On the Fifth Day.
Title: Nothing
Fandom: Death Note (Live Action Movie)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sayu wants to comfort her brother but doesn't know how.
Sayu had been told to leave her brother alone but after a while, she decided that she would ignore this command. It wasn’t that she wanted to disturb Light. She just wanted to see him. Wanted to help him.
“Light?” she whispered, opening his door a crack.
He wasn’t asleep. He was sitting on his bed, arms around his knees, eyes staring blankly ahead. When he said nothing, she slipped into the room and sat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders when he didn’t move away from her.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
He didn’t answer for a while but abruptly, he put an arm around her and gently stroked her hair. Sayu leaned against him and gulped back sobs. She’d liked Shiori. How could this have happened to her? How could someone so real actually be dead. Someone who’d laughed and smiled in this very room now never, ever be there ever again? It just didn’t make sense.
“You’ve been crying,” Light said.
Sayu nodded, trying to look as though she wasn’t going to cry now. She looked at Light anxiously but it didn’t look like he was going to cry either. He looked more confused than sad, as though there was a puzzle that he needed to work out.
“What are you thinking?” she asked him. She didn’t know what she expected. Light couldn’t be thinking of anything very much really. He had loved Shiori, Shiori had loved them, they’d been dating for so long now. The thoughts going through light’s head must be so sad, so painful that she almost didn’t what to know. So much so than his answer, when it came, was almost relaxing.
“Nothing.”
Title: Believe Me
Fandom: Jyu Oh Sei
Rating PG
Summary: Thor wants to believe.
Sometimes, Thor told himself that Rai wasn’t really dead.
He’d never seen a body. He’d just seen Rai fall away from him and all right, he’d fallen into the lair of a carnivorous deadly plant but still. Still. He could still have survived, couldn’t he? There hadn’t been a body. Someone could have saved him, couldn’t they?
(Of course, so far on this horrible world, people never saved anyone unless there was something in it from them and everyone he knew had told him that Rai was useless and ought to be left behind and there was no way he could save him so no one else would have tried but, but, but … )
“You shouldn’t cling to false hope here,” Saad told him, quite gently. “To survive here, you have to accept the grim reality of death.”
“You don’t know that,” Thor muttered.
“I do,” Saad said softly. “Believe me, I do.”
And Thor supposed that really, Saad did.
Title: Blameless
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating PG
Summary: Harry tries to deal with his guilt and continue with his life.
Harry absolutely dreaded the meal with Andromeda Tonks.
How could it be anything but awful? Her husband dead, her daughter dead only months later? And one of those deaths at least could certainly be laid at Harry’s door, could absolutely be placed at his feet no matter what anyone said.
“People chose to fight,” Hermione kept saying. “You must stop blaming yourself Harry.”
But he did blame himself and he couldn’t believe that other people didn’t blame him either. And now Andromeda wanted him to eat with her and it was going to be absolutely unbearable.
Only oddly enough, it wasn’t. Andromeda Tonks had lost a lot of weight since Harry had met her last and her hair had lost its lustre. Her eyes were tired and her hands shook slightly. But she greeted him warmly and took him to see little Teddy, who lay in his cot, gurgling and reaching up for magically moving toys.
“He helps,” she said. “When I feel … he helps.”
She didn’t mention her grief after that. She gave Harry a truly impressive meal and let him give Teddy a bottle. She told him funny stories about when she’d first come to live with Ted and he’d helped her pass as a Muggle. She was lively and friendly and encouraged Harry to talk about things much more normal than in any of his recent conversations. Harry found himself having fun and found the fact that it was fun confusing.
They talked in this almost normal way until Teddy began to grumble for his bed and Andromeda took him to upstairs to put him to bed.
“You can see him whenever you like,” she said abruptly when she returned. “He’s your Godson. He’s your family too.”
“I shouldn’t be his Godfather,” Harry said, his voice suddenly shaking. “I can’t … it’s not right. His parents died because of me.”
“No!” she snapped. “His parents died to make this world better! They chose you because they wanted Teddy’s Godfather to be someone who understood courage and sacrifice and doing things for the greater good.”
Harry winced at those words. The Greater Good. Could there ever be anything in this world that justified death less? Lupin and Tonks had died and they shouldn’t have had to. They had died and it was unfair. They had died because … because …
“If you must place blame,” Andromeda said quietly. “Place the blame at the feet of the right people. Did you start a war, Harry?”
“No,” Harry said slowly.
“Did you want a war?”
“No.”
“Did you tell anyone that they had to fight for you?”
“No!”
“Then their deaths,” Andromeda said with a strangely calm deliberation. “Their deaths are the fault of those that started this war, those that cast the killing curses and themselves. Remus Lupin and my daughter chose to go. They chose. This world is … is too confusing to put blame at one particular door. Death is … such a huge concept. It’s too big … and I don’t know why it had to happen but it happened and … and you shouldn’t blame yourself any more.”
She had begun to cry and without thinking, Harry reached out clumsily to her. She hugged him and cried into his hair and he swallowed back tears of his own. No matter what she said, he couldn’t feel blameless. He couldn’t believe that it was nothing to do with him. But somehow, he felt a little less guilty all the same. Blamess or not, the blame at least was not entirely his. And that meant a lot.
Title: Not Human
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating PG
Summary: The Doctor isn't human and sometimes that makes reactions hard.
In a way, it was strange that Adric’s death hurt so much.
The Doctor was used to death. He was used to people leaving him too. When your lifespan was disproportionate to those around you, you had to get used to transition. Things never stayed static. You had to live with it and the Doctor always did. Sometimes it hurt but he carried on. He had to.
But the thing was, he sometimes forgot. Sometimes he forgot that humans were so fragile, so easily killed. When they were on his TARDIS, they were always there. They were so alive, so boisterous. They changed his existence, they rid his life of the static that sometimes began to form when he was alone. They always seemed so alive.
And now Adric wasn’t. Adric, who was so young. He’d never had time to grow up, to really find his place. The Doctor had forgotten what it was like to have someone that young, that uncertain around. If only he’d remembered in time maybe it would have been easier for the boy. Maybe it would have been happier. It made the Doctor feel worse to think that maybe Adric hadn’t been really content on the TARDIS.
He tried to banish the guilt. It was a natural reaction to death. He’d heard Tegan crying to Nyssa about how she should have been nicer to Adric, been kinder. It was a common reaction to death. Very human.
But the Doctor was not human. And to Time Lords, death was a concept so different from the human idea that it was hard to change it around and make sense of it sometimes. It was hard to know what to do, what to think. How to be.
Sometimes the Doctor thought it would be easier to travel alone.
Title: Cruel
Fandom: House/Death Note
Rating PG
Summary: Cuddy can't believe that life could be so cruel.
“Cuddy?”
Wilson was at the door again. Cuddy couldn’t understand why the man didn’t get that a locked and bolted door meant “Keep out.” She hadn’t answered calls or knocks for days. Why would she start now?
“Cuddy,” Wilson called again. “Please. I’m worried about you. Just let me see you’re okay.”
She wasn't having that either. Each day, she stuck a different note on the door so Wilson couldn’t tell the police that he thought she might be dead. She was alive. What more did he need?
“I hurt too,” Wilson said, his voice dull. “We couldn’t have expected … it was sudden, unreal. But … we can’t, you can’t just hide … ”
Cuddy closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears. She couldn’t listen to this now. She couldn’t. Wilson didn’t understand. None of them understood. They couldn’t understand because it was impossible. Everything was impossible.
Even with her hands tightly over her ears, she couldn’t block out the raspy horror of that laugh beside her ear.
“The rules were written clear enough,” the perpetually-amused voice hissed in her ear. “The human whose name is written in this note shall die.”
But she hadn’t believed it. How could she believe such stupidity? She’d thought it was one of House’s stupid jokes (she was the one who was stupid, how was that ever House’s style?) She’d meant to just bin it and have House find it but then she’d been called to clear up one of House’s messes and he’d been ungrateful and she’d been so angry, she’d must wanted to get rid of her annoyance, that was all and she’d scrawled the name and forty seconds later …
How could she have known that magic was real? How could she have known that the world could be so cruel?
Fandom: Death Note (Live Action Movie)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sayu wants to comfort her brother but doesn't know how.
Sayu had been told to leave her brother alone but after a while, she decided that she would ignore this command. It wasn’t that she wanted to disturb Light. She just wanted to see him. Wanted to help him.
“Light?” she whispered, opening his door a crack.
He wasn’t asleep. He was sitting on his bed, arms around his knees, eyes staring blankly ahead. When he said nothing, she slipped into the room and sat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders when he didn’t move away from her.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
He didn’t answer for a while but abruptly, he put an arm around her and gently stroked her hair. Sayu leaned against him and gulped back sobs. She’d liked Shiori. How could this have happened to her? How could someone so real actually be dead. Someone who’d laughed and smiled in this very room now never, ever be there ever again? It just didn’t make sense.
“You’ve been crying,” Light said.
Sayu nodded, trying to look as though she wasn’t going to cry now. She looked at Light anxiously but it didn’t look like he was going to cry either. He looked more confused than sad, as though there was a puzzle that he needed to work out.
“What are you thinking?” she asked him. She didn’t know what she expected. Light couldn’t be thinking of anything very much really. He had loved Shiori, Shiori had loved them, they’d been dating for so long now. The thoughts going through light’s head must be so sad, so painful that she almost didn’t what to know. So much so than his answer, when it came, was almost relaxing.
“Nothing.”
Title: Believe Me
Fandom: Jyu Oh Sei
Rating PG
Summary: Thor wants to believe.
Sometimes, Thor told himself that Rai wasn’t really dead.
He’d never seen a body. He’d just seen Rai fall away from him and all right, he’d fallen into the lair of a carnivorous deadly plant but still. Still. He could still have survived, couldn’t he? There hadn’t been a body. Someone could have saved him, couldn’t they?
(Of course, so far on this horrible world, people never saved anyone unless there was something in it from them and everyone he knew had told him that Rai was useless and ought to be left behind and there was no way he could save him so no one else would have tried but, but, but … )
“You shouldn’t cling to false hope here,” Saad told him, quite gently. “To survive here, you have to accept the grim reality of death.”
“You don’t know that,” Thor muttered.
“I do,” Saad said softly. “Believe me, I do.”
And Thor supposed that really, Saad did.
Title: Blameless
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating PG
Summary: Harry tries to deal with his guilt and continue with his life.
Harry absolutely dreaded the meal with Andromeda Tonks.
How could it be anything but awful? Her husband dead, her daughter dead only months later? And one of those deaths at least could certainly be laid at Harry’s door, could absolutely be placed at his feet no matter what anyone said.
“People chose to fight,” Hermione kept saying. “You must stop blaming yourself Harry.”
But he did blame himself and he couldn’t believe that other people didn’t blame him either. And now Andromeda wanted him to eat with her and it was going to be absolutely unbearable.
Only oddly enough, it wasn’t. Andromeda Tonks had lost a lot of weight since Harry had met her last and her hair had lost its lustre. Her eyes were tired and her hands shook slightly. But she greeted him warmly and took him to see little Teddy, who lay in his cot, gurgling and reaching up for magically moving toys.
“He helps,” she said. “When I feel … he helps.”
She didn’t mention her grief after that. She gave Harry a truly impressive meal and let him give Teddy a bottle. She told him funny stories about when she’d first come to live with Ted and he’d helped her pass as a Muggle. She was lively and friendly and encouraged Harry to talk about things much more normal than in any of his recent conversations. Harry found himself having fun and found the fact that it was fun confusing.
They talked in this almost normal way until Teddy began to grumble for his bed and Andromeda took him to upstairs to put him to bed.
“You can see him whenever you like,” she said abruptly when she returned. “He’s your Godson. He’s your family too.”
“I shouldn’t be his Godfather,” Harry said, his voice suddenly shaking. “I can’t … it’s not right. His parents died because of me.”
“No!” she snapped. “His parents died to make this world better! They chose you because they wanted Teddy’s Godfather to be someone who understood courage and sacrifice and doing things for the greater good.”
Harry winced at those words. The Greater Good. Could there ever be anything in this world that justified death less? Lupin and Tonks had died and they shouldn’t have had to. They had died and it was unfair. They had died because … because …
“If you must place blame,” Andromeda said quietly. “Place the blame at the feet of the right people. Did you start a war, Harry?”
“No,” Harry said slowly.
“Did you want a war?”
“No.”
“Did you tell anyone that they had to fight for you?”
“No!”
“Then their deaths,” Andromeda said with a strangely calm deliberation. “Their deaths are the fault of those that started this war, those that cast the killing curses and themselves. Remus Lupin and my daughter chose to go. They chose. This world is … is too confusing to put blame at one particular door. Death is … such a huge concept. It’s too big … and I don’t know why it had to happen but it happened and … and you shouldn’t blame yourself any more.”
She had begun to cry and without thinking, Harry reached out clumsily to her. She hugged him and cried into his hair and he swallowed back tears of his own. No matter what she said, he couldn’t feel blameless. He couldn’t believe that it was nothing to do with him. But somehow, he felt a little less guilty all the same. Blamess or not, the blame at least was not entirely his. And that meant a lot.
Title: Not Human
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating PG
Summary: The Doctor isn't human and sometimes that makes reactions hard.
In a way, it was strange that Adric’s death hurt so much.
The Doctor was used to death. He was used to people leaving him too. When your lifespan was disproportionate to those around you, you had to get used to transition. Things never stayed static. You had to live with it and the Doctor always did. Sometimes it hurt but he carried on. He had to.
But the thing was, he sometimes forgot. Sometimes he forgot that humans were so fragile, so easily killed. When they were on his TARDIS, they were always there. They were so alive, so boisterous. They changed his existence, they rid his life of the static that sometimes began to form when he was alone. They always seemed so alive.
And now Adric wasn’t. Adric, who was so young. He’d never had time to grow up, to really find his place. The Doctor had forgotten what it was like to have someone that young, that uncertain around. If only he’d remembered in time maybe it would have been easier for the boy. Maybe it would have been happier. It made the Doctor feel worse to think that maybe Adric hadn’t been really content on the TARDIS.
He tried to banish the guilt. It was a natural reaction to death. He’d heard Tegan crying to Nyssa about how she should have been nicer to Adric, been kinder. It was a common reaction to death. Very human.
But the Doctor was not human. And to Time Lords, death was a concept so different from the human idea that it was hard to change it around and make sense of it sometimes. It was hard to know what to do, what to think. How to be.
Sometimes the Doctor thought it would be easier to travel alone.
Title: Cruel
Fandom: House/Death Note
Rating PG
Summary: Cuddy can't believe that life could be so cruel.
“Cuddy?”
Wilson was at the door again. Cuddy couldn’t understand why the man didn’t get that a locked and bolted door meant “Keep out.” She hadn’t answered calls or knocks for days. Why would she start now?
“Cuddy,” Wilson called again. “Please. I’m worried about you. Just let me see you’re okay.”
She wasn't having that either. Each day, she stuck a different note on the door so Wilson couldn’t tell the police that he thought she might be dead. She was alive. What more did he need?
“I hurt too,” Wilson said, his voice dull. “We couldn’t have expected … it was sudden, unreal. But … we can’t, you can’t just hide … ”
Cuddy closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears. She couldn’t listen to this now. She couldn’t. Wilson didn’t understand. None of them understood. They couldn’t understand because it was impossible. Everything was impossible.
Even with her hands tightly over her ears, she couldn’t block out the raspy horror of that laugh beside her ear.
“The rules were written clear enough,” the perpetually-amused voice hissed in her ear. “The human whose name is written in this note shall die.”
But she hadn’t believed it. How could she believe such stupidity? She’d thought it was one of House’s stupid jokes (she was the one who was stupid, how was that ever House’s style?) She’d meant to just bin it and have House find it but then she’d been called to clear up one of House’s messes and he’d been ungrateful and she’d been so angry, she’d must wanted to get rid of her annoyance, that was all and she’d scrawled the name and forty seconds later …
How could she have known that magic was real? How could she have known that the world could be so cruel?