Thank God it's fatal
Can I keep it in any longer? I don't think so. I think that one of these I'm just going to burst and it's going to be so loud and bright and beautiful and powerful that he's not going to have a CHOICE but to feel it and to respond honestly and lovingly.
But in truth, despite my locked up woes and desperate states of want and missing I can truly say that I don't know the last time I felt this happy and free. Because for once I'm with someone who just isn't going to hurt me. Point blank. I trust them, I'm learning to love them, and everything is lowkey and perfect and easy. But it's more than that, it's more than the fact that things are working. It's the fact that I have me, and that's all that matters, and I see so clearly that someday my eyes are just going to soak up all the pretty colors and then the rainbows really won't ever stop.
Okay. So sometimes I'm just a little off, a little half mad, but that's okay. I have friends all over the place, people that love me and I actually trust, completely trust, which I haven't been able to say in...years. YEARS. How awful. Thank God high school is over.
And all I can do is thank GOD and ANGELS and GUIDES for placing me here, so strong and growing and beautiful, and for teaching me that all mistakes are just lessons. I know what I want and what I need, and they're both attainable. Actually, I have them. All of them. Except one. But I know that he's just a poison, so farewell.
Funny, we have friends. I wonder what it feels like to not have friends, or real relationships in any way, to not have ANYONE at all. Not really. Not REAL relationships. To be a fucking loser. Damn. That's gotta suck.
Work is great. Life is great. I didn't know that things could be this way, so good for me, and good for us for all succeeding. For BEING GOOD AND DECENT PEOPLE because as it turns out there aren't many of those any more.
That was for you Ash, btw. You're a decent and good person.
I'm traveling soon. Try and stop me. Just go ahead.
I sort of feel like I don't deserve all this good but actually I KNOW that I do. Finally.
But in truth, despite my locked up woes and desperate states of want and missing I can truly say that I don't know the last time I felt this happy and free. Because for once I'm with someone who just isn't going to hurt me. Point blank. I trust them, I'm learning to love them, and everything is lowkey and perfect and easy. But it's more than that, it's more than the fact that things are working. It's the fact that I have me, and that's all that matters, and I see so clearly that someday my eyes are just going to soak up all the pretty colors and then the rainbows really won't ever stop.
Okay. So sometimes I'm just a little off, a little half mad, but that's okay. I have friends all over the place, people that love me and I actually trust, completely trust, which I haven't been able to say in...years. YEARS. How awful. Thank God high school is over.
And all I can do is thank GOD and ANGELS and GUIDES for placing me here, so strong and growing and beautiful, and for teaching me that all mistakes are just lessons. I know what I want and what I need, and they're both attainable. Actually, I have them. All of them. Except one. But I know that he's just a poison, so farewell.
Funny, we have friends. I wonder what it feels like to not have friends, or real relationships in any way, to not have ANYONE at all. Not really. Not REAL relationships. To be a fucking loser. Damn. That's gotta suck.
Work is great. Life is great. I didn't know that things could be this way, so good for me, and good for us for all succeeding. For BEING GOOD AND DECENT PEOPLE because as it turns out there aren't many of those any more.
That was for you Ash, btw. You're a decent and good person.
I'm traveling soon. Try and stop me. Just go ahead.
I sort of feel like I don't deserve all this good but actually I KNOW that I do. Finally.