思い出 ||{omoide.:.Memories}||
Title: 思い出 ||{omoide.:.Memories}||
Genre: Angst, Romance
Main Pairing: Ruki x Reita
Rating: R
Warning: D.A.R.E people, Don't do drugs. (And don't cheat either)
Disclaimer: Mommy said pets don't include sexy men with kitty-ears on...
Summary: It seemed fate had turned its cold, cold shoulder on the small man, distressed in the bathroom, who was barely holding onto his life. Instead, he let it slip through his fingers like melancholy grains of black sand.
.archive.
Tears streamed down cheeks that grew fuller with one pill, two, three… More and more were added until his mouth could hold no more and his body tried to throw up what had not yet been swallowed. All in vain, all in vain to forget, to completely erase everything… Just everything…
A voice that once sang out in beautiful harmony with music played could now only release a gurgled groan as water dripped down the sides of lips, down a chin, and down a throat that swallowed those pills. Those pills that should erase it all…
All of his burning memories of him; those memories he was once fond of and enjoyed remembering before he went to bed every night with him beside him keeping the smaller warm as they slept. But it is now those memories that haunt his very soul, bringing a darker shade of black to surround his heart day by day until he felt as if his heart were to be torn from his chest, he would feel no pain. The numbing pain of remembering…
Fawn eyes that gave him loving looks showing the desire to protect and pamper, never once looking towards anyone other than him in that way, or so he thought.
Gods he wished he could turn back time to stop himself from leaving work that day early, or change meeting him in the first place, then maybe he wouldn’t be in this predicament. Either way, he was getting out, out of this dilemma he had found himself in by simply coming home two short hours early from work, to spend the glorious day lovers had all to each other with his beloved.
Never had he wanted to find himself, face to face with the one thing most couples dreaded. He never wanted to walk into that apartment the two once shared, in one hands keys and the other reservation tickets to his favorite restaurant, to turn left, into the living room, walk straight and two doors down the left to find that. He never wanted that cheerful smile on his face to be washed away so quickly as he opened the door to him and someone else on their bed.
The worn out man wiped the dripping water from his face then, and rested his palms on the edge of the counter. Tired eyes met dirty tired eyes as the mirror reflected more than he knew. Looking at himself for possibly the last time, his mind let the true world around him dance with stars as he could only remember the first night they met. Drunk off their asses and high off of lust, they didn’t even try for the bedroom. Instead of the second door to the left, they made the first right.
Maybe a drunken fuck-started relationship wasn’t the way to go, but it lasted a good three years of his life. Sex on the bathroom counter resulted in a shower that turned into another quick fuck. But that morning, when he awoke in bed, there was another presence beside him. The presence of a man who was wide awake, already had found the pain killers for the headache that was already forming in his head and set them out on the nightstand. He didn’t leave.
That was just the first night of many more to come, slowly changing from fucks to dinners and dates, and then even love making. At least, that is what they were to him. But in his eyes, his mind, what were they? Had this been the first time…? No… Second? No… Not even a third, judging by the way they both looked at each other. They way they used to look at each other before that night. That cruel dark night that sealed their fates as lovers, friends, even as humans.
It seemed fate had turned its cold, cold shoulder on the small man, distressed in the bathroom, who was barely holding onto his life. Instead, he let it slip through his fingers like melancholy grains of black sand. And by now, after throwing a porcelain cup meant to hold tooth brushes at the mirror, the shaking man used his cut palm, his own blood, to cover the shards of mirror that reflected him, and what he had done.
His heart had long ago sped up, increasing and increasing without the thought to stop, obeying the many pills swallowed, his heart increased. As he coward down on the floor, letting his bloody hands cover his tear stained face, he never once regretted loving him. Oh, how he wished he could. How he wished he could hate him for what he did. But he couldn’t. There was nothing in the world that could possibly overcome his love, even now, as he slumped against the counter unable to hold himself up any longer, he just wished for more time to see his face, just once more.
And as if a last prayer heard from the gods above, he heard his front door being slammed in. Long ago he had stopped answering his phone. Hours… Days… Maybe even a few weeks. The last meal he had, he simply couldn’t recall. The only thing he could think of was him, even through all the pain, it was him.
His name; was that what was being shouted? The pounding of the door, slurred with his name, is that what the noise was? He couldn’t tell. His ears were far too cloudy as his vision was nothing but blurs. His pulse, although beating erratically in his veins, started to numb his body differently from what numbness had been taking over him the past weeks.
A loud crash made his eyes open, from when they had closed he couldn’t recollect, but the blurry sight before him pained him in many ways. He was angry, hurt, fearful, but at the same time he couldn’t stop the caring and love he had for this man to show in one simple, small, painful smile. With all the strength he could muster, he smiled as his limp body was brought into shaking and tense arms. He could feel the shaking warm breath of his once beloved against his neck, as well as the wet trail of tears, as he was pressed close.
He spoke words that the small could not hear. His heart was finally coming down from its high as those blurry eyes slowly started to close. Everything started to fade. The numbness of his own body now doing its last deed. The clouded hearing that just couldn’t make sense of any words spoken, cried, and screamed. And then the fading vision, not once being able to see those fawn eyes again. Surely his prayer was answered, maybe it wasn’t, but it was enough.
Of course he wanted to see him once more, but to know he was here, to know he was holding him, it was enough. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take the stunned, shocked, and disappointed face of his once beloved when he saw him in that state. The shame he knew he should feel, it just wasn’t there, even as his heart continued to beat in his ribcage, pounding harshly and slowly, trying to hold on. Bump, bump. Bump, bump. Bump, bump. Not even the numbness as his eyelids closed as a stray crystal tear strolled down the side of his pale, cold face. Bump, bump…
Bump, bump…
Bump, bump…
Bump… bump…
…bump…
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A/N: Happy late Valentines day everyone! lol... Took me all day (though chores, driving, ect ect) to write this... Obviously I didn't have the best v-day ever, but I never have. Comments are loved, I hope you guys enjoy! It was actually pretty hard to write... Let alone come up with a title when it was done. And sorry if some things are confusing, I've been reading non-stop Edgar Allen Poe stuff for the past week XD
--ルーチャン--