The more you talk the less I hear

[1337_hax0r]

I dont even know where to begin with this, my heads swimming with so many different thoughts and my hearts filled with tons of hate. If none of you read this, all the better, I'll probably regret it later anyway. Oh well, time to lift stuff off my chest. I HATE, -HATE- HATE this Greg kid, almost to the point where I wish extremely ill things on him, I know that sounds horrible but I really do, for the past 2 days I've been trapped in this mix of extreme rage/anger and dissapointment. I voice my anger and opinions to her but she doesnt seem to care about it, I know she probably does but I just wish she would do something about it, by now its probably too late but oh well, this isnt the first time I've expressed it, so its not all my fault. I mean, I definately dont want her to get rid of her friends but to be alone with the kid? that kid that liked her this whole time? the kid that probably still does? no, thats not right, I'm sorry if I'm controlling or whatever but it just really really bothers me that she would spend time with him alone when she knows how much distaste I have for him.I know shes leaving, and I know she needs to spend time with her friends and I KNOW i'm being selfish/controlling but she's my world and I tend to care about things I have great care for (like most people) and to just totally flat out be with him like that puts nothing but worry/anger into me...why him? just..why..of all people why does HE have to be there? I honestly have no clue how I'd react to meeting him. I'll admit...music is helping but this wont be leaving my thoughts for sometime. I'm not going to school tomorrow, it makes me almost sick at the thought of having to stomach the staff/students there anymore. Oh well, I guess I'm done this whole situation makes me depressed and just pull the trigger (Oh my god most emo thing ever, no i dont mean I want to commit suicide it just makes me feel like slamming my head into something to make it all end) in short. I'm sick of it, and my heart hurts. I love her to death, I just wish she knew how much he makes me hurt.

Love, The Overcontrolling/jealous/goodfornothing/bitter/unworthy/loving/caring boyfriend.