(no subject)
Alright, it is 2:15 in the morning and I gotta get this outta me before I see him tomorrow.
I cannot believe that he likes me... in that i actually am incredulous...
What has set me apart from the other girls? I am not a better dancer, nor am I especially cuter. I like to think of myself as large and awkward... and that acts as a nice safe repellent to guys worth dating because I don't think i'd know what to do if I were lucky enough to actually have one of the good guys as my own.
I really can't afford disappointment. I'm sick of retreating to escapism and then calling that a healthy way of living. But at the same time, if i don't risk everything i've got on this one chance... then even all the waiting up to this point would have been pointless.
I am scared to death. God, I want this to work out with every fiber of my being... weighing every word i say to him, putting in loads of effort... but at the same time i have this petrifying mentality of "if I don't touch it I won't break it".
Because what if this really is only casual and he's just weighing his prospects? What if, as has been my bane since I became interested in the opposite sex, what if I am simply reading into things too closely and my pitiful hopes are clouding my sense of reality?
I think about him too much, and I've been away too long at a very crucial moment in the relationship-growing process. Every time something pleasant happens I am seized with an overwhelming rush of warm fuzzies followed instantly by a nagging, gripping sense that I don't deserve this, that it is not my place to assume or expect anything, that I am totally and utterly wrong.
But at the same time, y'know, how could we FB chat/text every day for hours if he wasn't interested in me? I mean, for chrissakes, we have a DATE set up for tomorrow, we HAD a date last week, yet I question every little thing?! I'd be a terrible girlfriend... especially when we would go dancing. I freak a little just thinking about him bluesing with other girls this past week. That would not be healthy for a relationship.
Can we just kiss already? seal the deal so I wouldn't be so freakin jumpy all the time? This feeling is so deliciously laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. Why can't I be that cool, calm tall glass of water and care less? Why do I put so much at stake?!
Tomorrow... I'm going to wear the wrong dress, throw up on the dance floor, step on his feet, be running late, get my period, have a huge zit, hold terribly boring conversations, and generally make a fool of myself as usual.
And hopefully, God, so hopefully, he will see past all that.
I cannot believe that he likes me... in that i actually am incredulous...
What has set me apart from the other girls? I am not a better dancer, nor am I especially cuter. I like to think of myself as large and awkward... and that acts as a nice safe repellent to guys worth dating because I don't think i'd know what to do if I were lucky enough to actually have one of the good guys as my own.
I really can't afford disappointment. I'm sick of retreating to escapism and then calling that a healthy way of living. But at the same time, if i don't risk everything i've got on this one chance... then even all the waiting up to this point would have been pointless.
I am scared to death. God, I want this to work out with every fiber of my being... weighing every word i say to him, putting in loads of effort... but at the same time i have this petrifying mentality of "if I don't touch it I won't break it".
Because what if this really is only casual and he's just weighing his prospects? What if, as has been my bane since I became interested in the opposite sex, what if I am simply reading into things too closely and my pitiful hopes are clouding my sense of reality?
I think about him too much, and I've been away too long at a very crucial moment in the relationship-growing process. Every time something pleasant happens I am seized with an overwhelming rush of warm fuzzies followed instantly by a nagging, gripping sense that I don't deserve this, that it is not my place to assume or expect anything, that I am totally and utterly wrong.
But at the same time, y'know, how could we FB chat/text every day for hours if he wasn't interested in me? I mean, for chrissakes, we have a DATE set up for tomorrow, we HAD a date last week, yet I question every little thing?! I'd be a terrible girlfriend... especially when we would go dancing. I freak a little just thinking about him bluesing with other girls this past week. That would not be healthy for a relationship.
Can we just kiss already? seal the deal so I wouldn't be so freakin jumpy all the time? This feeling is so deliciously laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. Why can't I be that cool, calm tall glass of water and care less? Why do I put so much at stake?!
Tomorrow... I'm going to wear the wrong dress, throw up on the dance floor, step on his feet, be running late, get my period, have a huge zit, hold terribly boring conversations, and generally make a fool of myself as usual.
And hopefully, God, so hopefully, he will see past all that.