i'm.tired.of.screwing.up.i'm.tired.of.going.down.i'm.tired.of.myself.i'm.tired.of.this.town.
i wish i knew what i'm going to do with my future. because now i'm like, ok i'm going to double major in english and italian...but what am i going to go to grad school for? i know i want to do something with english, and italian is just a hobby...but what if i'm not a teacher? i feel like there's something else out there except i don't know about it. futures are scary. then i'm all, ok be a professor-get your phd. but that will take six years, and i will be 28 when i'm done with school...still not having a steady job. i want to like be having babies by then. i wish we had more time for this stuff, but the closer you get to 30...the more dangerous having children is. most people are like, no my mom had me at 40 and i'm fine. but my mom had cristina when she was 40, they both almost died in the process, but instead cristina has cerebral palsy. so no, it does not work out for everyone. bleh. and i want like 3-5 kids. stupid scary biological clocks when i'm not even 20 yet. these bodies we have are so f'd up. honestly. speaking of bodies, i wish i could be working out. before i hurt my ankle i was lifting and running and getting stronger and healthier. run-on sentence? but nowww i'm turning to crap, because i can't do much on my ankle. i hate it. i can walk on it, but it bothers me. i tried to ride last week, but while we cantered it started hurting badly. it's not the end of the world, but it sucks a lot. i wanted to be more confident before summer, and now i'm not going to be. i miss going to kickboxing too. ugh. someone lend me an ankle?