Ponderings
I find it interesting how long we can go without analyzing the path we want to eventually take. For example, we start on the path of college or some other higher education. We pick a vague direction, but because the outcome is two, three, four years away, we don't consider the results too carefully. It's only when we reach the point of seeing the end of our efforts that we start to think, "What am I going to do with this?"
I've reached that point. I may very well graduate this Spring which in some ways is a terrifying realization. College is easy, in many ways. You have x amount of credits to fill in this section, this section, and that section. You work towards that goal without any concept of what happens when it ends. I'm so close to the end though, that I have been forced to analyze all the things that have been percolating in the back of my mind. The things I said I wanted to do, the things I said were a last resort, and the things I said I would never give up.
I'm finding, oddly enough, that stuff I said was a "last resort" are exactly the things I want to do. But they were put into that category because of friends, family, and a certain significant other....
I've begun thinking about what I want to do after graduating. Over the past couple of days I realized what I really want to do is to move to China and do something there. I have a few ideas, and few paths I could take, but ultimately I don't want to be in America and manipulating the Chinese language. I want to be in China manipulating the Chinese language.
This leads to some scary realizations.
In many ways we're prepared from birth to leave our parents, our nest, if you will. It's part of the American culture, at the very least. So if moving to China were to mean leaving behind only my parents, this decision would be fairly easy. Comparatively, that is.
But it's always more than just your parents. There are friends to consider. Especially the close ones. The ones that you have actually spent time apart from and gone a little crazy without them are especially the hardest to consider leaving. But in a way, you know that you will always be friends with them. That in some way you will find a method of staying with them, even thousands of miles apart.
As for the significant other.... he won't follow... not known for sure, but in a strange instinctual feeling you know it's almost certainly true. You would follow him to the ends of the universe. You would travel wherever he wanted. You would pack your things and leave behind everything you know. But you know he won't do the same for you. At that point you have to ask yourself, "If you're willing to follow him anywhere, can you bring yourself to stay here with him?"
The answer is no. and that's the scariest answer I've ever given myself.
I've reached that point. I may very well graduate this Spring which in some ways is a terrifying realization. College is easy, in many ways. You have x amount of credits to fill in this section, this section, and that section. You work towards that goal without any concept of what happens when it ends. I'm so close to the end though, that I have been forced to analyze all the things that have been percolating in the back of my mind. The things I said I wanted to do, the things I said were a last resort, and the things I said I would never give up.
I'm finding, oddly enough, that stuff I said was a "last resort" are exactly the things I want to do. But they were put into that category because of friends, family, and a certain significant other....
I've begun thinking about what I want to do after graduating. Over the past couple of days I realized what I really want to do is to move to China and do something there. I have a few ideas, and few paths I could take, but ultimately I don't want to be in America and manipulating the Chinese language. I want to be in China manipulating the Chinese language.
This leads to some scary realizations.
In many ways we're prepared from birth to leave our parents, our nest, if you will. It's part of the American culture, at the very least. So if moving to China were to mean leaving behind only my parents, this decision would be fairly easy. Comparatively, that is.
But it's always more than just your parents. There are friends to consider. Especially the close ones. The ones that you have actually spent time apart from and gone a little crazy without them are especially the hardest to consider leaving. But in a way, you know that you will always be friends with them. That in some way you will find a method of staying with them, even thousands of miles apart.
As for the significant other.... he won't follow... not known for sure, but in a strange instinctual feeling you know it's almost certainly true. You would follow him to the ends of the universe. You would travel wherever he wanted. You would pack your things and leave behind everything you know. But you know he won't do the same for you. At that point you have to ask yourself, "If you're willing to follow him anywhere, can you bring yourself to stay here with him?"
The answer is no. and that's the scariest answer I've ever given myself.