it hurts so much to be so far.
We have a unique connection and our relationship is one that would take forever to explain and nobody ever gets it anyway. My husband accepts it without question but probably doesn't get it. I'm quite sure many people have assumed that we were lovers as well as best friends. We weren't really. But that's another entry entirely.
Anyway, last month dh managed to work a lot of OT and I had a lot of work come in also and we realized that I could conceivably take off and visit her *alone* for a weekend. I have never been away from my kids for more than a day and I have issues with flying (control issues...again, another entry ;-)) but I was willing to push that aside for her. I should have known better than to call her and announce the possibility of a visit without concrete plans, but I was so excited.
She was thrilled and immediately began making plans and decided that I should visit her while her wife was going to be out of state for several days and she would be alone with their baby. He's only 9 months and my best friend has some medical issues that sometimes make it difficult to keep up with the physical demands of mommyhood and she was concerned that if she had some rough days while her wife was gone they'd she and the baby would both be miserable. I can understand that and would have loved to be able to help, not to mention I would love to be able to visit with *my best friend* as opposed to *my best friend with her wife*. But I never, never said that I could for certain come at this time because I didn't want her to be disappointed if it didn't work out.
The problem is that I couldn't make it work out that way. By the time the check came in and I could buy the ticket, the flight prices had doubled. The available flight times weren't going to work and the location I could fly into was a couple hours away. Then, I had a call from work requesting me to obligate a huge chunk of this same exact time to a big new coursebook project that we are working on. I can't afford to pass on an opportunity for a large project. So I knew it wasn't going to work for me to visit at this time.
My best friend called me a few days ago and she was upset and angry (not at me, just in general) because her wife had told her she would only be gone for 5 days when it is actually 7 days. Friends of theirs that lived nearby and said they would help out while the wife was away have since backed out. And to top it all off, I was not going to be able to come to visit then. She was frustrated and sad and concerned about how it would go with her son alone for such a long period.
And so of course, being the person I am, I feel guilt that I can't be there and take care of them. Selfishly, I also feel sad that we won't be able to have much time to ourselves whenever I do get to visit. Whether it is right or not, I feel angry with her wife for not being honest about the length of time she was to be away and angry that, even though she knows my best friend is worried about it, she hasn't tried to set up any assistance for her or pumped extra breastmilk for their son or apparently even considered how difficult it is going to be for my best friend to do all of this...well, I'd guess she has considered it but still...
When she called me and yelled and stormed and cried through the phone lines, I could do nothing but listen patiently and tell her I love her and I just wish I could swoop in and make it all better and I can't because I have my own family and responsibilities and she is 3,000 miles away. *sigh* I just want to be able to drive over and pick her up and snuggle over a cup of coffee and talk all night long like we could when we were in high school, you know? Sometimes being an adult sucks.
We have a unique connection and our relationship is one that would take forever to explain and nobody ever gets it anyway. My husband accepts it without question but probably doesn't get it. I'm quite sure many people have assumed that we were lovers as well as best friends. We weren't really. But that's another entry entirely.
Anyway, last month dh managed to work a lot of OT and I had a lot of work come in also and we realized that I could conceivably take off and visit her *alone* for a weekend. I have never been away from my kids for more than a day and I have issues with flying (control issues...again, another entry ;-)) but I was willing to push that aside for her. I should have known better than to call her and announce the possibility of a visit without concrete plans, but I was so excited.
She was thrilled and immediately began making plans and decided that I should visit her while her wife was going to be out of state for several days and she would be alone with their baby. He's only 9 months and my best friend has some medical issues that sometimes make it difficult to keep up with the physical demands of mommyhood and she was concerned that if she had some rough days while her wife was gone they'd she and the baby would both be miserable. I can understand that and would have loved to be able to help, not to mention I would love to be able to visit with *my best friend* as opposed to *my best friend with her wife*. But I never, never said that I could for certain come at this time because I didn't want her to be disappointed if it didn't work out.
The problem is that I couldn't make it work out that way. By the time the check came in and I could buy the ticket, the flight prices had doubled. The available flight times weren't going to work and the location I could fly into was a couple hours away. Then, I had a call from work requesting me to obligate a huge chunk of this same exact time to a big new coursebook project that we are working on. I can't afford to pass on an opportunity for a large project. So I knew it wasn't going to work for me to visit at this time.
My best friend called me a few days ago and she was upset and angry (not at me, just in general) because her wife had told her she would only be gone for 5 days when it is actually 7 days. Friends of theirs that lived nearby and said they would help out while the wife was away have since backed out. And to top it all off, I was not going to be able to come to visit then. She was frustrated and sad and concerned about how it would go with her son alone for such a long period.
And so of course, being the person I am, I feel guilt that I can't be there and take care of them. Selfishly, I also feel sad that we won't be able to have much time to ourselves whenever I do get to visit. Whether it is right or not, I feel angry with her wife for not being honest about the length of time she was to be away and angry that, even though she knows my best friend is worried about it, she hasn't tried to set up any assistance for her or pumped extra breastmilk for their son or apparently even considered how difficult it is going to be for my best friend to do all of this...well, I'd guess she has considered it but still...
When she called me and yelled and stormed and cried through the phone lines, I could do nothing but listen patiently and tell her I love her and I just wish I could swoop in and make it all better and I can't because I have my own family and responsibilities and she is 3,000 miles away. *sigh* I just want to be able to drive over and pick her up and snuggle over a cup of coffee and talk all night long like we could when we were in high school, you know? Sometimes being an adult sucks.