letter to yourself...

[110cesar]

from the outside looking in you look strong, confident and unshakable. so why do you not do all the things you know you need to do? youve been running in circles for the last couple years, do you not realize the world is waiting for you to grow up? where is the man you promised her you'd be? where is the big brother you need to be? are you a leader of words? you know they emulate your every move and if they could they would shadow you every step of your everyday. would they be impressed or would you be another one of the jokers they see day in and day out? what are you waiting for boy, the 40yr wall where everyone realizes their life has been one mediocre excuse after another? what do you want to be when you finally get 'there'? do you even know where 'it' is? is 'it' not every step between here and there? youve been through too much shit and seen too many deaths to act like this is all a damn joke. grow out of your fear of failure and realize that you will only get moving when youre no longer afraid to fail. do you not remember that youre not great because of your lack of failure, but because of your unwaivering perseverance? where did the man go that raised two younger brothers? where did the man go that was his moms best friend through all the years? did you lose him in a keg or a bottle of bacardi? did the loser ass girls that didnt even deserve your attention kill him? find him. you know where you belong and you know the expectations laid out before you. not by anyone else but by yourself. you know you were made for amazing, unbelievable accomplishments, how many of those have you seen? your life is a fifth of the way through, how much more will you accomplish in the next 4/5s? who are you trying to impress? because you know all those people dont matter. are you a man because other people see you as one? or are you the man you want to be because you know who you are? whose approval are you trying to gain, youve never needed anyones, so why seek it now? where are you going and how are you getting there? are you afraid to fail? oh well. if you fall flat on your face and are the embarrassment of the year, what will you do? will you puss out and play dead, or will you get up and keep running? did you go through all the trials in your life only to give up after an insignificant set back? who will you be in five years? in ten? will you be proud of yourself then? cause thats all that matters. so what if you took a different path? get there how you get there, as long as you get there.

you are strong, confident and unshakable from the inside out. you have too much riding on your shoulders, on your life to become a failure. you have too much expected out of you to let them all down. you have too many people counting you out to fail. youve overcome too much and you have seen too much and have grown up too much to fail. you have too many people watching you to let them down. you know who you were born to be and you know what you were raised to be. quit your bullshit and get it done. not when you get around to it. not when this happens or that happens. life has never given you anything outside of your own ability to get it done and thats not changing today. youre too much of a hardass to let yourself down, cause at the end of the day thats the only person you need to impress. and im not impressed. not strong enough, not fast enough, not smart enough, not resilient enough and most certainly not accomplished enough. impress me, cause im the only one that matters.

...this journal is mine and you need not post if you only have bullshit to say...