southern grandma
SOUTHERN GRANDMA
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the
entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks
her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the
entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks
her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."