(no subject)
Moe's mom read my cards last night.
Sometimes things aren't meant to be.
It came up that I felt betrayed. I was thinking about this later on in the night. I realized that I don't feel betrayed by him, but rather I feel that I betrayed myself. I wasn't as careful with him as I am with the other guys I have dated; I felt no reason to be suspicious of his motives. He wasn't giving me any reason whatsoever to think that he was a bad person. So, I let him get close, and I refused to let myself think too deeply into what was happening. As a result, for a whole week I've felt wicked shitty. Maybe if I didn't let my guard down, maybe if I had been careful, I would be able to just move on.
Which is something else that came up in the reading, I shouldn't blame myself for anything that happened. I know that it was no one's fault, things just didn't work out. I could have done the whole thing differently, and still, it never would have worked because we wouldn't be happy together. It wasn't meant to be.
One other thing really stands out from that reading, and it's something that he and I talked about, is that I need to start letting people in. I've been told a couple times that I'm hard to really get to know. Even he said he didn't feel like he ever got to see who i really am. I'm starting to realize that I always keep some part of myself a secret, and it's usually my emotions. I won't let you in. Letting you in will cause me to get hurt. I'm sick of feeling hurt. I used to be very weak, I used to tell anyone and everyone my problems, everything I felt. I don't want to be that girl anymore. She was dependant, needy, and so fucking sad. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
As happy as he made me, things just weren't meant to be.
I USED to be very, very sad. But I'm not capable any more of hurting the way I used to because sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
Maybe then I can learn how to let other people in.
Sometimes things aren't meant to be.
It came up that I felt betrayed. I was thinking about this later on in the night. I realized that I don't feel betrayed by him, but rather I feel that I betrayed myself. I wasn't as careful with him as I am with the other guys I have dated; I felt no reason to be suspicious of his motives. He wasn't giving me any reason whatsoever to think that he was a bad person. So, I let him get close, and I refused to let myself think too deeply into what was happening. As a result, for a whole week I've felt wicked shitty. Maybe if I didn't let my guard down, maybe if I had been careful, I would be able to just move on.
Which is something else that came up in the reading, I shouldn't blame myself for anything that happened. I know that it was no one's fault, things just didn't work out. I could have done the whole thing differently, and still, it never would have worked because we wouldn't be happy together. It wasn't meant to be.
One other thing really stands out from that reading, and it's something that he and I talked about, is that I need to start letting people in. I've been told a couple times that I'm hard to really get to know. Even he said he didn't feel like he ever got to see who i really am. I'm starting to realize that I always keep some part of myself a secret, and it's usually my emotions. I won't let you in. Letting you in will cause me to get hurt. I'm sick of feeling hurt. I used to be very weak, I used to tell anyone and everyone my problems, everything I felt. I don't want to be that girl anymore. She was dependant, needy, and so fucking sad. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
As happy as he made me, things just weren't meant to be.
I USED to be very, very sad. But I'm not capable any more of hurting the way I used to because sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
Maybe then I can learn how to let other people in.