Some entertainment...
Recently, I was friended by a spambot, and they seem to be posting quite a story here. I'm going to keep on copying and pasting the story as it is written. True, it is very poorly done, but I think it will give readers a good laugh. I am not friendslocking this entry, on purpose, in order for people to read the story. You never know, this could be the next twilight or something...
I believe this is a picture of Masha, but I could be wrong.
When all hope is drained, we lose the whole purpose and meaning of life. That’s what happened with Masha. Peter undervalued her efforts and for Masha things came to an end. She was devastated. She woke up one morning and tried to eat her usual breakfast but she couldn’t do it, unable to stand the sight of food. She entered a terrible period in her life, a time when you realize there is nothing you can do, there is nothing to wait for, and the person who means a lot to you will no longer be by your side.
It seems as if there is no way to escape the present situation that unfolds itself. In these hard times a person feels lost and hopeless, losing interest in everything. Even the most beautiful girls stop looking after their appearance during this time. They just don’t care how they look. None of it matters to them anymore. Masha found herself going through this. She didn’t want to eat, or drink. Changes in her appearance no longer brought her happiness. They didn’t benefit her in any way.
That morning it seemed as though the earth beneath me was no longer there. I didn’t desire anything. All I wanted was to remain in bed, alone to the company of my own worries and tears. I called into work and tried once more to take the day off, but heard my manager’s sharp voice ordering me to come to work at once. I had no choice, so off to work I went. For the first time in my life I had no interest in how I looked or what I wore. Upon entering the office I was met with sympathetic looks from my coworkers, and a stern look from my boss.
There was nothing I could do, so I started working. For some reason I couldn’t concentrate on the tasks at hand. No thoughts roamed inside my head but those of Peter. I sat there until lunch time trying to finish one draft, when unexpectedly I was informed that the boss was waiting for me in his office. When I entered the room I had to listen to him lecture about how I started skipping work on a frequent basis, how I was being very unproductive, how my thoughts were elsewhere, and how if my behavior didn’t change it would all end with me being fired.
Despite the stern statements and the threats of being let go, I spent the rest of the day doing nothing but being lost in my own thoughts. It was getting gloomy outside and with every passing minute I was feeling worse and worse. Finally the torturous work day came to an end and it was time to head home.
As soon as I left work, it started pouring outside. To make things even worse I had no umbrella on me. The only thing left to do was run for the subway. It was getting late out, and the weather was anything but pleasant, so hardly anyone was out and about. On my way to the subway I noticed a 35-year-old guy, and instantly an unsettling thought that he is going to approach me crept into my mind. That is exactly what happened. When he neared me, I noticed his lustful stare hungrily devouring every inch of my body. Not paying any attention to the disgust that painted my face this weirdo started talking to me. My deafening silence didn’t stir him one bit or scare him away, and he started making obscene offerings.
At that moment I had the strong desire to shove the heel of my shoe into his manly treasure, but I held back my emotions and fled the subway to the outside world. The rain continued to pour and intensify with each passing minute but I didn’t care anymore. I ran without looking back trying to leave my problems behind me. In the process I suddenly stumbled and twisted my foot. Feeling as if I was losing my balance, I fell with a thud into the biggest puddle around. Getting up, I realized with horror, that I broke the heel of my shoe. Tears started to trickle down my face, and there was only one thought in my head right then: “Why does all the trouble, all the bad luck fall upon me so soon? What have I done in this life that was so bad to deserve this? I just don’t understand…”
Somehow I managed to get myself home, and when I did, I fell on top of my bed in exhaustion. I didn’t even bother to lock the door behind me. I just didn’t care about it then. This was the last thing on my mind…
Masha lay on her bed and thought about all that had occurred earlier. She understood that she needed to talk to someone right away, someone with whom she could share what she’s been through, otherwise she would end up losing her mind. Andrew and her friend Lena were the only people whom she trusted now with everything on her mind, with all that bothered or worried her. In the past though, the closest person to her was Peter. It was only with him that she shared her most inner secrets, things that no one else would know.
Reluctantly rising from her bed, Masha found the telephone and dialed the number, but it was all in vain. Unable to get through on the first try, she attempted to dial the number a few more times, but in the end realized that her calling card had run out of money. This was another thing to add to her list unfortunate events. Masha had no way to make the phone call. She was completely beaten down, devoid of any strength to battle with all the unfairness. There was no way to resolve this mess. There was nothing she could do. The solution had come on its own.
After all that happened to me I decided to end it because I couldn’t stand my life anymore, a life that had become meaningless. Now my goal was to find a way to do it. There were many ways to go about it, but I wanted to find one that didn’t involve any kind of suffering. I had been through a lot as it was in the last few months, and didn’t want any more suffering to fall upon me.
My first option was to jump out of the window. I even pictured this scenario in my head but it didn’t seem to work. In my mind I saw a crowd gathered near me as I jumped, but in the end I remained alive because the height from the window to the ground was just too low.
My last option was handicap, but with that the meaningless life still goes on, except that now it becomes even more unbearable, and there is a lot more ongoing suffering to go around.
I thought some more and came up with another solution, a solution that a lot of people out there do these days, and that was to cut my veins. It seemed like a very good choice, but the thing is that it still involves the unwanted suffering. You cut yourself, bring yourself pain, and understanding that very soon it will all be over, wait for all the blood to run out of your body and take your life. Then at the last minute you change your mind and call the ambulance; someone will come to your rescue and stitch you all up, make you all better. No! I don’t want this kind of death. I need something that is pain-free, something that doesn’t cause me any kind of suffering. The best way to do this is to just overdose on pills.
Okay, I’ve found a solution. I just need to overdose on some pills. I will peacefully fall asleep, never opening my eyes, never seeing the light or the injustice that surrounds me.
In a hurry, the girl set out to get her plan into action. She paced back and forth inside her apartment in search of a medical directory. It is there she wanted to find the answer on which pills were best to take. Unfortunately, no directory was ever found.
Since that didn’t work, Masha started to take out all the pills she had in the house. There were many of them lying around. Amongst them were those for stomach problems and those for headaches. Not sure of which pills were best to take, she started to remove the wrappers from all the packages. Then taking each pill one at a time she only thought about what would happen to her after death fell upon her. She thought about how everyone would take her disappearance from this world, how they would worry and grieve… Most of all she thought about how Peter would react to all this. Feeding herself with a good dosage of pills, she decided to get comfortable in her armchair and wait for the effects of what she had done to finally kick in.
Feeling tired and empty, Masha sat down on the armchair next to the window… At that moment she felt inner peace, and for the first time in the last few days was able to look at the world around her with a sober mind. Soon I will find myself in a place very far from here, a place where my parents roam, and that will be best for all of us. This was the thought that filled her head at the moment. Masha was surprised at how resolute she sounded just then. The girl drifted back down memory lane. She thought about her childhood, her mother’s warm hands, and her dad’s voice; she thought about how she loved to watch her mom cook while her dad would read the paper. They had a small cozy house, which was filled with real warmth. Here love and peace reigned, and this was her true home. At that time her little brother Stas celebrated his first birthday. Their family seemed like a model family…
Masha could barely remember the accident that took place in the years of her youth. She only regained consciousness at the hospital. That day they decided to visit her grandmother living in the nearby city. Her father was at the wheel. Stas took dad’s attention away from the road for a mere second. That was all it took for him not to see an incoming car in front of him and cause the accident. The breaks didn’t help. Everyone in the car felt a strong push, and then everything around them went dark.
For a while Masha’s grandma didn’t tell her what happened. She thought that Masha wouldn’t be able to handle it and would die right there in the hospital bed. After a very severe surgery, Masha was able to stand on her own feet. She visited the graves of her three close loved ones every half a year and made sure that the graves were taken care of and maintained. Masha then sold her parents’ house and moved to a small cozy apartment.
These memories raced through Masha’s head like a film reel. Shaking her head, she tried to get up from the armchair so she could lie down on the couch. Suddenly her legs trembled and sent her back to the armchair. Her head started spinning and her body began to grow weak.
After all that happened to me I decided to end it because I couldn’t stand my life anymore, a life that had become meaningless. Now my goal was to find a way to do it. There were many ways to go about it, but I wanted to find one that didn’t involve any kind of suffering. I had been through a lot as it was in the last few months, and didn’t want any more suffering to fall upon me.
My first option was to jump out of the window. I even pictured this scenario in my head but it didn’t seem to work. In my mind I saw a crowd gathered near me as I jumped, but in the end I remained alive because the height from the window to the ground was just too low.
My last option was handicap, but with that the meaningless life still goes on, except that now it becomes even more unbearable, and there is a lot more ongoing suffering to go around.
I thought some more and came up with another solution, a solution that a lot of people out there do these days, and that was to cut my veins. It seemed like a very good choice, but the thing is that it still involves the unwanted suffering. You cut yourself, bring yourself pain, and understanding that very soon it will all be over, wait for all the blood to run out of your body and take your life. Then at the last minute you change your mind and call the ambulance; someone will come to your rescue and stitch you all up, make you all better. No! I don’t want this kind of death. I need something that is pain-free, something that doesn’t cause me any kind of suffering. The best way to do this is to just overdose on pills.
The thought of well that’s it passed through my head, but this didn’t scare me one bit. It actually calmed me down. I was even surprised by the apathy that entangled my conscience.
All will be well now. Soon I will fall asleep and reunite with my parents... It was getting harder and harder to think. How could you Peter? How could you act this way? I loved you so much, wanted everything to be great between us, but you had to go and ruthlessly ruin everything and put things to an end. You don’t have to worry because once I get there I will be alright, and you will be alright too. I will not disturb you any longer or bother you with my phone calls and such.
With every minute I started feeling worse and worse. Extreme nausea swept over me and I was suddenly enveloped by a strong fear - fear of death.
Patience broke like a string on a guitar. Masha couldn’t take it anymore and decided to do something that not every person would go for, and that was to end her life.
When a person loses all purpose and meaning of life -and for a young girl that actually revolves around a guy she truly loves -the worst of thoughts enter her head, and the worst of actions occur. The person doesn’t want to think about anyone, doesn’t want to do anything, and all because the person feels sorry only for herself.
In this case, Masha wasn’t the exception and fell right into this trap. She really loved Peter and tried everything possible to bring him back. She even changed for him, but all that was for nothing. The girl saw no other way out from the current situation, and didn’t want to accept all that had happened to her.
Life without love is not a real life. When you lose someone you love with all your heart, it seems that you will never be happy, that you will never love anyone else. The only solution is to end it all, to stop accepting all this unfairness, but the only way to do this is to take your life.
Five minutes passed and Masha was taken over by dreadful vomiting. Her head was still spinning, but now she started to experience a terrible headache. Everything was burning inside her, and her heart was pounding. It became hard for Masha to breathe. She didn’t know what to do, and prayed to God to relieve her from all the suffering and pain as fast as possible. The time kept on ticking but no miracle happened. She started feeling worse and worse. It seemed like she would lose consciousness any minute now. Losing track of time Masha didn’t know how much time had actually passed. She had no idea at the time that she would have to spend a full evening between life and death…
Andrew was standing at the street corner trying to hail a taxi. He was feeling a bit nervous. Olga called him five times already asking him on his whereabouts and why he still hadn’t showed. He still had flowers to buy. Andrew knew very well that Olga loved roses and wanted to get her a fresh bouquet before meeting up with her.
Being unable to hail a taxi, Andrew took out his cell phone and hailed a cab that way. The car came within 10 minutes. He stopped by the store, got Olga a bouquet of beautiful white roses, and headed for the restaurant, the one he was supposed to meet Olga at about six hours ago.
This date was not romantic. For Andrew it was more of an obligation than something he really looked forward to. The same could be said of the relationship between him and Olga. A few times a month they went out playing the role of a couple and telling each other about each other’s problems.
Suddenly his thoughts returned to Masha and what had happened in the past few days. Remembering her hollow stare and how she told him that life had come to an end, he realized that he should be with her at the moment. How is she now? I hope she won’t do anything stupid! These thoughts didn’t want to leave his head. Even the ride to the restaurant didn’t seem to take that long. The restaurant where Olga awaited him was already coming into view, its blinking lights beckoning him to enter and sit in its quiet cozy hall.
The cell phone, which lay in his pocket, started to ring… Maybe it’s Masha thought Andrew. Looking at the phone to see who was calling he noticed Olga’s glowing picture on the display letting him know that her patience was wearing thin. Glancing at the screen Andrew decided that the last thing he wanted to do right then was see Olga.
“Are you toying with me?” yelled Olga, “How long am I supposed to wait for you?”
“I am not coming,” whispered Andrew into the phone.
“Are you crazy?” asked Olga, but Andrew had already hung up the phone.
He knew that later they would make up anyway. She would get over it easily enough. Telling the cab driver to turn back, Andrew was on his way home.
Masha didn’t know how much time had actually passed. To her it seemed like a whole eternity. In reality it was only three hours. Little by little Masha started to regain consciousness, and realized that her suicide attempt was unsuccessful. This made her fill with happiness.
She was still feeling very nauseous, but she no longer vomited. Maybe there’s no more food left in my stomach thought Masha and tried to get up. Her legs were shaking but she still managed to take a few steps to get to the phone near the wall. Doing this took away any strength Masha had in her and she collapsed on the couch. Laying her head down on the pillow Masha gave out a sigh.
With every passing minute, the strength drained out of her bit by bit. She had to do something about it, but didn’t know what she could do. She didn’t feel like calling Andrew, but there was also no way she would call an ambulance. They will just take me away to the nut house thought Masha and placed the phone on the floor next to the bed.
As soon as Andrew got home, he filled the tub with water, slipped in, and relaxed… Thoughts of Masha and her well being still didn’t leave his mind. Almost an entire day had passed but she still hadn’t called him. With each passing minute his worry for the girl became stronger and stronger, and even the warm water didn’t help to relax him. Just thinking about what Masha could have done to herself left him terrified. I have to be by her side now thought Andrew and went to his room to change.
“Where are you going son?” asked his mom.
“I am going for a walk with Masha,” lied Andrew without looking at his mom and hurried into his room. Quickly getting dressed, Andrew flew out of his apartment like a speeding bullet and set out to get to Masha. His growing worry and thoughts of something bad happening to her roamed inside him.
Getting to the needed floor of such a familiar building Andrew stopped in his tracks. Confusion filled his mind as he noticed that the door to Masha’s apartment was open. Thinking the worst of thoughts, he pushed the door and it opened with ease. Darkness filled the apartment. Walking inside Andrew started calling out to Masha but there was no answer. Checking every room, he noticed Masha in her bedroom lying still and devoid of any feelings. Her face was pale like that of a dead man. On the coffee table Andrew noticed a load of different pills mixed into a big pile.
Understanding what was going on, he tried to get a reaction from Masha by lightly slapping her face, but Masha gave no sign of life. Checking her pulse, Andrew confirmed with happiness that she was alive. He went to the kitchen, filled a cup with ice-cold water, and splashed it on Masha’s face. The girl slowly but slightly opened her eyes. It was evident that even doing such a simple task was hard for Masha to master.
“It’s okay,” said Andrew in a soothing voice, “We’re going to wash out your stomach and you’ll feel better right away!” The whole procedure was long and unpleasant, but eventually it came to an end. What did you do, you silly girl? thought Andrew as he put Masha to bed and wrapped a blanket around her body with much care.
Lying in bed I burst into tears. It was only then that I realized what danger my life was in. Andrew was sitting next to me trying to calm me down. His face looked calm, but his eyes were filled with fear and pain. At that moment his entire being seemed so native, so close.
“You saved my life,” I said all teary-eyed.
“Stop it. Every decent guy would do the same if he were in my shoes right now,” said Andrew with worry in his voice.
Calming down Masha asked, “Hmmm… How did you guess that I needed help?”
“It was this gut feeling I had. You know, I wanted to tell you a long time ago but couldn’t bring myself to do it. For a while now you are more than just a friend to me. You…you…you are the most awesome girl on this planet and I love you!”
Being overcome with sleepiness Masha could not make out Andrew’s words. Andrew himself didn’t expect such a confession to come out of him. He looked at Masha with much hope, but she had already fallen asleep. He gently kissed Masha’s hair and thought to himself: Sleep my love. We will talk tomorrow. Andrew spent the entire night by Masha’s side not even realizing that he did. Being next to her brought him endless pleasure.
Masha had a wide smile on her face as she slept. She dreamt a fairytale dream, where she was walking through a magic meadow with her family. Her brother Stas, already grown up, was running beside her collecting flowers to make her and mom some beautiful wreaths. Her parents were walking behind, admiring their kids. Her dream was so beautiful and everything felt so good. She hadn’t felt like this in a very long time.
Morning rolled around and Masha woke up feeling awful. Her eyes were swollen from the heavy crying, her head was throbbing, her body was aching, and she didn’t want to see or hear anything. Andrew was there beside her. He spent the entire night at Masha’s side, admiring her and guarding her as she slept. The young man brought her breakfast and tried to force her to eat, but she refused to put any food into her body because the mere sight of it made her feel even worse. He tried to put some sense into her, explaining that doing this would not get her anywhere, and that she had already made so many mistakes.
You have to start life over, like a new page in a book, and stop thinking about bad things, about the past. Masha didn’t want to hear anything and was angry at Andrew for the fact that he didn’t seem to understand a thing. How can a person be so silly and so persistent? Their squabble ended up turning into an argument; Masha was proving her love for Peter, while Andrew was trying to make her see that life was not over yet and that all will be well.
Andrew understood that debating with me was useless and left, slamming the door behind him. After he left, I didn’t feel any better because I started to feel guilty that I hurt the person who had no hard feelings and was just trying to help. Am I really such a bad person after all, that I cause people nothing but trouble and pain, that I tortured Peter, and that I just got into an argument with Andrew?
I was so out of it from all that had happened that my legs were shaking and my head kept throbbing. In order to get myself together, I went over to my bar and found what little alcohol was left there from my last visit. Comfortably settling into the armchair, I started drinking straight from the bottle, forgetting about everything. I started to feel better with every sip that I took. My thoughts started to vanish, and the physical and spiritual pain began to subside little by little. I sat there and kept on drinking until all the alcohol ran out.
Last updated: 2-27
I believe this is a picture of Masha, but I could be wrong.
When all hope is drained, we lose the whole purpose and meaning of life. That’s what happened with Masha. Peter undervalued her efforts and for Masha things came to an end. She was devastated. She woke up one morning and tried to eat her usual breakfast but she couldn’t do it, unable to stand the sight of food. She entered a terrible period in her life, a time when you realize there is nothing you can do, there is nothing to wait for, and the person who means a lot to you will no longer be by your side.
It seems as if there is no way to escape the present situation that unfolds itself. In these hard times a person feels lost and hopeless, losing interest in everything. Even the most beautiful girls stop looking after their appearance during this time. They just don’t care how they look. None of it matters to them anymore. Masha found herself going through this. She didn’t want to eat, or drink. Changes in her appearance no longer brought her happiness. They didn’t benefit her in any way.
That morning it seemed as though the earth beneath me was no longer there. I didn’t desire anything. All I wanted was to remain in bed, alone to the company of my own worries and tears. I called into work and tried once more to take the day off, but heard my manager’s sharp voice ordering me to come to work at once. I had no choice, so off to work I went. For the first time in my life I had no interest in how I looked or what I wore. Upon entering the office I was met with sympathetic looks from my coworkers, and a stern look from my boss.
There was nothing I could do, so I started working. For some reason I couldn’t concentrate on the tasks at hand. No thoughts roamed inside my head but those of Peter. I sat there until lunch time trying to finish one draft, when unexpectedly I was informed that the boss was waiting for me in his office. When I entered the room I had to listen to him lecture about how I started skipping work on a frequent basis, how I was being very unproductive, how my thoughts were elsewhere, and how if my behavior didn’t change it would all end with me being fired.
Despite the stern statements and the threats of being let go, I spent the rest of the day doing nothing but being lost in my own thoughts. It was getting gloomy outside and with every passing minute I was feeling worse and worse. Finally the torturous work day came to an end and it was time to head home.
As soon as I left work, it started pouring outside. To make things even worse I had no umbrella on me. The only thing left to do was run for the subway. It was getting late out, and the weather was anything but pleasant, so hardly anyone was out and about. On my way to the subway I noticed a 35-year-old guy, and instantly an unsettling thought that he is going to approach me crept into my mind. That is exactly what happened. When he neared me, I noticed his lustful stare hungrily devouring every inch of my body. Not paying any attention to the disgust that painted my face this weirdo started talking to me. My deafening silence didn’t stir him one bit or scare him away, and he started making obscene offerings.
At that moment I had the strong desire to shove the heel of my shoe into his manly treasure, but I held back my emotions and fled the subway to the outside world. The rain continued to pour and intensify with each passing minute but I didn’t care anymore. I ran without looking back trying to leave my problems behind me. In the process I suddenly stumbled and twisted my foot. Feeling as if I was losing my balance, I fell with a thud into the biggest puddle around. Getting up, I realized with horror, that I broke the heel of my shoe. Tears started to trickle down my face, and there was only one thought in my head right then: “Why does all the trouble, all the bad luck fall upon me so soon? What have I done in this life that was so bad to deserve this? I just don’t understand…”
Somehow I managed to get myself home, and when I did, I fell on top of my bed in exhaustion. I didn’t even bother to lock the door behind me. I just didn’t care about it then. This was the last thing on my mind…
Masha lay on her bed and thought about all that had occurred earlier. She understood that she needed to talk to someone right away, someone with whom she could share what she’s been through, otherwise she would end up losing her mind. Andrew and her friend Lena were the only people whom she trusted now with everything on her mind, with all that bothered or worried her. In the past though, the closest person to her was Peter. It was only with him that she shared her most inner secrets, things that no one else would know.
Reluctantly rising from her bed, Masha found the telephone and dialed the number, but it was all in vain. Unable to get through on the first try, she attempted to dial the number a few more times, but in the end realized that her calling card had run out of money. This was another thing to add to her list unfortunate events. Masha had no way to make the phone call. She was completely beaten down, devoid of any strength to battle with all the unfairness. There was no way to resolve this mess. There was nothing she could do. The solution had come on its own.
After all that happened to me I decided to end it because I couldn’t stand my life anymore, a life that had become meaningless. Now my goal was to find a way to do it. There were many ways to go about it, but I wanted to find one that didn’t involve any kind of suffering. I had been through a lot as it was in the last few months, and didn’t want any more suffering to fall upon me.
My first option was to jump out of the window. I even pictured this scenario in my head but it didn’t seem to work. In my mind I saw a crowd gathered near me as I jumped, but in the end I remained alive because the height from the window to the ground was just too low.
My last option was handicap, but with that the meaningless life still goes on, except that now it becomes even more unbearable, and there is a lot more ongoing suffering to go around.
I thought some more and came up with another solution, a solution that a lot of people out there do these days, and that was to cut my veins. It seemed like a very good choice, but the thing is that it still involves the unwanted suffering. You cut yourself, bring yourself pain, and understanding that very soon it will all be over, wait for all the blood to run out of your body and take your life. Then at the last minute you change your mind and call the ambulance; someone will come to your rescue and stitch you all up, make you all better. No! I don’t want this kind of death. I need something that is pain-free, something that doesn’t cause me any kind of suffering. The best way to do this is to just overdose on pills.
Okay, I’ve found a solution. I just need to overdose on some pills. I will peacefully fall asleep, never opening my eyes, never seeing the light or the injustice that surrounds me.
In a hurry, the girl set out to get her plan into action. She paced back and forth inside her apartment in search of a medical directory. It is there she wanted to find the answer on which pills were best to take. Unfortunately, no directory was ever found.
Since that didn’t work, Masha started to take out all the pills she had in the house. There were many of them lying around. Amongst them were those for stomach problems and those for headaches. Not sure of which pills were best to take, she started to remove the wrappers from all the packages. Then taking each pill one at a time she only thought about what would happen to her after death fell upon her. She thought about how everyone would take her disappearance from this world, how they would worry and grieve… Most of all she thought about how Peter would react to all this. Feeding herself with a good dosage of pills, she decided to get comfortable in her armchair and wait for the effects of what she had done to finally kick in.
Feeling tired and empty, Masha sat down on the armchair next to the window… At that moment she felt inner peace, and for the first time in the last few days was able to look at the world around her with a sober mind. Soon I will find myself in a place very far from here, a place where my parents roam, and that will be best for all of us. This was the thought that filled her head at the moment. Masha was surprised at how resolute she sounded just then. The girl drifted back down memory lane. She thought about her childhood, her mother’s warm hands, and her dad’s voice; she thought about how she loved to watch her mom cook while her dad would read the paper. They had a small cozy house, which was filled with real warmth. Here love and peace reigned, and this was her true home. At that time her little brother Stas celebrated his first birthday. Their family seemed like a model family…
Masha could barely remember the accident that took place in the years of her youth. She only regained consciousness at the hospital. That day they decided to visit her grandmother living in the nearby city. Her father was at the wheel. Stas took dad’s attention away from the road for a mere second. That was all it took for him not to see an incoming car in front of him and cause the accident. The breaks didn’t help. Everyone in the car felt a strong push, and then everything around them went dark.
For a while Masha’s grandma didn’t tell her what happened. She thought that Masha wouldn’t be able to handle it and would die right there in the hospital bed. After a very severe surgery, Masha was able to stand on her own feet. She visited the graves of her three close loved ones every half a year and made sure that the graves were taken care of and maintained. Masha then sold her parents’ house and moved to a small cozy apartment.
These memories raced through Masha’s head like a film reel. Shaking her head, she tried to get up from the armchair so she could lie down on the couch. Suddenly her legs trembled and sent her back to the armchair. Her head started spinning and her body began to grow weak.
After all that happened to me I decided to end it because I couldn’t stand my life anymore, a life that had become meaningless. Now my goal was to find a way to do it. There were many ways to go about it, but I wanted to find one that didn’t involve any kind of suffering. I had been through a lot as it was in the last few months, and didn’t want any more suffering to fall upon me.
My first option was to jump out of the window. I even pictured this scenario in my head but it didn’t seem to work. In my mind I saw a crowd gathered near me as I jumped, but in the end I remained alive because the height from the window to the ground was just too low.
My last option was handicap, but with that the meaningless life still goes on, except that now it becomes even more unbearable, and there is a lot more ongoing suffering to go around.
I thought some more and came up with another solution, a solution that a lot of people out there do these days, and that was to cut my veins. It seemed like a very good choice, but the thing is that it still involves the unwanted suffering. You cut yourself, bring yourself pain, and understanding that very soon it will all be over, wait for all the blood to run out of your body and take your life. Then at the last minute you change your mind and call the ambulance; someone will come to your rescue and stitch you all up, make you all better. No! I don’t want this kind of death. I need something that is pain-free, something that doesn’t cause me any kind of suffering. The best way to do this is to just overdose on pills.
The thought of well that’s it passed through my head, but this didn’t scare me one bit. It actually calmed me down. I was even surprised by the apathy that entangled my conscience.
All will be well now. Soon I will fall asleep and reunite with my parents... It was getting harder and harder to think. How could you Peter? How could you act this way? I loved you so much, wanted everything to be great between us, but you had to go and ruthlessly ruin everything and put things to an end. You don’t have to worry because once I get there I will be alright, and you will be alright too. I will not disturb you any longer or bother you with my phone calls and such.
With every minute I started feeling worse and worse. Extreme nausea swept over me and I was suddenly enveloped by a strong fear - fear of death.
Patience broke like a string on a guitar. Masha couldn’t take it anymore and decided to do something that not every person would go for, and that was to end her life.
When a person loses all purpose and meaning of life -and for a young girl that actually revolves around a guy she truly loves -the worst of thoughts enter her head, and the worst of actions occur. The person doesn’t want to think about anyone, doesn’t want to do anything, and all because the person feels sorry only for herself.
In this case, Masha wasn’t the exception and fell right into this trap. She really loved Peter and tried everything possible to bring him back. She even changed for him, but all that was for nothing. The girl saw no other way out from the current situation, and didn’t want to accept all that had happened to her.
Life without love is not a real life. When you lose someone you love with all your heart, it seems that you will never be happy, that you will never love anyone else. The only solution is to end it all, to stop accepting all this unfairness, but the only way to do this is to take your life.
Five minutes passed and Masha was taken over by dreadful vomiting. Her head was still spinning, but now she started to experience a terrible headache. Everything was burning inside her, and her heart was pounding. It became hard for Masha to breathe. She didn’t know what to do, and prayed to God to relieve her from all the suffering and pain as fast as possible. The time kept on ticking but no miracle happened. She started feeling worse and worse. It seemed like she would lose consciousness any minute now. Losing track of time Masha didn’t know how much time had actually passed. She had no idea at the time that she would have to spend a full evening between life and death…
Andrew was standing at the street corner trying to hail a taxi. He was feeling a bit nervous. Olga called him five times already asking him on his whereabouts and why he still hadn’t showed. He still had flowers to buy. Andrew knew very well that Olga loved roses and wanted to get her a fresh bouquet before meeting up with her.
Being unable to hail a taxi, Andrew took out his cell phone and hailed a cab that way. The car came within 10 minutes. He stopped by the store, got Olga a bouquet of beautiful white roses, and headed for the restaurant, the one he was supposed to meet Olga at about six hours ago.
This date was not romantic. For Andrew it was more of an obligation than something he really looked forward to. The same could be said of the relationship between him and Olga. A few times a month they went out playing the role of a couple and telling each other about each other’s problems.
Suddenly his thoughts returned to Masha and what had happened in the past few days. Remembering her hollow stare and how she told him that life had come to an end, he realized that he should be with her at the moment. How is she now? I hope she won’t do anything stupid! These thoughts didn’t want to leave his head. Even the ride to the restaurant didn’t seem to take that long. The restaurant where Olga awaited him was already coming into view, its blinking lights beckoning him to enter and sit in its quiet cozy hall.
The cell phone, which lay in his pocket, started to ring… Maybe it’s Masha thought Andrew. Looking at the phone to see who was calling he noticed Olga’s glowing picture on the display letting him know that her patience was wearing thin. Glancing at the screen Andrew decided that the last thing he wanted to do right then was see Olga.
“Are you toying with me?” yelled Olga, “How long am I supposed to wait for you?”
“I am not coming,” whispered Andrew into the phone.
“Are you crazy?” asked Olga, but Andrew had already hung up the phone.
He knew that later they would make up anyway. She would get over it easily enough. Telling the cab driver to turn back, Andrew was on his way home.
Masha didn’t know how much time had actually passed. To her it seemed like a whole eternity. In reality it was only three hours. Little by little Masha started to regain consciousness, and realized that her suicide attempt was unsuccessful. This made her fill with happiness.
She was still feeling very nauseous, but she no longer vomited. Maybe there’s no more food left in my stomach thought Masha and tried to get up. Her legs were shaking but she still managed to take a few steps to get to the phone near the wall. Doing this took away any strength Masha had in her and she collapsed on the couch. Laying her head down on the pillow Masha gave out a sigh.
With every passing minute, the strength drained out of her bit by bit. She had to do something about it, but didn’t know what she could do. She didn’t feel like calling Andrew, but there was also no way she would call an ambulance. They will just take me away to the nut house thought Masha and placed the phone on the floor next to the bed.
As soon as Andrew got home, he filled the tub with water, slipped in, and relaxed… Thoughts of Masha and her well being still didn’t leave his mind. Almost an entire day had passed but she still hadn’t called him. With each passing minute his worry for the girl became stronger and stronger, and even the warm water didn’t help to relax him. Just thinking about what Masha could have done to herself left him terrified. I have to be by her side now thought Andrew and went to his room to change.
“Where are you going son?” asked his mom.
“I am going for a walk with Masha,” lied Andrew without looking at his mom and hurried into his room. Quickly getting dressed, Andrew flew out of his apartment like a speeding bullet and set out to get to Masha. His growing worry and thoughts of something bad happening to her roamed inside him.
Getting to the needed floor of such a familiar building Andrew stopped in his tracks. Confusion filled his mind as he noticed that the door to Masha’s apartment was open. Thinking the worst of thoughts, he pushed the door and it opened with ease. Darkness filled the apartment. Walking inside Andrew started calling out to Masha but there was no answer. Checking every room, he noticed Masha in her bedroom lying still and devoid of any feelings. Her face was pale like that of a dead man. On the coffee table Andrew noticed a load of different pills mixed into a big pile.
Understanding what was going on, he tried to get a reaction from Masha by lightly slapping her face, but Masha gave no sign of life. Checking her pulse, Andrew confirmed with happiness that she was alive. He went to the kitchen, filled a cup with ice-cold water, and splashed it on Masha’s face. The girl slowly but slightly opened her eyes. It was evident that even doing such a simple task was hard for Masha to master.
“It’s okay,” said Andrew in a soothing voice, “We’re going to wash out your stomach and you’ll feel better right away!” The whole procedure was long and unpleasant, but eventually it came to an end. What did you do, you silly girl? thought Andrew as he put Masha to bed and wrapped a blanket around her body with much care.
Lying in bed I burst into tears. It was only then that I realized what danger my life was in. Andrew was sitting next to me trying to calm me down. His face looked calm, but his eyes were filled with fear and pain. At that moment his entire being seemed so native, so close.
“You saved my life,” I said all teary-eyed.
“Stop it. Every decent guy would do the same if he were in my shoes right now,” said Andrew with worry in his voice.
Calming down Masha asked, “Hmmm… How did you guess that I needed help?”
“It was this gut feeling I had. You know, I wanted to tell you a long time ago but couldn’t bring myself to do it. For a while now you are more than just a friend to me. You…you…you are the most awesome girl on this planet and I love you!”
Being overcome with sleepiness Masha could not make out Andrew’s words. Andrew himself didn’t expect such a confession to come out of him. He looked at Masha with much hope, but she had already fallen asleep. He gently kissed Masha’s hair and thought to himself: Sleep my love. We will talk tomorrow. Andrew spent the entire night by Masha’s side not even realizing that he did. Being next to her brought him endless pleasure.
Masha had a wide smile on her face as she slept. She dreamt a fairytale dream, where she was walking through a magic meadow with her family. Her brother Stas, already grown up, was running beside her collecting flowers to make her and mom some beautiful wreaths. Her parents were walking behind, admiring their kids. Her dream was so beautiful and everything felt so good. She hadn’t felt like this in a very long time.
Morning rolled around and Masha woke up feeling awful. Her eyes were swollen from the heavy crying, her head was throbbing, her body was aching, and she didn’t want to see or hear anything. Andrew was there beside her. He spent the entire night at Masha’s side, admiring her and guarding her as she slept. The young man brought her breakfast and tried to force her to eat, but she refused to put any food into her body because the mere sight of it made her feel even worse. He tried to put some sense into her, explaining that doing this would not get her anywhere, and that she had already made so many mistakes.
You have to start life over, like a new page in a book, and stop thinking about bad things, about the past. Masha didn’t want to hear anything and was angry at Andrew for the fact that he didn’t seem to understand a thing. How can a person be so silly and so persistent? Their squabble ended up turning into an argument; Masha was proving her love for Peter, while Andrew was trying to make her see that life was not over yet and that all will be well.
Andrew understood that debating with me was useless and left, slamming the door behind him. After he left, I didn’t feel any better because I started to feel guilty that I hurt the person who had no hard feelings and was just trying to help. Am I really such a bad person after all, that I cause people nothing but trouble and pain, that I tortured Peter, and that I just got into an argument with Andrew?
I was so out of it from all that had happened that my legs were shaking and my head kept throbbing. In order to get myself together, I went over to my bar and found what little alcohol was left there from my last visit. Comfortably settling into the armchair, I started drinking straight from the bottle, forgetting about everything. I started to feel better with every sip that I took. My thoughts started to vanish, and the physical and spiritual pain began to subside little by little. I sat there and kept on drinking until all the alcohol ran out.
Last updated: 2-27