SGA: One of Those Days All Week
Title: One of Those Days All Week
Author: mad_maudlin
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: "The Hot Zone," "The Hive/Lost Boys," "The Shrine," fifth season cast
Summary: Rodney has a bad day. A bad day that's one hundred and sixty-eight hours long.
A/n: So Linziday, astridv, and less_star all wished for Rodney whump and exhaustion. Von tut. All research for this fic conducted at Erowid.com, where people alter their minds so you don't have to. If you're curious, I assume a starting time of 6 am on a Monday morning.
One of Those Days All Week
By Mad Maudlin
Hour 1: Wake up. Remember why you are waking up. Curse Sheppard and drag self from bed. While brushing teeth, obtain blinding insight into the thing with the stuff and attempt to email Zelenka; dribble toothpaste on laptop and swear in frustration, which really only exacerbates the problem.
Hour 2: While removing individual keys tops (23) from laptop for cleaning, receive radio summons from Sheppard asking if you intend to join the rest of the team for breakfast this century or will be heading straight to the mission briefing. Swear some more with your microphone switched off, until you remember it's pancake day. Rush to mess hall; eat pancakes (numerous).
Hour 3: Mission briefing. M5T-344 is Pelannapuri, culled nearly a year ago, but rumor has it the survivors have, well, survived and are making a go of rebuilding. Ignore three-fifths of what Woolsey says while doodling diagrams of the stuff with the whatchamacallit until he asks you a question; insert boilerplate explanation of why you are too smart to help with spring planting and unless there's any Ancient technology laying around you'd rather stay home. Reactions: eyerolls (2), snort (1), disappointed downturn of the mouth (1). Ass successfully covered.
Hour 4: Gear up and actually leave for Pelannapuri after the MALP confirms a lack of flooding or bogeymen. Offworld conditions: sunny and bucolic with a high in the low teens (11-15). "The fifties," Sheppard corrects; treat everyone to a detailed explanation of the metric system and why normal countries use it. Begin searching for village.
Hour 5: Continue searching for village.
Hour 6: Suggest it may be advisable to return to Atlantis for a jumper, or better yet, a UAV that can search for the village for them, since obviously the geography and habitation patterns have changed since Teyla was here last and they do not actually know where they're going and it's lunchtime. Reactions: raised eyebrows (1), snort (1), "Nice try, McKay" (1). Suggestion fails.
Shortly thereafter, find village.
Hour 7: Enjoy modest tea with leaders of the Pelann. Ignore three-fifths of their sob story about surviving the culling and the standard trade negotiations; instead, examine pastries for signs of citrus.
Hour 8: Learn that while you were dissecting a pastry, you were volunteered to help repair steam-driven farm equipment. While taking inventory of required replacement parts with local youth, plot revenge.
Hours 9-10: Beat things with hammers. Plot elaborate revenge.
Hour 12: Demand break for dinner. Discover Sheppard and Ronon have gone back to the gate to request a mission extension into the next day and Teyla has been negotiating a long-term exchange of experts for a cut of next fall's harvest. Inform everyone that you have successfully brought one (1) tractor into operating condition by harvesting parts from the other three (3); dine to appropriate level of appreciation.
Hour 13: Attempt to check in with Sheppard re: extending your exile. Fail to raise either him or Ronon. Notify Teyla, and configure scanner for life signs. Locate instead unstable energy signature. Attempt to zero in on source of energy signature while Teyla attempts to get answer out of Pelann more informative that "Duhr what?" Wander around town in vain attempt to triangulate energy signature; fail to raise either teammate on second or third attempts.
Hour 14: After explaining at length why the energy signature is probably a bad thing, take up local youth on offer of help search the forest between here and the gate. Discuss with Teyla, who agrees that it certainly won't hurt. Split up and make particularly snotty youth carry lantern while you follow the scanner readings towards energy signature (as odds that Sheppard accidentally turned something on and caused havoc approach one).
Shortly thereafter, get struck upon on the head by snotty youth, tied up, and dragged away.
Hours 15-16: Get dragged through forest, into mineshaft, across small underground lake (via particularly un-sea-worthy raft) and into Ancient laboratory, all by local youth, who also gag you and take your radio and weapons. Silently, swear revenge.
Face Pelann leader, who did not seem quite so menacing over tea. Leader explains that this "Shrine of the Ancestors" protected some of their people during past cullings and she wants you to fix it; inform her that she could've just asked. Get struck upon the head. Attempt to explain why that is a singularly bad idea if they actually do want you to accomplish anything. Get struck again. Point out that Atlantis will send rescue party. Get struck a third (3) time; Pelann leader says, "We could bring one of your friends to you if you require an incentive."
Agree to have a look at the temple, but caution that you can't make promises because genius != omnipotent (as easy as that mistake is to make).
Hour 17: Discover that you standing in one (1) Aurora-class warship, which has been buried underground for some time. Explain to Pelann leaders that ship's shields were reconfigured to project a substantial bubble aboveground, which is why they could be activated to protect the village, but either the ZPM has been drained or, more likely, the ship has suffered fatal damage after several thousand years buried in the side of a mountain. Leader orders you to fix it. Explain in small words that you may not be able to fix it because not even Atlantis has spare warships lying about to cannibalize for parts. Leader offers "incentive" again. Ask leader when you are supposed to sleep, as wakefulness now approaching eighteen (18) hours and you are a physicist, not a robot.
Take one (1) small blue pill upon orders of the Pelann. In absence of immediate anaphylaxis, get to work.
Hours 18-23: Primary effect of the stimulant seems to be a slight carbonation of your brain. Evaluate damage to warship, which is extensive and well-night catastrophic, and explain to leader (1), guards (3) and Pelann technician-acolytes (2) that the computer is corrupted, the power distribution system is damaged, and one of the shield generators may have actually flooded. Leader asks how it will take to fix. Suggest months. Get hit. Suggest weeks. Get hit again. Say you can do it in a week if you don't stop to sleep or eat or maintain personal hygiene, assuming of course that you don't come up against irreparable damage to an irreplaceable part.
Take another (1) small blue pill. Begin issuing instructions to technician-acolytes.
Hour 26: Realize you have no idea where hours 24 and 25 went. Designate technician-acolytes (4) as Alice, Bob, Carole and Don because you can't remember their actual names, despite the fact that they are all male. Send them all on errands and attempt to divert power to the communications array so as to contact Atlantis if at all possible.
Hour 27: Finally realize the reason you can't divert power to the communications array is that there isn't one; it was destroyed long before you got here. Technician-acolytes return; send them on other, different errands. Curse fate.
Hours 28-30: Attempt to patch fatal errors in operating system with things you remember from DOS. After serious dizzy spell, send acolytes for sandwiches. Eat two (2) sandwiches with three (3) small blue pills. Wonder why Atlantis rescue squad has not appeared yet; theorize that the ship's hull is interfering with your subcutaneous transmitter. Spend thirty minutes designing better transmitter system before you remember what you're actually supposed to be doing and why
Hour 31: Demand more sandwiches. Get hit, again.
Hour 32: Re-designate acolytes as Rimmer, Lister, Kryten and Cat when they bring you more sandwiches (2). Scrap large sections of base code; set about inventing new programming language.
Hour 33: Explain to Pelann Leader that you have to create a new programming language and she is wasting your time. Get hit, several times, and reminded about goals and "incentives." Find blunt trauma curiously non-painful.
Hours 34-37: Activate new operating system, which immediately crashes; begin to hyperventilate when you realize this means life support isn't functioning, until you remember that life support was never functioning, which means that the fresh air had to be coming in from somewhere, unless there was no fresh air and the sandwiches were all a hypoxia-induced hallucination.
Eventually, get a grip on yourself.
Accomplish Ancient version of "restore from last known good configuration" and start over on the patches. Receive dinner of sandwiches (2), soup (1 cup), and one (1) large blue pill.
Hour 38: After pissing out kidneys and experiencing another dizzy spell, think to ask what exactly is in the blue pills. Get hit.
Hours 39-41: Rehydrate while patching code. Formulate grandiose escape plans until distracted by color of blinking lights; get hit whenever guard notices you're not typing. Inform guards that hitting someone this heavily medicated will do nothing towards their goals. Get hit again.
Hour 42: Begin yawning uncontrollably while attempting to explain to acolytes (Hewie, Dewey, Louie and You…ee) how to manually reroute power around things that are likely to explode. Receive one (1) large blue pill and one (1) small blue pill from guards; find yourself unable to hold a glass of water due to shaky hands. Dry-swallow pills when guard suggests taking them as a suppository.
Hours 43-45: Don't remember. Probably involved multiple trips to the chamber pot, which has a truly beautiful beveled edge.
Hour 46: Attempt to manually reroute power because acolytes are clearly morons; have trouble reading schematics clearly. Still do it faster and more accurately.
Hours 47 and 48: Eat one (1) sandwich and two (2) large blue pills with approximately two (2) liters of water. The water tastes funny. Get hit again for complaining.
Hour 49: Spot something moving from the corner of your eye. Attempt to follow it. Get hit for abandoning your console. Attempt to hit back. This turns out to be bad idea.
Hour 50: Send acolytes (who may be different from the original acolytes, so you start calling them after Ninja Turtles) to search for replacement crystals. Explain what kind of crystals four times because they are morons and insist you are slurring your words when you are clearly not. Also instruct Donatello to find your Ibuprofen stash, as black eye makes it difficult to monitor power fluctuations.
Hour 51: Start your own search for replacement crystals because the Turtles are so damn slow. There's definitely something else in this ship that is not the guard and it's following you.
Hour 52: Donatello comes back with a small yellow pill that is not Ibuprofen but helps your eye anyway. This is important, as all primary routers explode.
Hour 53: Explain to Pelann leader that you didn't have anything to do with the explosions, except to the extent that you did, because the routers would've been just fine for another ten thousand years if you hadn't tried to pump power through them but as it is they were more damaged than you thought and the Ninja Turtles are not competent to tell you so and this would all be going so much better if you could just bring people from Atlantis to help. Except you get hit before you get to "Atlantis." Leader mentions "incentives" again and it takes you a few minutes to remember what that means.
Hour 54: Ingest one (1) yellow pill, two (2) large blue pills and one (1) small blue pill, along with another two (2) liters of water. See dark shapes gliding through the smoke, but dismiss them as optical illusions…
Hour 55: …unless, you realize, this ship was carrying some version of the original nanite weapon when it crashed, in which case you and the guards and the Ninja Turtles are all going to have exploding brain aneurysms soon. Attempt to explain this to guard. Get hit some more. Remember that you have the gene and decide you wouldn't mind the guard getting an exploding aneurysm so much.
Hour 56: Everyone around you fails to get exploding aneurysms. Suspect that the blue pills are affecting your judgment.
Hours 57 and 58: Take another yellow pill (1) and another small blue pill (1) and get the shakes for fifteen minutes. Try to explain arrhythmia to the guard, who hits you again. Desperately try to get life support online because you suspect that you are going to run out of air at any moment, only to be distracted by a particularly ugly piece of code that you eventually realize you wrote yourself approximately 24 hours ago.
Hour 59: Temporarily lose feeling in your extremities. Complain to guard. Guard actually fetches a Pelann healer for you, who claims that it's just hyperventilation and gives you one (1) green pill and two (2) yellow ones.
Hour 60: Bring power grid back online. Nothing explodes, though you wish it would.
Hours 61-64: Don't clearly remember, except that Winken, Blinken, Nod and Other One bring you another sandwich but you don't eat it. Instead you take the following cocktail of pills: green (1), yellow (2), large blue (2), and small blue (3). Bolt three (3) liters of water and then have stomach cramps.
Hour 65: Begin work on waterlogged shield generator, which is full of Iratus insects on the inside. Run screaming down the corridor until tackled by guard, who threatens to break your legs if you try that again. Guard does not seem perturbed by Iratus bugs. Make Winken remove all crystals for testing, on grounds that if bugs attack, you like him the least.
Hour 66: Test all crystals from shield generator while making additional patches to operating system while eating half a sandwich while explaining the principle of field oscillation to Blinken while attempting to convert a long range sensor into a primitive radio antenna so that you can attempt some kind of signal to Atlantis because they seriously should've sent the rescue party by now to save you unless they're all dead which is entirely possible because when you say that the city would sink without your daily intervention people just think that you're kidding.
Hour 67: Forget what you're doing, mid-sentence.
Hour 68: Hallucinate Aiden Ford coming at you with a syringe and throw things at him until he turns into the guard. Get beat up some more, followed by three (3) yellow pills. Decide you wouldn't actually mind some of the enzyme right now, because at least with that the heart palpitations didn't start until after you had a chance to beat people up.
Hour 69: Finish secret sensor modifications. Attempt to start broadcasting SOS. Blow up secondary router instead. Laugh about this for twenty minutes straight.
Hour 70: After crossing a small pine forest to get to the chamber pot, discover that your skin is turning yellow and you're pissing blood. Guard summons healer again, who gives you one (1) large red pill and two (2) small green ones. Also forced to eat other half of sandwich and drink one (1) liter of water.
Hour 72: Attempt to reconstruct hour 71 from the last three screens of code you entered. Fail.
Hour 73: Take more pills. They are many different colors and sizes, but not the same color or size any two times you look at them. Remind Pelann healer that you have high blood pressure and allergies, though you secretly suspect that you are producing so much natural adrenaline at the moment that you wouldn't need an Epi-pen.
Hour 74: Shield generator no longer inhabited by Iratus bugs. That just means they've infested the whole of the ship. Receive electrical burn, second (2) degree, four (4) centimeters in diameter while mounting crystals; feel alarmingly little pain.
Hour 75: Attempt to activate shields with no success. Try to explain the eleven different possible causes of the problem to Pelann Leader, but for the first ever time are unable to speak fast enough to keep up with your train of thought. After the fact, realize that you can't even remember all eleven possible causes; suspect that eleventh is really an illusion.
Hours 76-80: Become Batman. Now that you have successfully lulled the Pelann into a false sense of security, attempt to trigger self-destruct sequence and flee the ship with the stolen diamonds they so cleverly disguised as control crystals. Are hampered by constant twitching and lack of utility belt. Guard wrestles you to the ground and hits you a lot, then holds you there until the healer comes with several more green pills.
Hour 81: Realize that you are still yellow. Realize that you can reroute through secondary systems to get around damage-control fail safes that are interfering with shield activation. Realize that you are not Batman.
Hour 82: Demand acolytes color-code themselves if they're going to keep changing their faces when you're not looking.
Hour 83: Hallucinate a rescue team from Atlantis. You know they're a hallucination because they're being led by Carter and they're mostly naked. Finish rerouting shields but forget why you were doing it.
Hour 84: Take another cup full of pills and immediately vomit them right back up. Get hit by guard, even though you explain you didn't do it on purpose. Entire body now feels carbonated.
Real rescue team from Atlantis arrives; hallucinate that they are Storm Troopers and attempt to hide in a closet. Inform Storm Troopers that you are not the droid they're looking for until one reveals himself to be Sheppard in disguise. Warn them about Ford and the Iratus bugs as they help you to the puddle jumper, where you have to lay down on the floor because the chairs and benches are moving too much.
Hour 85: Arrive back in Atlantis, which is mysteriously vibrating. Jennifer asks you what has happened; try to tell her about the Iratus bugs but are overcome by the suspicion that you have been speaking French the entire time without noticing it. Jennifer takes your pulse and suggests that you need tranquilizers and should not be walking to the infirmary on your own power.
Hour 86: In infirmary, experience most painful blood draw ever, followed by most painful IV ever and most painful catheter ever. Jennifer gives you two (2) small white tablets and hooks you up to a heart monitor. She tells you relax. She's got a snake around her neck.
Hours 87-88: Utterly fail to relax. Visits from Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla and Woolsey, who speak about something to do with tractors and something to do with youth groups that does not make sense to you. Suspect they are communicating in code.
Hour 89: Ask night nurse what was in those small white tablets. She tells you Ativan. You do not believe her. Remove catheter and IV while she is not looking, because they hurt, and you haven't peed in several hours anyway.
Hour 90: Upon reflection, decide that Jennifer did not give you small white tablets, she gave you small blue pills disguised as small white tablets. Attempt to flee the infirmary. Make it ten feet from the door before you forget where you're going; get chased by large hairy man who claims to be Ronon but is clearly not, because Ronon would never sit on you.
Hour 91: The restraints itch. Cannot scratch. Try to tell night nurse about it. Nurse does not seem interested.
Hour 92: Shadows start moving. Remember nanite virus. Attempt to explain it to night nurse, who offers you more small white tablets. Ask how the small blue pills are going to stop your brain from exploding. When the nurse asks why you called the small white tablets small blue pills, you can't remember.
Hours 94 and 95: Wait for brain to explode. Twitch.
Hour 96: Attempt to reconfigure heart monitor to produce an EMP. Get put in different restraints.
Hour 97: Sheppard comes to visit and asks why you're in restraints. Explain your hallucinations and ask for EMP generator just to be on the safe side. Also point out Iratus bugs on the ceiling, which upsets him for some reason. He attempts to tell you about rescue mission but begins speaking French partway through.
Hour 98: Jennifer attempts to give you more small white tablets, but you refuse to take them. Instead she gives you a shot and asks you to relax.
Hours 99-101: Sleep. Or maybe not. Either you're dreaming about the Ewoks or they're a very vivid hallucination.
Hour 102: Have full-blown panic attack despite the fact that you have nothing against Ewoks. Jennifer gives you another shot and offers lunch. Do not want lunch; want armed escort.
Hours 103 and 104: Don't remember. Blame Ewoks.
Hour 105: Have bold new insight about the thing with the stuff. Demand laptop with which to record this insight. Nurse loosens your restraints; begin to type.
Hour 106: Still typing.
Hour 107: Finish typing. Email to Zelenka.
Teyla comes to see you and apologizes for letting the Pelann kidnap you and drug you and hurt you. Point out that it does not hurt very much, except for when you move or talk or think too hard. Teyla and Jennifer talk in hallway; conclude they are planning to inject you with something, possibly enzyme.
Hour 108: Zelenka comes by with twelve pages of printed, single-spaced text without paragraph breaks or punctuation. He asks you to explain it to him. Try, but keep forgetting to finish your sentences.
Hours 109-110: Sleep. Or don't. Ford is chasing you through the infirmary with a syringe either way. At least the restraints do not prevent you from flying.
Hour 111: Jennifer checks on you again and tries to give you another shot. Beg her not to because of what happened the last time you took the enzyme. She says she's only drawing blood; don't actually believe her.
Hour 112: Get out your laptop again; try to write letters to Jeannie. Cannot focus on screen or keyboard.
Hour 113: Stare at the ceiling; notice the Iratus bugs, if they were ever there, are gone.
Hour 114: Watch hand twitch.
Hour 115: Watch legs twitch.
Hour 116: Restraints still itch, but since your arms were loosened up to type you can scratch them. Begin scratching
Hour 117: After substantial scratching (10,436 strokes) night nurse points out that you are bleeding and tightens restraints. You hadn't noticed.
Hour 118: Start humming your favorite Chopin etudes. Eventually switch over to "Rage Over A Lost Penny," which you performed at a recital when you were eight to general acclaim even if you never particularly liked Beethoven and your teacher said you didn't express rage so much as irritation and your father didn't come like he said he would. The night nurse does not find this story engaging.
Hours 119-120: Don't sleep, but lie very still and quiet and enjoy the fuzzy halos around everything.
Hour 121: Sheppard and Ronon come by and ask how you are. Tell them you are very tired and didn't pee all day, which is bad, although at the moment another kidney stone is really the least of your concerns. Jennifer comes over and takes more blood and promises you won't get any more shots or pills or tablets until you start peeing again and/or get less yellow. You are surprised that the yellow was not entirely a hallucination, and request confirmation about the Iratus bugs as well.
Hour 122: Sheppard comes back with breakfast and a letter from Chuck that solemnly swears there are no Iratus bugs. Eat half a pancake and puke while he holds the bedpan under your chin and then wipes the puke off because you're still in restraints. Apologize to Sheppard.
Hour 123: Continue apologizing to Sheppard.
Hour 124: Even though Sheppard has left, continue apologizing.
Hour 125: Maybe sleep some more. Maybe not. You kind of want another shot even if it is enzyme, since at least enzyme would make you less tired, and maybe kind of happy.
Hour 126: Jennifer tries to get you to eat oatmeal for lunch. Eat two tablespoons, nearly vomit, and give up. Apologize to Jennifer.
Hour 127: Continue apologizing to Jennifer. She tells you to stop. Get very angry and cover head with blanket.
Hours 128-130: Refuse to speak to anyone. Refuse to eat afternoon snack. Refuse to remove blanket. Attempt to kick a nurse.
Hour 131: Jennifer apologizes to you and starts telling you about how she once took an Adderall while studying for an exam but it gave her the shakes so badly she swore to never try it again. Tell her about how you beat people up on the enzyme and it was awesome until you passed out.
Hour 132: For the first time in at least two days, pee. It is such a relief that you manage to keep down half a sandwich and a glass of juice. Temporarily panic over whether or not the juice contained citrus, because it is green and you can't always keep track of the green juice, but Jennifer assures you that it's okay. When anaphylaxis fails to set in, decide you believe her.
Hours 133-134: Possibly approach sleep. Note that the city is no longer vibrating. Also, you kind of hurt all over.
Hour 135: Ask nurse to read you your email, but concentration is shot. Instead ask nurse to bring your iPod.
Hour 136: Sheppard bring your iPod and feigns excitement to learn that you peed. Comments that you are less yellow. Together, convince the night nurse to undo your restraints. Make Sheppard listen to favorite Chopin etudes; tell "Rage Over a Lost Penny" story again but lost concentration partway through and start the etudes over.
Hours 137-138: Play Spider Solitaire. Win six percent (6%) of games on Easy. Blame computer, as there is clearly something wrong with the display or else it wouldn't be so fuzzy, and erase scores to protect reputation.
Hour 139: Forget why you are in the infirmary and wander out into the hall. Night nurse puts you back to bed.
Hour 140: Forget why you are in the infirmary and make it all the way to the mess hall before you remember that it is night time; go onto balcony to watch stars move. Security patrol walks you back to infirmary and the night nurse threatens you with restraints again.
Hours 141-145: Don't remember. Sleep? It doesn't feel like sleep. Your iPod battery is dead.
Hour 146: Eat breakfast. It stays down. Jennifer says you can leave the infirmary and gives you small pink tablets and tells you to sleep. Teyla takes you to her quarters; watch Torren's puddle-jumper mobile while she mediates.
Hour 147: Try to meditate with Teyla. Keep thinking of the thing with the stuff instead. Attempt to dictate letter to Jeannie but lose concentration after "I got kidnapped and thought I was Batman."
Hour 148: Go to lab with Teyla. Radek shows you twelve pages of gibberish with paragraph breaks and punctuation drawn in and tries to explain it to you. Watch the equations on the white board move instead.
Hour 149: Woolsey stops by lab to ask how you are feeling. Realize after five minutes that he is waiting for an answer. Tell him you are very tired and still slightly yellow. Woolsey leaves.
Hour 150: Ronon visits; go to lunch with him. Sheppard and Teyla bring you a tray and remind you that you are eating lunch when you forget.
Hours 151-153: Go to your quarters, with Ronon following you just in case; lie down on the bed and watch the air particles vibrate. Really, really want to sleep.
Hour 154: Don't remember. Definitely not sleep.
Hour 155: Find yourself in a hallway. Cannot immediately identify which hallway. Major Lorne asks you where you are going and takes you to Sheppard's office when you can't answer him. Sheppard is surprised to see you but lets you lie down on his office couch for a while.
Hour 156: Something flies by your head. Jump up and look around in case it's an Iratus bug. Sheppard looks guilty and retrieves his paper airplane from behind the couch. He walks you to mess hall for dinner. Dinner may or may not be attempting to escape plate.
Hour 157: Don't remember this one either. Definitely not sleep.
Hour 158: Sitting in Sheppard's quarters watching a movie. Don't know which movie. Teyla and Ronon are with you. Ask which movie and don't recognize the title. Cannot focus on the screen anyway.
Hour 159: Movie is over. Sheppard starts a new movie.
Hour 160: Don't remember.
Hour 161: New movie is also over and Sheppard is practicing guitar. Tune it for him, while verbally expressing surprise that you are still capable of doing so. Ronon starts playing Satedan marching hymns.
Hours 162-163: Don't remember. Growing increasingly alarmed by this. Suspect hideous brain parasite. Again.
Hour 164: Back in own quarters. Sheppard is setting up chess board. Ask how you got here. Sheppard says, "By the power of elves." You point out that this is not funny to a man who has not slept in the last seven days and go lay on the bed with a pillow over your head.
Hour 165: Get up and start moving pieces randomly around the chessboard. Sheppard is going through your iPod and criticizing your taste in music. Point out that your taste in music has endured for centuries while Johnny Cash had to cover Nine Inch Nails to stay relevant. Endure glare.
Hour 166: Notice the jumbled pile of key tops sitting next to your laptop and demand to know what happened to your computer. Sheppard doesn't know. Attempt to sort keys, but are unable to recognize letters. Sheppard takes keys away from you. Start pacing from balcony to door.
Hour 167: After fourteen circuits of room, Sheppard forces you into bathroom with clean pajamas on the grounds that you smell bad. Brush teeth for just the second time all week; decide now is probably not the best time to shave, even though you are starting to look like a crazed hermit. No longer seem particularly yellow.
Hour 168: Sheppard tells you how he and Ronon got attacked by the Pelann and ran around the gate for a long time and then rescued Teyla but they couldn’t find you even with a jumper until they got a local youth to confess your location. Tell Sheppard about the Iratus bugs and Ford and the Ninja Turtles and the guard that kept punching you and how it didn't hurt until it hurt. Also tell him that you're very tired. He finds the small pink tablets and makes you take one (1), just one (1), because Jennifer wouldn't give you anything dangerous after all the other pharmaceuticals you've had sloshing around in your bloodstream, right?
Take one. Lay down.
Hour 169: Sleep.
(Hour Unknown: Wake up. Use bathroom. Eat an entire MRE. Sleep again.)
Author: mad_maudlin
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: "The Hot Zone," "The Hive/Lost Boys," "The Shrine," fifth season cast
Summary: Rodney has a bad day. A bad day that's one hundred and sixty-eight hours long.
A/n: So Linziday, astridv, and less_star all wished for Rodney whump and exhaustion. Von tut. All research for this fic conducted at Erowid.com, where people alter their minds so you don't have to. If you're curious, I assume a starting time of 6 am on a Monday morning.
One of Those Days All Week
By Mad Maudlin
Hour 1: Wake up. Remember why you are waking up. Curse Sheppard and drag self from bed. While brushing teeth, obtain blinding insight into the thing with the stuff and attempt to email Zelenka; dribble toothpaste on laptop and swear in frustration, which really only exacerbates the problem.
Hour 2: While removing individual keys tops (23) from laptop for cleaning, receive radio summons from Sheppard asking if you intend to join the rest of the team for breakfast this century or will be heading straight to the mission briefing. Swear some more with your microphone switched off, until you remember it's pancake day. Rush to mess hall; eat pancakes (numerous).
Hour 3: Mission briefing. M5T-344 is Pelannapuri, culled nearly a year ago, but rumor has it the survivors have, well, survived and are making a go of rebuilding. Ignore three-fifths of what Woolsey says while doodling diagrams of the stuff with the whatchamacallit until he asks you a question; insert boilerplate explanation of why you are too smart to help with spring planting and unless there's any Ancient technology laying around you'd rather stay home. Reactions: eyerolls (2), snort (1), disappointed downturn of the mouth (1). Ass successfully covered.
Hour 4: Gear up and actually leave for Pelannapuri after the MALP confirms a lack of flooding or bogeymen. Offworld conditions: sunny and bucolic with a high in the low teens (11-15). "The fifties," Sheppard corrects; treat everyone to a detailed explanation of the metric system and why normal countries use it. Begin searching for village.
Hour 5: Continue searching for village.
Hour 6: Suggest it may be advisable to return to Atlantis for a jumper, or better yet, a UAV that can search for the village for them, since obviously the geography and habitation patterns have changed since Teyla was here last and they do not actually know where they're going and it's lunchtime. Reactions: raised eyebrows (1), snort (1), "Nice try, McKay" (1). Suggestion fails.
Shortly thereafter, find village.
Hour 7: Enjoy modest tea with leaders of the Pelann. Ignore three-fifths of their sob story about surviving the culling and the standard trade negotiations; instead, examine pastries for signs of citrus.
Hour 8: Learn that while you were dissecting a pastry, you were volunteered to help repair steam-driven farm equipment. While taking inventory of required replacement parts with local youth, plot revenge.
Hours 9-10: Beat things with hammers. Plot elaborate revenge.
Hour 12: Demand break for dinner. Discover Sheppard and Ronon have gone back to the gate to request a mission extension into the next day and Teyla has been negotiating a long-term exchange of experts for a cut of next fall's harvest. Inform everyone that you have successfully brought one (1) tractor into operating condition by harvesting parts from the other three (3); dine to appropriate level of appreciation.
Hour 13: Attempt to check in with Sheppard re: extending your exile. Fail to raise either him or Ronon. Notify Teyla, and configure scanner for life signs. Locate instead unstable energy signature. Attempt to zero in on source of energy signature while Teyla attempts to get answer out of Pelann more informative that "Duhr what?" Wander around town in vain attempt to triangulate energy signature; fail to raise either teammate on second or third attempts.
Hour 14: After explaining at length why the energy signature is probably a bad thing, take up local youth on offer of help search the forest between here and the gate. Discuss with Teyla, who agrees that it certainly won't hurt. Split up and make particularly snotty youth carry lantern while you follow the scanner readings towards energy signature (as odds that Sheppard accidentally turned something on and caused havoc approach one).
Shortly thereafter, get struck upon on the head by snotty youth, tied up, and dragged away.
Hours 15-16: Get dragged through forest, into mineshaft, across small underground lake (via particularly un-sea-worthy raft) and into Ancient laboratory, all by local youth, who also gag you and take your radio and weapons. Silently, swear revenge.
Face Pelann leader, who did not seem quite so menacing over tea. Leader explains that this "Shrine of the Ancestors" protected some of their people during past cullings and she wants you to fix it; inform her that she could've just asked. Get struck upon the head. Attempt to explain why that is a singularly bad idea if they actually do want you to accomplish anything. Get struck again. Point out that Atlantis will send rescue party. Get struck a third (3) time; Pelann leader says, "We could bring one of your friends to you if you require an incentive."
Agree to have a look at the temple, but caution that you can't make promises because genius != omnipotent (as easy as that mistake is to make).
Hour 17: Discover that you standing in one (1) Aurora-class warship, which has been buried underground for some time. Explain to Pelann leaders that ship's shields were reconfigured to project a substantial bubble aboveground, which is why they could be activated to protect the village, but either the ZPM has been drained or, more likely, the ship has suffered fatal damage after several thousand years buried in the side of a mountain. Leader orders you to fix it. Explain in small words that you may not be able to fix it because not even Atlantis has spare warships lying about to cannibalize for parts. Leader offers "incentive" again. Ask leader when you are supposed to sleep, as wakefulness now approaching eighteen (18) hours and you are a physicist, not a robot.
Take one (1) small blue pill upon orders of the Pelann. In absence of immediate anaphylaxis, get to work.
Hours 18-23: Primary effect of the stimulant seems to be a slight carbonation of your brain. Evaluate damage to warship, which is extensive and well-night catastrophic, and explain to leader (1), guards (3) and Pelann technician-acolytes (2) that the computer is corrupted, the power distribution system is damaged, and one of the shield generators may have actually flooded. Leader asks how it will take to fix. Suggest months. Get hit. Suggest weeks. Get hit again. Say you can do it in a week if you don't stop to sleep or eat or maintain personal hygiene, assuming of course that you don't come up against irreparable damage to an irreplaceable part.
Take another (1) small blue pill. Begin issuing instructions to technician-acolytes.
Hour 26: Realize you have no idea where hours 24 and 25 went. Designate technician-acolytes (4) as Alice, Bob, Carole and Don because you can't remember their actual names, despite the fact that they are all male. Send them all on errands and attempt to divert power to the communications array so as to contact Atlantis if at all possible.
Hour 27: Finally realize the reason you can't divert power to the communications array is that there isn't one; it was destroyed long before you got here. Technician-acolytes return; send them on other, different errands. Curse fate.
Hours 28-30: Attempt to patch fatal errors in operating system with things you remember from DOS. After serious dizzy spell, send acolytes for sandwiches. Eat two (2) sandwiches with three (3) small blue pills. Wonder why Atlantis rescue squad has not appeared yet; theorize that the ship's hull is interfering with your subcutaneous transmitter. Spend thirty minutes designing better transmitter system before you remember what you're actually supposed to be doing and why
Hour 31: Demand more sandwiches. Get hit, again.
Hour 32: Re-designate acolytes as Rimmer, Lister, Kryten and Cat when they bring you more sandwiches (2). Scrap large sections of base code; set about inventing new programming language.
Hour 33: Explain to Pelann Leader that you have to create a new programming language and she is wasting your time. Get hit, several times, and reminded about goals and "incentives." Find blunt trauma curiously non-painful.
Hours 34-37: Activate new operating system, which immediately crashes; begin to hyperventilate when you realize this means life support isn't functioning, until you remember that life support was never functioning, which means that the fresh air had to be coming in from somewhere, unless there was no fresh air and the sandwiches were all a hypoxia-induced hallucination.
Eventually, get a grip on yourself.
Accomplish Ancient version of "restore from last known good configuration" and start over on the patches. Receive dinner of sandwiches (2), soup (1 cup), and one (1) large blue pill.
Hour 38: After pissing out kidneys and experiencing another dizzy spell, think to ask what exactly is in the blue pills. Get hit.
Hours 39-41: Rehydrate while patching code. Formulate grandiose escape plans until distracted by color of blinking lights; get hit whenever guard notices you're not typing. Inform guards that hitting someone this heavily medicated will do nothing towards their goals. Get hit again.
Hour 42: Begin yawning uncontrollably while attempting to explain to acolytes (Hewie, Dewey, Louie and You…ee) how to manually reroute power around things that are likely to explode. Receive one (1) large blue pill and one (1) small blue pill from guards; find yourself unable to hold a glass of water due to shaky hands. Dry-swallow pills when guard suggests taking them as a suppository.
Hours 43-45: Don't remember. Probably involved multiple trips to the chamber pot, which has a truly beautiful beveled edge.
Hour 46: Attempt to manually reroute power because acolytes are clearly morons; have trouble reading schematics clearly. Still do it faster and more accurately.
Hours 47 and 48: Eat one (1) sandwich and two (2) large blue pills with approximately two (2) liters of water. The water tastes funny. Get hit again for complaining.
Hour 49: Spot something moving from the corner of your eye. Attempt to follow it. Get hit for abandoning your console. Attempt to hit back. This turns out to be bad idea.
Hour 50: Send acolytes (who may be different from the original acolytes, so you start calling them after Ninja Turtles) to search for replacement crystals. Explain what kind of crystals four times because they are morons and insist you are slurring your words when you are clearly not. Also instruct Donatello to find your Ibuprofen stash, as black eye makes it difficult to monitor power fluctuations.
Hour 51: Start your own search for replacement crystals because the Turtles are so damn slow. There's definitely something else in this ship that is not the guard and it's following you.
Hour 52: Donatello comes back with a small yellow pill that is not Ibuprofen but helps your eye anyway. This is important, as all primary routers explode.
Hour 53: Explain to Pelann leader that you didn't have anything to do with the explosions, except to the extent that you did, because the routers would've been just fine for another ten thousand years if you hadn't tried to pump power through them but as it is they were more damaged than you thought and the Ninja Turtles are not competent to tell you so and this would all be going so much better if you could just bring people from Atlantis to help. Except you get hit before you get to "Atlantis." Leader mentions "incentives" again and it takes you a few minutes to remember what that means.
Hour 54: Ingest one (1) yellow pill, two (2) large blue pills and one (1) small blue pill, along with another two (2) liters of water. See dark shapes gliding through the smoke, but dismiss them as optical illusions…
Hour 55: …unless, you realize, this ship was carrying some version of the original nanite weapon when it crashed, in which case you and the guards and the Ninja Turtles are all going to have exploding brain aneurysms soon. Attempt to explain this to guard. Get hit some more. Remember that you have the gene and decide you wouldn't mind the guard getting an exploding aneurysm so much.
Hour 56: Everyone around you fails to get exploding aneurysms. Suspect that the blue pills are affecting your judgment.
Hours 57 and 58: Take another yellow pill (1) and another small blue pill (1) and get the shakes for fifteen minutes. Try to explain arrhythmia to the guard, who hits you again. Desperately try to get life support online because you suspect that you are going to run out of air at any moment, only to be distracted by a particularly ugly piece of code that you eventually realize you wrote yourself approximately 24 hours ago.
Hour 59: Temporarily lose feeling in your extremities. Complain to guard. Guard actually fetches a Pelann healer for you, who claims that it's just hyperventilation and gives you one (1) green pill and two (2) yellow ones.
Hour 60: Bring power grid back online. Nothing explodes, though you wish it would.
Hours 61-64: Don't clearly remember, except that Winken, Blinken, Nod and Other One bring you another sandwich but you don't eat it. Instead you take the following cocktail of pills: green (1), yellow (2), large blue (2), and small blue (3). Bolt three (3) liters of water and then have stomach cramps.
Hour 65: Begin work on waterlogged shield generator, which is full of Iratus insects on the inside. Run screaming down the corridor until tackled by guard, who threatens to break your legs if you try that again. Guard does not seem perturbed by Iratus bugs. Make Winken remove all crystals for testing, on grounds that if bugs attack, you like him the least.
Hour 66: Test all crystals from shield generator while making additional patches to operating system while eating half a sandwich while explaining the principle of field oscillation to Blinken while attempting to convert a long range sensor into a primitive radio antenna so that you can attempt some kind of signal to Atlantis because they seriously should've sent the rescue party by now to save you unless they're all dead which is entirely possible because when you say that the city would sink without your daily intervention people just think that you're kidding.
Hour 67: Forget what you're doing, mid-sentence.
Hour 68: Hallucinate Aiden Ford coming at you with a syringe and throw things at him until he turns into the guard. Get beat up some more, followed by three (3) yellow pills. Decide you wouldn't actually mind some of the enzyme right now, because at least with that the heart palpitations didn't start until after you had a chance to beat people up.
Hour 69: Finish secret sensor modifications. Attempt to start broadcasting SOS. Blow up secondary router instead. Laugh about this for twenty minutes straight.
Hour 70: After crossing a small pine forest to get to the chamber pot, discover that your skin is turning yellow and you're pissing blood. Guard summons healer again, who gives you one (1) large red pill and two (2) small green ones. Also forced to eat other half of sandwich and drink one (1) liter of water.
Hour 72: Attempt to reconstruct hour 71 from the last three screens of code you entered. Fail.
Hour 73: Take more pills. They are many different colors and sizes, but not the same color or size any two times you look at them. Remind Pelann healer that you have high blood pressure and allergies, though you secretly suspect that you are producing so much natural adrenaline at the moment that you wouldn't need an Epi-pen.
Hour 74: Shield generator no longer inhabited by Iratus bugs. That just means they've infested the whole of the ship. Receive electrical burn, second (2) degree, four (4) centimeters in diameter while mounting crystals; feel alarmingly little pain.
Hour 75: Attempt to activate shields with no success. Try to explain the eleven different possible causes of the problem to Pelann Leader, but for the first ever time are unable to speak fast enough to keep up with your train of thought. After the fact, realize that you can't even remember all eleven possible causes; suspect that eleventh is really an illusion.
Hours 76-80: Become Batman. Now that you have successfully lulled the Pelann into a false sense of security, attempt to trigger self-destruct sequence and flee the ship with the stolen diamonds they so cleverly disguised as control crystals. Are hampered by constant twitching and lack of utility belt. Guard wrestles you to the ground and hits you a lot, then holds you there until the healer comes with several more green pills.
Hour 81: Realize that you are still yellow. Realize that you can reroute through secondary systems to get around damage-control fail safes that are interfering with shield activation. Realize that you are not Batman.
Hour 82: Demand acolytes color-code themselves if they're going to keep changing their faces when you're not looking.
Hour 83: Hallucinate a rescue team from Atlantis. You know they're a hallucination because they're being led by Carter and they're mostly naked. Finish rerouting shields but forget why you were doing it.
Hour 84: Take another cup full of pills and immediately vomit them right back up. Get hit by guard, even though you explain you didn't do it on purpose. Entire body now feels carbonated.
Real rescue team from Atlantis arrives; hallucinate that they are Storm Troopers and attempt to hide in a closet. Inform Storm Troopers that you are not the droid they're looking for until one reveals himself to be Sheppard in disguise. Warn them about Ford and the Iratus bugs as they help you to the puddle jumper, where you have to lay down on the floor because the chairs and benches are moving too much.
Hour 85: Arrive back in Atlantis, which is mysteriously vibrating. Jennifer asks you what has happened; try to tell her about the Iratus bugs but are overcome by the suspicion that you have been speaking French the entire time without noticing it. Jennifer takes your pulse and suggests that you need tranquilizers and should not be walking to the infirmary on your own power.
Hour 86: In infirmary, experience most painful blood draw ever, followed by most painful IV ever and most painful catheter ever. Jennifer gives you two (2) small white tablets and hooks you up to a heart monitor. She tells you relax. She's got a snake around her neck.
Hours 87-88: Utterly fail to relax. Visits from Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla and Woolsey, who speak about something to do with tractors and something to do with youth groups that does not make sense to you. Suspect they are communicating in code.
Hour 89: Ask night nurse what was in those small white tablets. She tells you Ativan. You do not believe her. Remove catheter and IV while she is not looking, because they hurt, and you haven't peed in several hours anyway.
Hour 90: Upon reflection, decide that Jennifer did not give you small white tablets, she gave you small blue pills disguised as small white tablets. Attempt to flee the infirmary. Make it ten feet from the door before you forget where you're going; get chased by large hairy man who claims to be Ronon but is clearly not, because Ronon would never sit on you.
Hour 91: The restraints itch. Cannot scratch. Try to tell night nurse about it. Nurse does not seem interested.
Hour 92: Shadows start moving. Remember nanite virus. Attempt to explain it to night nurse, who offers you more small white tablets. Ask how the small blue pills are going to stop your brain from exploding. When the nurse asks why you called the small white tablets small blue pills, you can't remember.
Hours 94 and 95: Wait for brain to explode. Twitch.
Hour 96: Attempt to reconfigure heart monitor to produce an EMP. Get put in different restraints.
Hour 97: Sheppard comes to visit and asks why you're in restraints. Explain your hallucinations and ask for EMP generator just to be on the safe side. Also point out Iratus bugs on the ceiling, which upsets him for some reason. He attempts to tell you about rescue mission but begins speaking French partway through.
Hour 98: Jennifer attempts to give you more small white tablets, but you refuse to take them. Instead she gives you a shot and asks you to relax.
Hours 99-101: Sleep. Or maybe not. Either you're dreaming about the Ewoks or they're a very vivid hallucination.
Hour 102: Have full-blown panic attack despite the fact that you have nothing against Ewoks. Jennifer gives you another shot and offers lunch. Do not want lunch; want armed escort.
Hours 103 and 104: Don't remember. Blame Ewoks.
Hour 105: Have bold new insight about the thing with the stuff. Demand laptop with which to record this insight. Nurse loosens your restraints; begin to type.
Hour 106: Still typing.
Hour 107: Finish typing. Email to Zelenka.
Teyla comes to see you and apologizes for letting the Pelann kidnap you and drug you and hurt you. Point out that it does not hurt very much, except for when you move or talk or think too hard. Teyla and Jennifer talk in hallway; conclude they are planning to inject you with something, possibly enzyme.
Hour 108: Zelenka comes by with twelve pages of printed, single-spaced text without paragraph breaks or punctuation. He asks you to explain it to him. Try, but keep forgetting to finish your sentences.
Hours 109-110: Sleep. Or don't. Ford is chasing you through the infirmary with a syringe either way. At least the restraints do not prevent you from flying.
Hour 111: Jennifer checks on you again and tries to give you another shot. Beg her not to because of what happened the last time you took the enzyme. She says she's only drawing blood; don't actually believe her.
Hour 112: Get out your laptop again; try to write letters to Jeannie. Cannot focus on screen or keyboard.
Hour 113: Stare at the ceiling; notice the Iratus bugs, if they were ever there, are gone.
Hour 114: Watch hand twitch.
Hour 115: Watch legs twitch.
Hour 116: Restraints still itch, but since your arms were loosened up to type you can scratch them. Begin scratching
Hour 117: After substantial scratching (10,436 strokes) night nurse points out that you are bleeding and tightens restraints. You hadn't noticed.
Hour 118: Start humming your favorite Chopin etudes. Eventually switch over to "Rage Over A Lost Penny," which you performed at a recital when you were eight to general acclaim even if you never particularly liked Beethoven and your teacher said you didn't express rage so much as irritation and your father didn't come like he said he would. The night nurse does not find this story engaging.
Hours 119-120: Don't sleep, but lie very still and quiet and enjoy the fuzzy halos around everything.
Hour 121: Sheppard and Ronon come by and ask how you are. Tell them you are very tired and didn't pee all day, which is bad, although at the moment another kidney stone is really the least of your concerns. Jennifer comes over and takes more blood and promises you won't get any more shots or pills or tablets until you start peeing again and/or get less yellow. You are surprised that the yellow was not entirely a hallucination, and request confirmation about the Iratus bugs as well.
Hour 122: Sheppard comes back with breakfast and a letter from Chuck that solemnly swears there are no Iratus bugs. Eat half a pancake and puke while he holds the bedpan under your chin and then wipes the puke off because you're still in restraints. Apologize to Sheppard.
Hour 123: Continue apologizing to Sheppard.
Hour 124: Even though Sheppard has left, continue apologizing.
Hour 125: Maybe sleep some more. Maybe not. You kind of want another shot even if it is enzyme, since at least enzyme would make you less tired, and maybe kind of happy.
Hour 126: Jennifer tries to get you to eat oatmeal for lunch. Eat two tablespoons, nearly vomit, and give up. Apologize to Jennifer.
Hour 127: Continue apologizing to Jennifer. She tells you to stop. Get very angry and cover head with blanket.
Hours 128-130: Refuse to speak to anyone. Refuse to eat afternoon snack. Refuse to remove blanket. Attempt to kick a nurse.
Hour 131: Jennifer apologizes to you and starts telling you about how she once took an Adderall while studying for an exam but it gave her the shakes so badly she swore to never try it again. Tell her about how you beat people up on the enzyme and it was awesome until you passed out.
Hour 132: For the first time in at least two days, pee. It is such a relief that you manage to keep down half a sandwich and a glass of juice. Temporarily panic over whether or not the juice contained citrus, because it is green and you can't always keep track of the green juice, but Jennifer assures you that it's okay. When anaphylaxis fails to set in, decide you believe her.
Hours 133-134: Possibly approach sleep. Note that the city is no longer vibrating. Also, you kind of hurt all over.
Hour 135: Ask nurse to read you your email, but concentration is shot. Instead ask nurse to bring your iPod.
Hour 136: Sheppard bring your iPod and feigns excitement to learn that you peed. Comments that you are less yellow. Together, convince the night nurse to undo your restraints. Make Sheppard listen to favorite Chopin etudes; tell "Rage Over a Lost Penny" story again but lost concentration partway through and start the etudes over.
Hours 137-138: Play Spider Solitaire. Win six percent (6%) of games on Easy. Blame computer, as there is clearly something wrong with the display or else it wouldn't be so fuzzy, and erase scores to protect reputation.
Hour 139: Forget why you are in the infirmary and wander out into the hall. Night nurse puts you back to bed.
Hour 140: Forget why you are in the infirmary and make it all the way to the mess hall before you remember that it is night time; go onto balcony to watch stars move. Security patrol walks you back to infirmary and the night nurse threatens you with restraints again.
Hours 141-145: Don't remember. Sleep? It doesn't feel like sleep. Your iPod battery is dead.
Hour 146: Eat breakfast. It stays down. Jennifer says you can leave the infirmary and gives you small pink tablets and tells you to sleep. Teyla takes you to her quarters; watch Torren's puddle-jumper mobile while she mediates.
Hour 147: Try to meditate with Teyla. Keep thinking of the thing with the stuff instead. Attempt to dictate letter to Jeannie but lose concentration after "I got kidnapped and thought I was Batman."
Hour 148: Go to lab with Teyla. Radek shows you twelve pages of gibberish with paragraph breaks and punctuation drawn in and tries to explain it to you. Watch the equations on the white board move instead.
Hour 149: Woolsey stops by lab to ask how you are feeling. Realize after five minutes that he is waiting for an answer. Tell him you are very tired and still slightly yellow. Woolsey leaves.
Hour 150: Ronon visits; go to lunch with him. Sheppard and Teyla bring you a tray and remind you that you are eating lunch when you forget.
Hours 151-153: Go to your quarters, with Ronon following you just in case; lie down on the bed and watch the air particles vibrate. Really, really want to sleep.
Hour 154: Don't remember. Definitely not sleep.
Hour 155: Find yourself in a hallway. Cannot immediately identify which hallway. Major Lorne asks you where you are going and takes you to Sheppard's office when you can't answer him. Sheppard is surprised to see you but lets you lie down on his office couch for a while.
Hour 156: Something flies by your head. Jump up and look around in case it's an Iratus bug. Sheppard looks guilty and retrieves his paper airplane from behind the couch. He walks you to mess hall for dinner. Dinner may or may not be attempting to escape plate.
Hour 157: Don't remember this one either. Definitely not sleep.
Hour 158: Sitting in Sheppard's quarters watching a movie. Don't know which movie. Teyla and Ronon are with you. Ask which movie and don't recognize the title. Cannot focus on the screen anyway.
Hour 159: Movie is over. Sheppard starts a new movie.
Hour 160: Don't remember.
Hour 161: New movie is also over and Sheppard is practicing guitar. Tune it for him, while verbally expressing surprise that you are still capable of doing so. Ronon starts playing Satedan marching hymns.
Hours 162-163: Don't remember. Growing increasingly alarmed by this. Suspect hideous brain parasite. Again.
Hour 164: Back in own quarters. Sheppard is setting up chess board. Ask how you got here. Sheppard says, "By the power of elves." You point out that this is not funny to a man who has not slept in the last seven days and go lay on the bed with a pillow over your head.
Hour 165: Get up and start moving pieces randomly around the chessboard. Sheppard is going through your iPod and criticizing your taste in music. Point out that your taste in music has endured for centuries while Johnny Cash had to cover Nine Inch Nails to stay relevant. Endure glare.
Hour 166: Notice the jumbled pile of key tops sitting next to your laptop and demand to know what happened to your computer. Sheppard doesn't know. Attempt to sort keys, but are unable to recognize letters. Sheppard takes keys away from you. Start pacing from balcony to door.
Hour 167: After fourteen circuits of room, Sheppard forces you into bathroom with clean pajamas on the grounds that you smell bad. Brush teeth for just the second time all week; decide now is probably not the best time to shave, even though you are starting to look like a crazed hermit. No longer seem particularly yellow.
Hour 168: Sheppard tells you how he and Ronon got attacked by the Pelann and ran around the gate for a long time and then rescued Teyla but they couldn’t find you even with a jumper until they got a local youth to confess your location. Tell Sheppard about the Iratus bugs and Ford and the Ninja Turtles and the guard that kept punching you and how it didn't hurt until it hurt. Also tell him that you're very tired. He finds the small pink tablets and makes you take one (1), just one (1), because Jennifer wouldn't give you anything dangerous after all the other pharmaceuticals you've had sloshing around in your bloodstream, right?
Take one. Lay down.
Hour 169: Sleep.
(Hour Unknown: Wake up. Use bathroom. Eat an entire MRE. Sleep again.)