41.
1. This week.. has been interesting. I had a blind date with a fucking 6'5" sorceror who apparently doesn't have any spells for hygiene. He spent all day talking about killing people and telling me stories about his friends, who are equally fucked up. On top of this, he said if he ever caught me cheating on him, he'd murder me! Yes, awesome way to secure a second date. I turned him down when he asked me out, and he wants nothing to do with me. OH NOES. Secondly, Richard came over a few days ago, and we literally just had a Rock Band marathon punctuated only by Audiosurf and ice cream, which kind of sums up our relationship in general. We only talk about video games, seriously. Either way, it was nice having someone excellent on drums to accompany my awesomeness on guitar. Nerrrrds.
2. My nonrelationship with Paul's going to die soon. I can feel it. We're running out of things to talk about. Despite getting along really well and us both being fairly laid-back about this all, it's getting a bit tedious (at least for me) so I don't see it going on much longer. We also have this set pattern: he picks me up, we go out and do something, always followed by a stop at a bar where he gets a beer and I get a rum and coke, and then we head back to his place. I'm mostly okay with it, but it's like single-serving dates. I don't want a relationship with him by any means, but it's weird doing everything I'd do with a boyfriend with him and having it add up to nothing.
3. HURF DURF I am tired of this all. Things are moving so slowly in my life right now because all time's dedicated to my grandfather being in the hospital. I've been refusing to think about it because it's actually exceedingly depressing and I'd like to not be a wreck all the time. I'd really just like him to get better and be back in our house and all, but fucking nine months for estimated recovery.. He's so in and out of it because of the drugs he's on and seeing him in the hospital was quite possibly one of the worst things ever. I've seen every one of my grandparents in the hospital, some for extended periods of time, but this is by far the worst. I grew up with my grandfather living with us. He was my only father figure for ten years (and still is closer to a father to me than anyone else) meaning I'm going to fucking lose it when he's gone. And at 92, you're constantly wondering what's going to do it, when it's going to happen. This is depressing, so I'm gonna move on now.
4. My lack of willpower's kicking my ass in two different ways. To put it bluntly, I'm drinking too much and I'm refusing to let change enter my life. The first isn't as much of a problem as it could be, which is nice, but I've been drunk almost every night for the past week and a half. The second though, is more problematic, as I can't accept change when it smacks me in the face. I spent a good deal of time working things out so certain people were out of my life completely, and now I miss one of them so much that I'm finding it really hard to not talk to him. This can and will get me into trouble, probably very soon. \m/
2. My nonrelationship with Paul's going to die soon. I can feel it. We're running out of things to talk about. Despite getting along really well and us both being fairly laid-back about this all, it's getting a bit tedious (at least for me) so I don't see it going on much longer. We also have this set pattern: he picks me up, we go out and do something, always followed by a stop at a bar where he gets a beer and I get a rum and coke, and then we head back to his place. I'm mostly okay with it, but it's like single-serving dates. I don't want a relationship with him by any means, but it's weird doing everything I'd do with a boyfriend with him and having it add up to nothing.
3. HURF DURF I am tired of this all. Things are moving so slowly in my life right now because all time's dedicated to my grandfather being in the hospital. I've been refusing to think about it because it's actually exceedingly depressing and I'd like to not be a wreck all the time. I'd really just like him to get better and be back in our house and all, but fucking nine months for estimated recovery.. He's so in and out of it because of the drugs he's on and seeing him in the hospital was quite possibly one of the worst things ever. I've seen every one of my grandparents in the hospital, some for extended periods of time, but this is by far the worst. I grew up with my grandfather living with us. He was my only father figure for ten years (and still is closer to a father to me than anyone else) meaning I'm going to fucking lose it when he's gone. And at 92, you're constantly wondering what's going to do it, when it's going to happen. This is depressing, so I'm gonna move on now.
4. My lack of willpower's kicking my ass in two different ways. To put it bluntly, I'm drinking too much and I'm refusing to let change enter my life. The first isn't as much of a problem as it could be, which is nice, but I've been drunk almost every night for the past week and a half. The second though, is more problematic, as I can't accept change when it smacks me in the face. I spent a good deal of time working things out so certain people were out of my life completely, and now I miss one of them so much that I'm finding it really hard to not talk to him. This can and will get me into trouble, probably very soon. \m/