On The Twelfth Day Of Christmas, A Day In Bed Brought To Me
Twelve Thundering Triumphs
(I'm sorry guys, I don't know what came over me with today's fics)
Dr Who/(semi)RL crossover
Davros, Sabethea
G (very much crack, very very much crack)
442 words
“Davros!” Sabethea, Queen of the Daleks, called his name across the plain.
Davros wheeled out, his face angry and cruel. “I will destroy you.”
“Yes, okay, you've been saying that for quite some time. I suggest a battle.”
“What? You - you - you dare to challenge me?”
Sabethea considered for a moment. “Well, yes, I suppose I do.”
“Me?”
“You and whose army?” Sabethea asked, unable to resist.
“I have an army of daleks at my beck and call. BECK AND CALL.”
“Splendid. So, as a matter of fact, do I.”
“What?” Davros was furious. “How dare you claim sovereignty over daleks? They are my creations, my creations, mine, I tell you!”
“We-ell,” Sabethea acknowledged fairly, “the ones you are talking about, yes. I'm talking about something a little different.”
“I will call my army.”
“Go on, then,” she encouraged.
Davros snapped the fingers of his one working hand, and several hundred daleks appeared behind him. “You dare to ask me about my army? BEHOLD my army!”
“Okay, no need to shout,” chastised Sabethea. “And here are mine.” She pressed the beeper on her bright red mobility-scooter-come-dalek, and behind her, in numbers, appeared more and more and more and more and more others. Many old, mostly disabled; they thronged behind her.
“And you think you can defeat my daleks with your collection of misfits and cripples?” Davros shouted, spit flying from his lips. “My daleks will exterminate you. What do you have to offer in return?”
Sabethea smiled. “Chocolate.”
“I do not understand.”
“Well,” said Sabethea, channelling her inner Doctor 10, “that's not a surprise. Want to put it to the test?”
“I want to do nothing but exterminate you all,” Davros sneered.
“On a count of three, then?” Sabethea knew as she spoke that Davros would stick to no rules of combat; she gave a quick glance around to her gathered army, who nodded their readiness.
“TO WAR!” Davros screamed.
“To chocolate!” Sabethea said in return.
Before the daleks on Davros's side could unleash even a single extermination, they were bombarded with chocolate. Dark chocolate. Milk chocolate. White chocolate. Chocolate with chilli. Chocolate with orange. Chocolate with mint. Davros's daleks quailed before it; yet, as the chocolate touched them, they changed. It was by no means obvious at first, but as Davros rallied his troops once more, the emperor dalek spoke. But what he said was not “Exterminate.” It was:
“Give out chocolate!”
The daleks obeyed.
Sabethea smiled.
Davros lost.
Malory Towers
Miss Oates/?
PG
108 words
It was not, in fact - as most of the girls assumed - gruff, manly Miss Peters who was having an affair with the sixth form teacher Miss Oates. Indeed, much as Miss Peters admired Miss Oates as a friend and colleague, she knew all too well that (even if she were of that persuasion, which incidentally she was not), Miss Oates's precise pernickety ways would have driven her to distraction in a lover.
Strange to say, not one of Miss Grayling's pupils even considered the possibility that their beloved Headmistress was involved in a tumultuous lesbian affair. Which was, of course, precisely how that lady liked it.
Malory Towers
Bill/Clarissa
G
236 words
The horse shows had been Clarissa's idea. Lots of things were, Bill found. Clarissa might look meek and mild, but she knew perfectly how to wind Bill around her little finger.
“After all,” she had said, standing on tiptoe to kiss Bill on the cheek, “it will look good for our stables if we can show cups and rosettes that we've won. It will prove our credentials.”
Bill had agreed, though with a suspicion (borne out in fact) that it was going to be her, Bill, who would be entering the shows, rather than Clarissa, who claimed shyness and a heart condition as her excuses. But it turned out that Bill actually enjoyed competing, pitting her wits - hers and Thunder's - against the other competitors.
And there was one cup of which Bill was particularly proud.
“Clarissa! Clarissa!” She leapt out of the horsebox on her return to the stables. “Look!”
Clarissa came to meet her. “What is it, darling?”
“Best Horse At Show.” Bill's voice swelled with pride. “For Thunder.” She couldn't stop the grin from splitting her face almost in two. “I always said he was the best horse in the world, and this proves it. I was right!”
“That's brilliant!” Clarissa hugged her girlfriend tightly. “I'm so happy for you - for him.” She smiled in turn. “Thunder is triumphant indeed!”
GetBackers
Ban/Ginji
G
110 words
“That's not our car,” Ginji said accusingly.
“It's my new car,” Ban corrected him.
“I liked the old one.” Ginji pouted, walking around the silver boxy machine and prodding it disparagingly. “This one's ugly. And it's too loud when we drive.”
“This,” said Ban coldly, “is a vintage Triumph.”
Ginji snorted. “Not much of a triumph if you ask me.”
“It is its name, Ginji. This car is called a Triumph.”
“It's still noisy,” Ginji grumbled.
Ban could not deny it. The car exhaust noise left little to the imagination. “Well, let's just call it a 'thundering' Triumph,” he suggested.
Merlin
Merlin, Arthur
G
148 words
“Well,” said Merlin chirpily, “on the bright side - we won.”
Arthur glared at him. “We were fighting a group of untrained mercenaries whose reaction to seeing swords was to run fast in the opposite direction screaming 'don't hurt me'.”
“Yes, but -”
“In fact,” said Arthur ruthlessly, “they reminded me very much of you.”
“They might not have run off so quickly,” retorted Merlin, “if it weren't for me.” He remembered the 'fear' spell he had cast with a sense of satisfaction.
Arthur snorted. “Of course, Merlin, of course. That's why I found you slumped behind a tree after they'd gone.”
Merlin sighed. Some day, he would like to tell Arthur how wrong he was. But at the same time, he was strangely addicted to being alive. He would just have to savour this triumph in private.
Again.
Harry Potter
Albus/Kingsley
81 words
PG13
Albus Dumbledore had had his trials, troubles and triumphs during the many years of his life. But perhaps the most satisfactory - the triumph which gave him the most pleasure - had come in his twelfth decade. Reducing Kingsley Shacklebolt to quivering, shivering, sexual ecstasy in the Headmaster's tower bedroom at Hogwarts; that had been an achievement worth remembering.
Even at the age of one hundred and twenty-two, Albus thought proudly, he had not lost the most potent of his many abilities.
Harry Potter
Bill, Charlie, Molly
G
For ragdoll
167 words
“How about four o'clock?” bargained eight year old Bill, hopefully.
Molly shook his head. “That is far too early. Father Christmas might not even have come by that time.”
“He will,” said Charlie confidently. “I 'member, last year there were presents by one o'clock.”
Molly frowned. “And what were you doing up at one o'clock to find this out, I'd like to know?” she said severely.
Charlie grinned. “Looking for presents, of course.”
Molly stared Bill down as he giggled. “Well,” she said, caught off-guard. “You are not getting up at 1am OR 4am.”
“Five?” Bill asked.
Molly took a deep breath. “Seven o'clock. And that's my final offer,” she said firmly.
As she went away, Bill and Charlie exchanged high fives.
“Well done,” whispered Bill. “It was the one o'clock thing which got it. I never thought she'd go for anything before eight.”
Charlie's grin grew. “See you in the morning, bro! Early!”
Harry Potter
Severus/Sirius
PG13
79 words
“Do you want me?”
“Yes. Merlin, fuck, yes.” Sirius was squirming and groaning, wanting beyond anything for Snape to tighten his grip on his cock, to go just that little bit faster so that 'nearly' became 'over the edge'. So that he'd fucking come, no matter what it was that Snape did. It didn't matter, not now, what method he used. Sirius didn't care.
Snape laughed. “I thought so.”
He let go of Sirius, and left.
Harry Potter
Lucius/Narcissa
PG
For alisanne
(After the war)
143 words
Their eyes met.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Ready.”
She gave him a small, tight smile. “We can do this, Lucius. We are Malfoys.”
“We are outcasts.”
“Really?” Narcissa raised her chin. “Enough people accepted our party invitations. We still have some position.”
“Perhaps.”
“Certainly.” Narcissa was all haughty-confidence, years of pure-blood ancestry to the fore. Then, softening, she took his arm. “And even if we haven't, we don't need to make it obvious we know it. Hold your head up, my dear, and show them we care nothing for their opinion.”
“Even if we do?” Lucius asked.
The head was held high again. “Especially if we do.”
The party might not be considered a thundering triumph, but it went well enough. The Malfoys would make their way through, just as they always did.
Harry Potter
Sirius/Tonks/Bill
R
For ragdoll
279 words
“This wasn't actually supposed to include sex,” Sirius said sheepishly.
Nymphadora Tonks, naked down to the waist and with Bill Weasley sliding under her skirts to lick her, grinned.
“A bit late for that, isn't it, coz?”
Sirius's hands were on her breasts. He smelt of Firewhiskey and desire, and Tonks was definitely not complaining when he leaned in to kiss her. She was finding it hard to concentrate on anything, thanks to what Bill was doing with his tongue. She'd had a crush on Bill for years, and it turned out that, unusually, her belief in his skills had not been misplaced. She leant against Sirius in order to stay on her feet, and he bit at her neck, making her hum appreciatively at the feeling.
“I really meant,” he mumbled against her hair, “to take you and Bill out to admire the christmas lights. This was all...”
“An accident?” Tonks suggested breathily, struggling to speak as Bill swayed her closer and closer to orgasm.
Sirius laughed at that. “An unexpected bonus,” he retorted.
“I... Oh fuck.” Tonks forgot what it was she had intended to say, as Sirius used callused thumbs to rub her nipples, just as Bill bit lightly on her clit. “Oh. Fuck.”
As she shuddered to a climax, Bill moved out from under her. “We can do that if you want,” he offered, his crooked smile lighting up his face.
Tonks grinned. “Later. For the moment, however, perhaps we should hope that Sirius cast a good DisIllusionment charm, otherwise the Muggles' 'Winter Wonderland' exhibition has been a bit more adult than it was intended...”
Harry Potter
Cedric/Oliver
PG
163 words
Hufflepuff's cheers raised the roof. Cedric acknowledged them with an embarrassed wave. Later, he sought out Oliver Wood.
“Look,” he said awkwardly, “I'm sorry.”
“Yeah. Harry's alive.”
“Good. But... I mean - well, about the match. We'll replay it. I'll go to Dumbledore; I'm sure he will understand. In the circumstances -”
“Diggory,” Wood interrupted curtly, “You won fair and square. I've been called many things, but I'm not a cheat.” The defeat rankled more than Oliver liked to think about.
Cedric stiffened. “I didn't intend to insult you.”
Oliver turned away for a second. “I know. I apologise. That was uncalled for.” With a certain amount of strain, he added, “Congratulations.”
“Wood...” Cedric put a hand on Wood's shoulder. When Wood turned, Cedric's face was only centimetres away from his own. He leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. “Let me make it up to you?” he suggested.
It was the first time Wood had ever enjoyed the aftermath of a Quidditch defeat.
Harry Potter
Tonks/Bill/Luna
PG13
For ragdoll
231 words
Bill's hair shone golden in the lamplight. Gold, Luna noted. Then, as Tonks kissed him, Pure gold. Glints of red making him leonine. Lionlike. Kingly. The golden boy, scars and all. Loved by a woman - loved by two women - loving them both.
Tonks looked almost spiritual as she kissed his mouth, then trailed a line of kisses down the centre of his body. Mouth - neck - chest - stomach - abdomen - penis. Tonks stopped there, and worshipped. Frankincense. Frankincense for worship. Tonks's feelings for Bill had always been this way: the older man whom she had admired from afar for so long. Now she could touch and taste - and she did, her joy and reverence obvious.
Then there was Luna herself. Loony Luna Lovegood, who had given up a relationship with Tonks alone to share her lover with Bill. Myrrh. Sacrifice. A loving sacrifice. Luna had not realised, when she encouraged Tonks to tell Bill about her feelings, that she might gain from the change. Luna never thought of personal gain. That she, too, had fallen for Bill was one of those fates of magical chance which logical witches and wizards claimed never happened. Luna had always known better than that, but she had never thought that it would happen to her.
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.
*
Nine months to that day, a baby was born.
(I'm sorry guys, I don't know what came over me with today's fics)
Dr Who/(semi)RL crossover
Davros, Sabethea
G (very much crack, very very much crack)
442 words
“Davros!” Sabethea, Queen of the Daleks, called his name across the plain.
Davros wheeled out, his face angry and cruel. “I will destroy you.”
“Yes, okay, you've been saying that for quite some time. I suggest a battle.”
“What? You - you - you dare to challenge me?”
Sabethea considered for a moment. “Well, yes, I suppose I do.”
“Me?”
“You and whose army?” Sabethea asked, unable to resist.
“I have an army of daleks at my beck and call. BECK AND CALL.”
“Splendid. So, as a matter of fact, do I.”
“What?” Davros was furious. “How dare you claim sovereignty over daleks? They are my creations, my creations, mine, I tell you!”
“We-ell,” Sabethea acknowledged fairly, “the ones you are talking about, yes. I'm talking about something a little different.”
“I will call my army.”
“Go on, then,” she encouraged.
Davros snapped the fingers of his one working hand, and several hundred daleks appeared behind him. “You dare to ask me about my army? BEHOLD my army!”
“Okay, no need to shout,” chastised Sabethea. “And here are mine.” She pressed the beeper on her bright red mobility-scooter-come-dalek, and behind her, in numbers, appeared more and more and more and more and more others. Many old, mostly disabled; they thronged behind her.
“And you think you can defeat my daleks with your collection of misfits and cripples?” Davros shouted, spit flying from his lips. “My daleks will exterminate you. What do you have to offer in return?”
Sabethea smiled. “Chocolate.”
“I do not understand.”
“Well,” said Sabethea, channelling her inner Doctor 10, “that's not a surprise. Want to put it to the test?”
“I want to do nothing but exterminate you all,” Davros sneered.
“On a count of three, then?” Sabethea knew as she spoke that Davros would stick to no rules of combat; she gave a quick glance around to her gathered army, who nodded their readiness.
“TO WAR!” Davros screamed.
“To chocolate!” Sabethea said in return.
Before the daleks on Davros's side could unleash even a single extermination, they were bombarded with chocolate. Dark chocolate. Milk chocolate. White chocolate. Chocolate with chilli. Chocolate with orange. Chocolate with mint. Davros's daleks quailed before it; yet, as the chocolate touched them, they changed. It was by no means obvious at first, but as Davros rallied his troops once more, the emperor dalek spoke. But what he said was not “Exterminate.” It was:
“Give out chocolate!”
The daleks obeyed.
Sabethea smiled.
Davros lost.
Malory Towers
Miss Oates/?
PG
108 words
It was not, in fact - as most of the girls assumed - gruff, manly Miss Peters who was having an affair with the sixth form teacher Miss Oates. Indeed, much as Miss Peters admired Miss Oates as a friend and colleague, she knew all too well that (even if she were of that persuasion, which incidentally she was not), Miss Oates's precise pernickety ways would have driven her to distraction in a lover.
Strange to say, not one of Miss Grayling's pupils even considered the possibility that their beloved Headmistress was involved in a tumultuous lesbian affair. Which was, of course, precisely how that lady liked it.
Malory Towers
Bill/Clarissa
G
236 words
The horse shows had been Clarissa's idea. Lots of things were, Bill found. Clarissa might look meek and mild, but she knew perfectly how to wind Bill around her little finger.
“After all,” she had said, standing on tiptoe to kiss Bill on the cheek, “it will look good for our stables if we can show cups and rosettes that we've won. It will prove our credentials.”
Bill had agreed, though with a suspicion (borne out in fact) that it was going to be her, Bill, who would be entering the shows, rather than Clarissa, who claimed shyness and a heart condition as her excuses. But it turned out that Bill actually enjoyed competing, pitting her wits - hers and Thunder's - against the other competitors.
And there was one cup of which Bill was particularly proud.
“Clarissa! Clarissa!” She leapt out of the horsebox on her return to the stables. “Look!”
Clarissa came to meet her. “What is it, darling?”
“Best Horse At Show.” Bill's voice swelled with pride. “For Thunder.” She couldn't stop the grin from splitting her face almost in two. “I always said he was the best horse in the world, and this proves it. I was right!”
“That's brilliant!” Clarissa hugged her girlfriend tightly. “I'm so happy for you - for him.” She smiled in turn. “Thunder is triumphant indeed!”
GetBackers
Ban/Ginji
G
110 words
“That's not our car,” Ginji said accusingly.
“It's my new car,” Ban corrected him.
“I liked the old one.” Ginji pouted, walking around the silver boxy machine and prodding it disparagingly. “This one's ugly. And it's too loud when we drive.”
“This,” said Ban coldly, “is a vintage Triumph.”
Ginji snorted. “Not much of a triumph if you ask me.”
“It is its name, Ginji. This car is called a Triumph.”
“It's still noisy,” Ginji grumbled.
Ban could not deny it. The car exhaust noise left little to the imagination. “Well, let's just call it a 'thundering' Triumph,” he suggested.
Merlin
Merlin, Arthur
G
148 words
“Well,” said Merlin chirpily, “on the bright side - we won.”
Arthur glared at him. “We were fighting a group of untrained mercenaries whose reaction to seeing swords was to run fast in the opposite direction screaming 'don't hurt me'.”
“Yes, but -”
“In fact,” said Arthur ruthlessly, “they reminded me very much of you.”
“They might not have run off so quickly,” retorted Merlin, “if it weren't for me.” He remembered the 'fear' spell he had cast with a sense of satisfaction.
Arthur snorted. “Of course, Merlin, of course. That's why I found you slumped behind a tree after they'd gone.”
Merlin sighed. Some day, he would like to tell Arthur how wrong he was. But at the same time, he was strangely addicted to being alive. He would just have to savour this triumph in private.
Again.
Harry Potter
Albus/Kingsley
81 words
PG13
Albus Dumbledore had had his trials, troubles and triumphs during the many years of his life. But perhaps the most satisfactory - the triumph which gave him the most pleasure - had come in his twelfth decade. Reducing Kingsley Shacklebolt to quivering, shivering, sexual ecstasy in the Headmaster's tower bedroom at Hogwarts; that had been an achievement worth remembering.
Even at the age of one hundred and twenty-two, Albus thought proudly, he had not lost the most potent of his many abilities.
Harry Potter
Bill, Charlie, Molly
G
For ragdoll
167 words
“How about four o'clock?” bargained eight year old Bill, hopefully.
Molly shook his head. “That is far too early. Father Christmas might not even have come by that time.”
“He will,” said Charlie confidently. “I 'member, last year there were presents by one o'clock.”
Molly frowned. “And what were you doing up at one o'clock to find this out, I'd like to know?” she said severely.
Charlie grinned. “Looking for presents, of course.”
Molly stared Bill down as he giggled. “Well,” she said, caught off-guard. “You are not getting up at 1am OR 4am.”
“Five?” Bill asked.
Molly took a deep breath. “Seven o'clock. And that's my final offer,” she said firmly.
As she went away, Bill and Charlie exchanged high fives.
“Well done,” whispered Bill. “It was the one o'clock thing which got it. I never thought she'd go for anything before eight.”
Charlie's grin grew. “See you in the morning, bro! Early!”
Harry Potter
Severus/Sirius
PG13
79 words
“Do you want me?”
“Yes. Merlin, fuck, yes.” Sirius was squirming and groaning, wanting beyond anything for Snape to tighten his grip on his cock, to go just that little bit faster so that 'nearly' became 'over the edge'. So that he'd fucking come, no matter what it was that Snape did. It didn't matter, not now, what method he used. Sirius didn't care.
Snape laughed. “I thought so.”
He let go of Sirius, and left.
Harry Potter
Lucius/Narcissa
PG
For alisanne
(After the war)
143 words
Their eyes met.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Ready.”
She gave him a small, tight smile. “We can do this, Lucius. We are Malfoys.”
“We are outcasts.”
“Really?” Narcissa raised her chin. “Enough people accepted our party invitations. We still have some position.”
“Perhaps.”
“Certainly.” Narcissa was all haughty-confidence, years of pure-blood ancestry to the fore. Then, softening, she took his arm. “And even if we haven't, we don't need to make it obvious we know it. Hold your head up, my dear, and show them we care nothing for their opinion.”
“Even if we do?” Lucius asked.
The head was held high again. “Especially if we do.”
The party might not be considered a thundering triumph, but it went well enough. The Malfoys would make their way through, just as they always did.
Harry Potter
Sirius/Tonks/Bill
R
For ragdoll
279 words
“This wasn't actually supposed to include sex,” Sirius said sheepishly.
Nymphadora Tonks, naked down to the waist and with Bill Weasley sliding under her skirts to lick her, grinned.
“A bit late for that, isn't it, coz?”
Sirius's hands were on her breasts. He smelt of Firewhiskey and desire, and Tonks was definitely not complaining when he leaned in to kiss her. She was finding it hard to concentrate on anything, thanks to what Bill was doing with his tongue. She'd had a crush on Bill for years, and it turned out that, unusually, her belief in his skills had not been misplaced. She leant against Sirius in order to stay on her feet, and he bit at her neck, making her hum appreciatively at the feeling.
“I really meant,” he mumbled against her hair, “to take you and Bill out to admire the christmas lights. This was all...”
“An accident?” Tonks suggested breathily, struggling to speak as Bill swayed her closer and closer to orgasm.
Sirius laughed at that. “An unexpected bonus,” he retorted.
“I... Oh fuck.” Tonks forgot what it was she had intended to say, as Sirius used callused thumbs to rub her nipples, just as Bill bit lightly on her clit. “Oh. Fuck.”
As she shuddered to a climax, Bill moved out from under her. “We can do that if you want,” he offered, his crooked smile lighting up his face.
Tonks grinned. “Later. For the moment, however, perhaps we should hope that Sirius cast a good DisIllusionment charm, otherwise the Muggles' 'Winter Wonderland' exhibition has been a bit more adult than it was intended...”
Harry Potter
Cedric/Oliver
PG
163 words
Hufflepuff's cheers raised the roof. Cedric acknowledged them with an embarrassed wave. Later, he sought out Oliver Wood.
“Look,” he said awkwardly, “I'm sorry.”
“Yeah. Harry's alive.”
“Good. But... I mean - well, about the match. We'll replay it. I'll go to Dumbledore; I'm sure he will understand. In the circumstances -”
“Diggory,” Wood interrupted curtly, “You won fair and square. I've been called many things, but I'm not a cheat.” The defeat rankled more than Oliver liked to think about.
Cedric stiffened. “I didn't intend to insult you.”
Oliver turned away for a second. “I know. I apologise. That was uncalled for.” With a certain amount of strain, he added, “Congratulations.”
“Wood...” Cedric put a hand on Wood's shoulder. When Wood turned, Cedric's face was only centimetres away from his own. He leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. “Let me make it up to you?” he suggested.
It was the first time Wood had ever enjoyed the aftermath of a Quidditch defeat.
Harry Potter
Tonks/Bill/Luna
PG13
For ragdoll
231 words
Bill's hair shone golden in the lamplight. Gold, Luna noted. Then, as Tonks kissed him, Pure gold. Glints of red making him leonine. Lionlike. Kingly. The golden boy, scars and all. Loved by a woman - loved by two women - loving them both.
Tonks looked almost spiritual as she kissed his mouth, then trailed a line of kisses down the centre of his body. Mouth - neck - chest - stomach - abdomen - penis. Tonks stopped there, and worshipped. Frankincense. Frankincense for worship. Tonks's feelings for Bill had always been this way: the older man whom she had admired from afar for so long. Now she could touch and taste - and she did, her joy and reverence obvious.
Then there was Luna herself. Loony Luna Lovegood, who had given up a relationship with Tonks alone to share her lover with Bill. Myrrh. Sacrifice. A loving sacrifice. Luna had not realised, when she encouraged Tonks to tell Bill about her feelings, that she might gain from the change. Luna never thought of personal gain. That she, too, had fallen for Bill was one of those fates of magical chance which logical witches and wizards claimed never happened. Luna had always known better than that, but she had never thought that it would happen to her.
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.
*
Nine months to that day, a baby was born.