2009
Today I felt like writing. I tried to write in a paper journal, but I always have difficulty saying what I want to say in a short amount of time or else my hand gets sore and I end up cutting my thoughts off. Typing is much more up to speed, as one might say.
I woke up, cashed my $111.13 paycheck (fifty to my father, twenty to my mother, and ten to my little brother). I drove around, and parked at Oakland Beach and tried to write with some motivation. The moon was out, and the bridge was lit, the distant shore and horizon were visible. I wrote for ten minutes, and left. I guess I've moved on from that place.
When I was about four years younger, I spent a lot of time there, as well as City Park. Thinking, being alone, imagining. Not anymore.
I've really grown up in the past half-a-year. I've just about changed so much of me, that I hardly know what to expect. Not on purpose, mind you, it's just happened. I feel like my life changed overnight, and one day I woke up and thought, "wow, I am an adult now, and I need to be conscious of that." It's true what they say about hormones; I'm so much more balanced (more or less conditioned) into a calmer, I suppose more patient style of living. I've retained much of my younger spontaneousness, though with a higher level of selection. Walking around Westerly for hours has now turned into driving to Niagara Falls.
I'm unsure if I am truly happy about the changes. I think I need to work on finding out how to maintain certain qualities of myself that I enjoy.
As for 2009, I will say I'm pretty excited about. I spent it in Montreal, drinking liquor in some local bar. It was a very fun night: a ten hour drive there (snow storm, of course), four hours of drinking, six hours of sleep, and seven hours drive back.
I've stopped stressing about school now, as well. I've recently gained an awareness that regardless of what happens, I'll either live or die, and one is just as good as the other. This philosophy has stretched into more areas of my mind and life, so I guess that means I've lowered my stress level in general. As of right now, I'm attending CCRI again. Though, it's funny, I'm taking photo3. I've taken photo 1 & 2 at ccri over the course of the past three years. It's the highest level class I've taken in my college career. :) And I only have class Tues Wed Thurs, so I'll have another four day weekend every week.
I'm trying to not work hard, and get by as easily as I can. It's the most fun. I keep myself busy, though mostly unproductive. I enjoy having days to myself, and the day-after-today free so I don't have to worry about going to work tomorrow and getting to bed early tonight. I like to wake up when I wake up and enjoy my day to the fullest, which is usually what I do. In my own way, in my own world. Like I said, though, I love having time.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my life as far as a career or a job. I see both as being a necessary evil, and try to avoid planning my life and goals around either. I'm pretty much an unskilled worker, and sort of prefer it that way. I guess having a good job (and benefiting from it) would be beneficial, but at the cost of just about half your life.
So for the time being, there isn't too much for me to do but go with the flow. I hope I have the courage to take on as many different and strange adventures as I possibly can (when they arrive). Have some fun, and live honestly.
I woke up, cashed my $111.13 paycheck (fifty to my father, twenty to my mother, and ten to my little brother). I drove around, and parked at Oakland Beach and tried to write with some motivation. The moon was out, and the bridge was lit, the distant shore and horizon were visible. I wrote for ten minutes, and left. I guess I've moved on from that place.
When I was about four years younger, I spent a lot of time there, as well as City Park. Thinking, being alone, imagining. Not anymore.
I've really grown up in the past half-a-year. I've just about changed so much of me, that I hardly know what to expect. Not on purpose, mind you, it's just happened. I feel like my life changed overnight, and one day I woke up and thought, "wow, I am an adult now, and I need to be conscious of that." It's true what they say about hormones; I'm so much more balanced (more or less conditioned) into a calmer, I suppose more patient style of living. I've retained much of my younger spontaneousness, though with a higher level of selection. Walking around Westerly for hours has now turned into driving to Niagara Falls.
I'm unsure if I am truly happy about the changes. I think I need to work on finding out how to maintain certain qualities of myself that I enjoy.
As for 2009, I will say I'm pretty excited about. I spent it in Montreal, drinking liquor in some local bar. It was a very fun night: a ten hour drive there (snow storm, of course), four hours of drinking, six hours of sleep, and seven hours drive back.
I've stopped stressing about school now, as well. I've recently gained an awareness that regardless of what happens, I'll either live or die, and one is just as good as the other. This philosophy has stretched into more areas of my mind and life, so I guess that means I've lowered my stress level in general. As of right now, I'm attending CCRI again. Though, it's funny, I'm taking photo3. I've taken photo 1 & 2 at ccri over the course of the past three years. It's the highest level class I've taken in my college career. :) And I only have class Tues Wed Thurs, so I'll have another four day weekend every week.
I'm trying to not work hard, and get by as easily as I can. It's the most fun. I keep myself busy, though mostly unproductive. I enjoy having days to myself, and the day-after-today free so I don't have to worry about going to work tomorrow and getting to bed early tonight. I like to wake up when I wake up and enjoy my day to the fullest, which is usually what I do. In my own way, in my own world. Like I said, though, I love having time.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my life as far as a career or a job. I see both as being a necessary evil, and try to avoid planning my life and goals around either. I'm pretty much an unskilled worker, and sort of prefer it that way. I guess having a good job (and benefiting from it) would be beneficial, but at the cost of just about half your life.
So for the time being, there isn't too much for me to do but go with the flow. I hope I have the courage to take on as many different and strange adventures as I possibly can (when they arrive). Have some fun, and live honestly.