On the Third Day ...
Title: Gone
Fandom: Detective Academy Q
Rating: PG
Summary: Dan Morihiko can only see what is ruined about his life.
Dan was getting rapidly sick of the hospital room.
Oh, it was filled with all those pretend things you could look at. All the fake things that were supposed to make you feel much better. Prints on the walls. Several people had sent him flowers and Katagiri-kun had arranged them for him. There was a window but Dan hadn’t looked out of it at all. As far as he was concerned, the rest of the world could go to hell.
The thing was, he didn’t want to do anything. What was the point? Most of what he’d like to do was now no longer a possibility now that he was a cripple.
(everyone kept trying to avoid that word. Dan wouldn’t let them. He was a cripple, he was lame, his legs no longer worked. What other word was there?)
He couldn’t do his job any more. How could you be a detective when you were a cripple? How could you earn anyone’s respect? He wouldn’t be able to go back to his house, it would need to be modified. He should have just let himself die. Better to be dead than the pathetic husk that he was now. No career, no job, no partner -
Dan closed his eyes at that thought. He hadn’t thought there could be anything worse than the not-pain in his body. But the emotional pain was worse. It was almost physical, a ball of cold, hideous grief that he couldn’t even begin to process.
Renjo was gone. He was gone and he was never going to come back. Dan would never hear his voice again, never hear him laugh or see him smile. Never hold his hand. Never feel his breath on his skin or get to touch him …
He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about anything. His life was ruined. Everything was ruined. There was no point thinking about anything.
(later, he would look back on that melancholy with a grim sort of amusement. It wasn’t real. The result of a devastating loss and the shock of such a savage injury caused all sorts of darkness in his head that it took a long time to cure. But never banished. Because still, a part of himself always knew that his deepest dreams had been destroyed with Renjo’s death and nothing could ever change that.)
Title: Maybe.
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: PG
Summary: Simon tries to comfort his sister but knows there's nothing that can be said.
“Simon. Simon.”
He was awake instantly, reaching out to find the light. A little hand caught his wrist and he looked at the shadow above him. River’s shadow.
“Simon, there were things in the walls. Things in the walls and they whispered to me and I thought I couldn’t wake up but then I did and the things didn’t stop talking … ”
“River,” Simon said, trying to get a grip on his thoughts. “River, it’s all right. It’s all right now. There’s nothing in the walls, mei-mei.”
She shook her head frantically, her hair sending serpent-like shadows over the walls.
“No, no, they’re there, they’re waiting, I can’t think … ”
Simon didn’t say anything else. He rolled back in the bed and tugged gently. A moment later, River was in bed with him, shivering against his side. He wrapped an arm around her, noting how thin she was and added “feeding River up” to his mental list of things to do.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You can stay in here with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Can’t stop time,” she mumbled back. “Can’t stop the worlds, can’t stop anything, can’t … ”
Simon shushed her, stroking her hair and trying to be comforting. He tried not to remember when they’d been younger and River had got into bed with him because of nightmares then. He’d always told her that everything would be better in the morning. How could he tell her that now? How could he tell her that when it was such a lie? For River, tomorrow was a bewildered concept, something which would be the same as today and would always be the same. Lost in the maze of her head with whatever they’d done to her trapped with her. Nothing was how they’d hoped it would be. Everything they’d dreamed of when she’d cuddled up in his bed as a child was ruined.
“Glue them together,” River mumbled. “Glue it and reshape and try to mould it like gooey, gooey clay … ”
She giggled a little, wiping her teary face on his shoulder. Simon took it as a good sign and stroked her hair gently, closing his eyes. She was right, he knew that. You had to remake your world when it changed and make the best of it. Right now there didn’t exactly seem to be any more dreams they could make but maybe, maybe one day, they’d find a place to settle down. Maybe one day, when River was better.
“Maybe,” River whispered, almost too quiet to be heard.
Title: Torn Apart
Fandom: Death Note
Rating: PG
Summary: Raito always knew that he could never possibly be Kira.
Ryuuzaki was just holding the notebook, staring vaguely into space, not saying anything. Raito felt a stab of frustration. Right there was how Kira killed people and Ryuuzaki was just sitting there, gawping. Was there really a monster there? Or was there something wrong with Ryuzaki, with Mogi, with his father?
“I want to see it too, Ryuuzaki!”
He reached out for the little black notebook. It wasn’t really possible, was it? Couldn’t be possible. How could you kill with a notebook? Shinigami weren’t real, they couldn’t be … could they?
His fingers closed over the leathery cover. He pulled it towards him, thinking how it just like a completely regular notebook -
It was like an explosion. A raw, ripping pain and then alien images hurtling before his eyes: a notebook on the ground, names being written, laughter and the crunching of an apple, a name: Ryuk, another name: Raye Penbar and then he realised somewhere inside that they weren’t pictures but memories, reality …
It was only in a span of seconds that it all happened. But for one blinding, horribly clear second, Raito felt as though his heart was being torn apart with horror. All his promises to Ryuuzaki, all his words and beliefs and everything, everything was a lie, his entire existence was a lie and -
But the second ended and the world righted. Ryuuzaki was asking if he was all right but Raito didn’t answer. He grasped his notebook tightly and didn’t try to contain his gleeful smile.
He disregarded that strange sensation of having things torn apart beneath his feet. Just a strange reaction all the memories returning, no doubt. Everything was going just as planned, after all.
Fandom: Detective Academy Q
Rating: PG
Summary: Dan Morihiko can only see what is ruined about his life.
Dan was getting rapidly sick of the hospital room.
Oh, it was filled with all those pretend things you could look at. All the fake things that were supposed to make you feel much better. Prints on the walls. Several people had sent him flowers and Katagiri-kun had arranged them for him. There was a window but Dan hadn’t looked out of it at all. As far as he was concerned, the rest of the world could go to hell.
The thing was, he didn’t want to do anything. What was the point? Most of what he’d like to do was now no longer a possibility now that he was a cripple.
(everyone kept trying to avoid that word. Dan wouldn’t let them. He was a cripple, he was lame, his legs no longer worked. What other word was there?)
He couldn’t do his job any more. How could you be a detective when you were a cripple? How could you earn anyone’s respect? He wouldn’t be able to go back to his house, it would need to be modified. He should have just let himself die. Better to be dead than the pathetic husk that he was now. No career, no job, no partner -
Dan closed his eyes at that thought. He hadn’t thought there could be anything worse than the not-pain in his body. But the emotional pain was worse. It was almost physical, a ball of cold, hideous grief that he couldn’t even begin to process.
Renjo was gone. He was gone and he was never going to come back. Dan would never hear his voice again, never hear him laugh or see him smile. Never hold his hand. Never feel his breath on his skin or get to touch him …
He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about anything. His life was ruined. Everything was ruined. There was no point thinking about anything.
(later, he would look back on that melancholy with a grim sort of amusement. It wasn’t real. The result of a devastating loss and the shock of such a savage injury caused all sorts of darkness in his head that it took a long time to cure. But never banished. Because still, a part of himself always knew that his deepest dreams had been destroyed with Renjo’s death and nothing could ever change that.)
Title: Maybe.
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: PG
Summary: Simon tries to comfort his sister but knows there's nothing that can be said.
“Simon. Simon.”
He was awake instantly, reaching out to find the light. A little hand caught his wrist and he looked at the shadow above him. River’s shadow.
“Simon, there were things in the walls. Things in the walls and they whispered to me and I thought I couldn’t wake up but then I did and the things didn’t stop talking … ”
“River,” Simon said, trying to get a grip on his thoughts. “River, it’s all right. It’s all right now. There’s nothing in the walls, mei-mei.”
She shook her head frantically, her hair sending serpent-like shadows over the walls.
“No, no, they’re there, they’re waiting, I can’t think … ”
Simon didn’t say anything else. He rolled back in the bed and tugged gently. A moment later, River was in bed with him, shivering against his side. He wrapped an arm around her, noting how thin she was and added “feeding River up” to his mental list of things to do.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You can stay in here with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“Can’t stop time,” she mumbled back. “Can’t stop the worlds, can’t stop anything, can’t … ”
Simon shushed her, stroking her hair and trying to be comforting. He tried not to remember when they’d been younger and River had got into bed with him because of nightmares then. He’d always told her that everything would be better in the morning. How could he tell her that now? How could he tell her that when it was such a lie? For River, tomorrow was a bewildered concept, something which would be the same as today and would always be the same. Lost in the maze of her head with whatever they’d done to her trapped with her. Nothing was how they’d hoped it would be. Everything they’d dreamed of when she’d cuddled up in his bed as a child was ruined.
“Glue them together,” River mumbled. “Glue it and reshape and try to mould it like gooey, gooey clay … ”
She giggled a little, wiping her teary face on his shoulder. Simon took it as a good sign and stroked her hair gently, closing his eyes. She was right, he knew that. You had to remake your world when it changed and make the best of it. Right now there didn’t exactly seem to be any more dreams they could make but maybe, maybe one day, they’d find a place to settle down. Maybe one day, when River was better.
“Maybe,” River whispered, almost too quiet to be heard.
Title: Torn Apart
Fandom: Death Note
Rating: PG
Summary: Raito always knew that he could never possibly be Kira.
Ryuuzaki was just holding the notebook, staring vaguely into space, not saying anything. Raito felt a stab of frustration. Right there was how Kira killed people and Ryuuzaki was just sitting there, gawping. Was there really a monster there? Or was there something wrong with Ryuzaki, with Mogi, with his father?
“I want to see it too, Ryuuzaki!”
He reached out for the little black notebook. It wasn’t really possible, was it? Couldn’t be possible. How could you kill with a notebook? Shinigami weren’t real, they couldn’t be … could they?
His fingers closed over the leathery cover. He pulled it towards him, thinking how it just like a completely regular notebook -
It was like an explosion. A raw, ripping pain and then alien images hurtling before his eyes: a notebook on the ground, names being written, laughter and the crunching of an apple, a name: Ryuk, another name: Raye Penbar and then he realised somewhere inside that they weren’t pictures but memories, reality …
It was only in a span of seconds that it all happened. But for one blinding, horribly clear second, Raito felt as though his heart was being torn apart with horror. All his promises to Ryuuzaki, all his words and beliefs and everything, everything was a lie, his entire existence was a lie and -
But the second ended and the world righted. Ryuuzaki was asking if he was all right but Raito didn’t answer. He grasped his notebook tightly and didn’t try to contain his gleeful smile.
He disregarded that strange sensation of having things torn apart beneath his feet. Just a strange reaction all the memories returning, no doubt. Everything was going just as planned, after all.