(no subject)
So it seems to me that Friday was my first real day off. It felt as if I've been running on empty for quite some time. I'm not talking about emotionally for once either. I've just been so exausted lately and I don't know why. Well, I do, and it's bothering me intensly.
I'm completely stressed out. I dislike having to owe my mother anything like money. I never want to be in anyone's debt. It keeps me chained to them. It's not as if it's such a terrible thing to be chained to mother dearest, since she's rather lenient on things like how and when I pay her. But I just wish it was all over now. I've got to pay her for the car insurance, which in all justified cases went up, the ticket, money i borrowed for christmas and now my traffic survival school class up in tucson on the 18th.
I suppose this was a sudden change, but I was listening to the CD you gave me this summer, and track 7 came on. It just made me think of ya. I miss talking to you guy. I mean, we'll open up conversations on msn, but they are usually nothing deeper than, "how are you? really? great. me too. bye." *sighs*
So you two are silently fighting. I love you kids, I hope you know that. I also hope you know it sucks when mom and dad are fighting again. I haven't seen you in some time holl, since you leave after third hour now, and jazz...well..just remember, her hair, looks like a nut sack. Disgusting. *giggles* I just hope you two at least speak to eachother again soon. I miss the HBI.
I miss John. I know it sounds incredibly stupid and such, but I really do. And I'll keep missing him most of next week and the week after that until he gets everything he needs to get his job. Which is wonderful, I love that he's actually working towards his goal, so when we're ready we'll be stable enough to start a life together. I just..I'll see him for fifteen minutes twice a day. That's about half an hour a day. And when he actually sees me, he'll hold me close. It almost brings me to tears each time I have to tell him I need to go. Tomorrow will be our day together, but for some reason, I get this haunting feeling that it won't last just us without someone having to leave or do something. Part of me just wants to lay in his arms at this very moment, so that tomorrow can come faster in comfortable sleep. For now, I think it will just have to be me and my cigarrette. Of love. Bitches.