(no subject)
Today wasn't as bad a day as I thought it was going to be, considering I was there for four hours.
On a brighter note, I had lunch with possibly the sexiest man ALIVE. That I personally know :o)
It was so nice to just relax with him. First thing I got when I walked into his apt was that big hug I definitely could have used yesterday. Despite the fact that it was late, it was much needed and very nice. I only wish I could have told him the reason why I was so bummed yesterday...which, I'm sure is partly because of other factors and partly because I want him and can and never will have. *tear*
I know I should just take it in stride or quit while I'm ahead, but it's hard to quit on something...even if I know it will be coming to a dead end, at least it was a fun ride to the end...
It's just hard because I want to be happy and enjoy not only my time left here in Aggieland, but also my time left with him since I doubt I'll ever see him again.
We've all heard it...and we've all said it...everything happens for a reason...if it's meant to be, it'll happen when the time is right...I get it, but it's always harder to take your own advice..But if this is true, well the former more specifically, what is the reason for him taking precedence in my life right now? It's not like I needed to get over someone. Granted, I will say that with Andrew, both times I've always needed someone to get me over that hump, which I don't quite understand, yet at the same time do...but I mean, why has God put RTS in my life now? Obviously I'm going through some things right now, but it's not like I've told him either...I haven't told anyone...is it purely because God knows I need the company ...just the support ...knowing someone is there if I really needed to or wanted to talk about things? Or is it purely for the sake of happiness. I mean, I'm sure everyone who really knows me knows that I was feeling lonely up here...while I have friends from classes and whatnot that I could hang out with, I'm not really into the whole partying til 2 and getting smashed every weekend....so was he put into my life to this degree just so I could have good, honest, fun company?
I just wish he could see how I want to be there for him..I want to be his rock when he needs solace. I want to be there to make him lunch and dinner (since he's not a breakfast eater and gets sick). I want to do his grocery shopping so he doesn't have to deal with his tummy aching. I want to do his laundry and play video games with him, just so he can get a laugh out of it. I want to be there when he's stressed with law school or work is full of bullshit. I want to learn from him because he is one of the most intelligent people I know. Not only does he know his stuff, but he knows a little bit about everything...which is awesome and sexy. I want to watch basketball games and tailgate with him and his friends...I want to be the one he hasn't just been looking for, but has always dreamed of. I want him to feel loved like he's never been loved before. I want to be "It" for him. I want to do anything and everything that could possibly ever make him happy in life. I want to see the world with him..because God only knows how much fun that would be...especially if it's a road trip...him and all that music he has would be amazing...and hearing his truck start up is a total turn on. Speaking of turn on, I want to be able to show him sexy for the rest of his life. I want to show him things are real. And just because you're with someone for so long, doesn't mean it gets old. I want to show him what a real woman looks like in a corset with leggings and a garter. I want to be his everything and more for the rest of our lives. I just wish he could see how much I want him. How much I'm willing to work for him. For us. For happiness.
On a brighter note, I had lunch with possibly the sexiest man ALIVE. That I personally know :o)
It was so nice to just relax with him. First thing I got when I walked into his apt was that big hug I definitely could have used yesterday. Despite the fact that it was late, it was much needed and very nice. I only wish I could have told him the reason why I was so bummed yesterday...which, I'm sure is partly because of other factors and partly because I want him and can and never will have. *tear*
I know I should just take it in stride or quit while I'm ahead, but it's hard to quit on something...even if I know it will be coming to a dead end, at least it was a fun ride to the end...
It's just hard because I want to be happy and enjoy not only my time left here in Aggieland, but also my time left with him since I doubt I'll ever see him again.
We've all heard it...and we've all said it...everything happens for a reason...if it's meant to be, it'll happen when the time is right...I get it, but it's always harder to take your own advice..But if this is true, well the former more specifically, what is the reason for him taking precedence in my life right now? It's not like I needed to get over someone. Granted, I will say that with Andrew, both times I've always needed someone to get me over that hump, which I don't quite understand, yet at the same time do...but I mean, why has God put RTS in my life now? Obviously I'm going through some things right now, but it's not like I've told him either...I haven't told anyone...is it purely because God knows I need the company ...just the support ...knowing someone is there if I really needed to or wanted to talk about things? Or is it purely for the sake of happiness. I mean, I'm sure everyone who really knows me knows that I was feeling lonely up here...while I have friends from classes and whatnot that I could hang out with, I'm not really into the whole partying til 2 and getting smashed every weekend....so was he put into my life to this degree just so I could have good, honest, fun company?
I just wish he could see how I want to be there for him..I want to be his rock when he needs solace. I want to be there to make him lunch and dinner (since he's not a breakfast eater and gets sick). I want to do his grocery shopping so he doesn't have to deal with his tummy aching. I want to do his laundry and play video games with him, just so he can get a laugh out of it. I want to be there when he's stressed with law school or work is full of bullshit. I want to learn from him because he is one of the most intelligent people I know. Not only does he know his stuff, but he knows a little bit about everything...which is awesome and sexy. I want to watch basketball games and tailgate with him and his friends...I want to be the one he hasn't just been looking for, but has always dreamed of. I want him to feel loved like he's never been loved before. I want to be "It" for him. I want to do anything and everything that could possibly ever make him happy in life. I want to see the world with him..because God only knows how much fun that would be...especially if it's a road trip...him and all that music he has would be amazing...and hearing his truck start up is a total turn on. Speaking of turn on, I want to be able to show him sexy for the rest of his life. I want to show him things are real. And just because you're with someone for so long, doesn't mean it gets old. I want to show him what a real woman looks like in a corset with leggings and a garter. I want to be his everything and more for the rest of our lives. I just wish he could see how much I want him. How much I'm willing to work for him. For us. For happiness.