Top Dog
Fandom: Inuyasha
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Crack-ish
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Word Count: 1549
Summary: You can’t teach an old dog a new trick, especially when he’s still such a dick.
Author’s Note: I just wanted an excuse to write Inuyasha in here.
This might have deviated away from whatever vague idea I had originally.
It was a bright sunny Saturday morning, and Kagome found herself cooped up in her home doing chores. That was the price she paid for spending Friday night out as a date night with Sesshoumaru instead of taking care of her tasks at home. It was nearly noon and she had managed to finish the laundry and vacuumed the apartment. All that was left were the pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen and some other minor miscellaneous errands she needed to do.
How did it even get piled up?, Kagome had to wonder as she turned on the faucet and prepared to begin washing the dishes. She started humming to make the tedious task a little more bearable. The humming helped and she was soon swaying from side-to-side as she started to sing louder and louder and-
“Goddammit!”
Kagome winced from the sudden noise and ended up dropping a plate in surprise. She stared in horror at seeing the countless broken shards littered the bottom of the sink. Kagome cringed again when she heard the sound of something crashing outside her apartment. On closer listening, she realized she recognized the voice.
“Son of a bitch, it’s me, you dick!” Kagome heard Inuyasha screaming.
“I know,” Sesshoumaru responded coolly.
Following Sesshoumaru’s voice, there was a loud whoosh and what seemed to be the sound of a whip making contact with skin.
That’s not what I think it is-no, they can’t be that stupid.
She sighed to herself, not in a particularly good mood to break up another brotherly fight. She turned her attention to her new task of carefully removing the broken shards in her sink. The persistent yelling threatened to disrupt her focus, but Kagome just kept repeating to herself that whatever was going on between the two brothers was none of her business.
She flinched when she heard the sound of a pot shattering against her apartment door. She counted to ten, intending to calm herself down, but then the sound of another pot hitting the door was the last straw for her.
She immediately stomped out of the apartment, briefly ducking when another pot flew past her and landed in her previously spotless living room, creating a whole new mess for her to clean.
“Sit, boy!”
A colorful string of profanity instantly left Inuyasha’s mouth as he tried to pry himself out of the ground. “500 years! 500 goddamned years she made me wear this fucking necklace!”
“It suits you,” Sesshoumaru remarked, earning another earful of curses from Inuyasha. He winced when he felt Kagome smacked the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper before yanking him by the ear back into their apartment.
“You need to stop trying to kill your brother!”
“Half-brother. And it’s just a little sibling rough-and-tumble.”
“19 pots. You both have destroyed 19 pots of plants in the past two months.” Kagome placed her hands on her hip, a sight that had been becoming far too common during his time with her. She pointed a threatening finger at him. “How am I supposed to explain that to my grandfather the next time he visits and asks where are the plants he gave us?”
“Tell him the mutt destroyed them. He’s destroyed your grandfather’s bonsais on a regular basis. This should come as no surprise.”
Kagome continued to glare at Sesshoumaru, not at all appeased by his reasoning. She poked him in the chest, her head held up high as she glared straight into his slightly stiffened face. “I’ve told you to stop calling him that! And no, I don’t think Grandpa will fall for that line for the fifth time in a row.”
Sesshoumaru lowered his gaze down to focus on the finger on his chest. He had to wonder to himself why he allowed her such freedom. He turned his attention back to Kagome when she resumed ranting, “And what on earth could you two be fighting about this time?”
“What makes you think there is a reason behind our fights? This is just a friendly spar between two half-brothers.”
“Bullshit.”
Sesshoumaru blinked in surprise, not expecting her curt, tactless response. For once, he was at a loss for word. He started to open his mouth, but Kagome immediately interrupted, repeating her earlier response:
“Bullshit.” She started ticking off her fingers, “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit-”
“Are you done, darling?”
“Bullshit!” She stomped her foot and pointed at all of the recently destroyed pots. “This is not a friendly spar! You idiots have fought over that dumb sword, you’ve fought because of your stupid egos, you’ve fought over who gets the last onigiri the last time we all went out cherry blossom viewing. The reasons just seem to get stupider as you two morons get older!”
“Are you done?”
Kagome was breathing heavily as she recalled every single one of Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha’s fights that she had witnessed. She glared at him, not at all concerned by the faint hint of annoyance in his voice. She growled softly, “Kyoto 1871.”
Sesshoumaru stiffened. “How do you-”
“Your mother told me.”
Sesshoumaru scowled to himself, making a mental note to have a talk with his dearly beloved mother about her overly friendly meetings with Kagome. He snapped out of this thought when Kagome resumed speaking.
“I will not allow a repeat of Kyoto 1871, do you hear me, Sesshoumaru?”
Sesshoumaru started to open his mouth to protest, but shut it when Kagome pointed a stern finger outside.
“Let’s go! I am going to get to the bottom of this idiotic fight of yours.”
“But my dear-”
“Don’t you ‘but my dear’ me, Sesshoumaru! Let’s go!”
Sesshoumaru didn’t even bother resisting when Kagome grabbed his wrist and proceeded to pull him outside to meet Inuyasha, who was just now making it out of his hole.
“What?” Inuyasha glared at both of them as he straightened up, dusting the dirt off of himself.
“She knows about Kyoto 1871.”
Inuyasha immediately paled. “H-how-”
“My mother.”
“Fuck, Sesshoumaru, I told you that old bag was going to be a pain in our asses one day!”
“I have never doubted that once, little brother.”
Kagome stood between the two, arms crossed as she glared at one brother and then the other with heated intensity. She spoke up, causing both demons to glance down at the human woman between them. “Dumb dogs getting into all sorts of trouble.”
Inuyasha immediately protested, “This is not like Kyoto 1871, Kagome! Besides, it was Sesshoumaru’s fault for getting drunk that time and-”
“I do not get drunk.”
“Right, you just get less classy, is that so?”
Sesshoumaru sent a low threatening growl to his half-brother, whose only mature response was pulling down one eyelid and sticking out his tongue.
Kagome continued to fume as the two bickered before finally snapping.
“Sit! And-” She turned to Sesshoumaru and smacked him in the back of the head again, ignoring the dirty looks he immediately sent her way. “What I would give for another Beads of Subjugation…”
“This is not like that time, Kagome!” Inuyasha continued to protest as he tried to stand up again on wobbling legs.
“Then what on earth could you two idiots be fighting about this time?”
The brothers remained silent, hesitant of giving the origin of their fight to her. Kagome opened her mouth, and Inuyasha immediately panicked, seeing the word “sit” was forming. He instantly covered her mouth, and dragged her back into the apartment with Sesshoumaru following behind.
Kagome struggled all the way until Inuyasha placed her on the couch and removed his hand. She glared at him, ready to say that cursed word again.
“Wait! I can explain! It’s nothing really. It’s not even that bad once you think about it.”
“What?”
“Um, Sesshoumaru, go ahead, tell your girl what that was about.”
It was Sesshoumaru’s turn to glare at Inuyasha. “Imbecile.”
“Well?”
“So, my dear,” Sesshoumaru started, trying to appease to his beloved with his calmness, “do you remember our father’s tendency to hide heirlooms across the country and-”
“Do not tell me some spirit got released and is wreaking havoc and-”
“No, no, no, no,” Inuyasha interrupted. “Nothing that drastic. It’s just-Toutousai seems to have located some sort of artifact in this area and we were just testing to see who was more des-Kagome?”
“Dear, where are you going?”
“Home to my mother. When I do decide to return, this place better be spotless. And you can both finish the rest of my chores and errands while I’m gone.”
She slammed the door, hoping the loud noise was enough to irritate their sensitive ears. Giving a nod of approval to herself, she immediately made her trek to her childhood home, leaving the two brothers to deal with her previous chores and errands.
Sesshoumaru took a glance at the mess from earlier in his home and then glared at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha already proceeded to grab a broom and dustpan while shrugging off Sesshoumaru’s glare. “You started it this time, you egomaniac. At least she didn’t find out about Hokkaido 1979.”
“Don’t be too sure. She might be holding it as secret ammo.”
“…Fuck, your mother is going to be the death of us.”
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Crack-ish
Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Kagome
Word Count: 1549
Summary: You can’t teach an old dog a new trick, especially when he’s still such a dick.
Author’s Note: I just wanted an excuse to write Inuyasha in here.
This might have deviated away from whatever vague idea I had originally.
It was a bright sunny Saturday morning, and Kagome found herself cooped up in her home doing chores. That was the price she paid for spending Friday night out as a date night with Sesshoumaru instead of taking care of her tasks at home. It was nearly noon and she had managed to finish the laundry and vacuumed the apartment. All that was left were the pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen and some other minor miscellaneous errands she needed to do.
How did it even get piled up?, Kagome had to wonder as she turned on the faucet and prepared to begin washing the dishes. She started humming to make the tedious task a little more bearable. The humming helped and she was soon swaying from side-to-side as she started to sing louder and louder and-
“Goddammit!”
Kagome winced from the sudden noise and ended up dropping a plate in surprise. She stared in horror at seeing the countless broken shards littered the bottom of the sink. Kagome cringed again when she heard the sound of something crashing outside her apartment. On closer listening, she realized she recognized the voice.
“Son of a bitch, it’s me, you dick!” Kagome heard Inuyasha screaming.
“I know,” Sesshoumaru responded coolly.
Following Sesshoumaru’s voice, there was a loud whoosh and what seemed to be the sound of a whip making contact with skin.
That’s not what I think it is-no, they can’t be that stupid.
She sighed to herself, not in a particularly good mood to break up another brotherly fight. She turned her attention to her new task of carefully removing the broken shards in her sink. The persistent yelling threatened to disrupt her focus, but Kagome just kept repeating to herself that whatever was going on between the two brothers was none of her business.
She flinched when she heard the sound of a pot shattering against her apartment door. She counted to ten, intending to calm herself down, but then the sound of another pot hitting the door was the last straw for her.
She immediately stomped out of the apartment, briefly ducking when another pot flew past her and landed in her previously spotless living room, creating a whole new mess for her to clean.
“Sit, boy!”
A colorful string of profanity instantly left Inuyasha’s mouth as he tried to pry himself out of the ground. “500 years! 500 goddamned years she made me wear this fucking necklace!”
“It suits you,” Sesshoumaru remarked, earning another earful of curses from Inuyasha. He winced when he felt Kagome smacked the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper before yanking him by the ear back into their apartment.
“You need to stop trying to kill your brother!”
“Half-brother. And it’s just a little sibling rough-and-tumble.”
“19 pots. You both have destroyed 19 pots of plants in the past two months.” Kagome placed her hands on her hip, a sight that had been becoming far too common during his time with her. She pointed a threatening finger at him. “How am I supposed to explain that to my grandfather the next time he visits and asks where are the plants he gave us?”
“Tell him the mutt destroyed them. He’s destroyed your grandfather’s bonsais on a regular basis. This should come as no surprise.”
Kagome continued to glare at Sesshoumaru, not at all appeased by his reasoning. She poked him in the chest, her head held up high as she glared straight into his slightly stiffened face. “I’ve told you to stop calling him that! And no, I don’t think Grandpa will fall for that line for the fifth time in a row.”
Sesshoumaru lowered his gaze down to focus on the finger on his chest. He had to wonder to himself why he allowed her such freedom. He turned his attention back to Kagome when she resumed ranting, “And what on earth could you two be fighting about this time?”
“What makes you think there is a reason behind our fights? This is just a friendly spar between two half-brothers.”
“Bullshit.”
Sesshoumaru blinked in surprise, not expecting her curt, tactless response. For once, he was at a loss for word. He started to open his mouth, but Kagome immediately interrupted, repeating her earlier response:
“Bullshit.” She started ticking off her fingers, “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit-”
“Are you done, darling?”
“Bullshit!” She stomped her foot and pointed at all of the recently destroyed pots. “This is not a friendly spar! You idiots have fought over that dumb sword, you’ve fought because of your stupid egos, you’ve fought over who gets the last onigiri the last time we all went out cherry blossom viewing. The reasons just seem to get stupider as you two morons get older!”
“Are you done?”
Kagome was breathing heavily as she recalled every single one of Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha’s fights that she had witnessed. She glared at him, not at all concerned by the faint hint of annoyance in his voice. She growled softly, “Kyoto 1871.”
Sesshoumaru stiffened. “How do you-”
“Your mother told me.”
Sesshoumaru scowled to himself, making a mental note to have a talk with his dearly beloved mother about her overly friendly meetings with Kagome. He snapped out of this thought when Kagome resumed speaking.
“I will not allow a repeat of Kyoto 1871, do you hear me, Sesshoumaru?”
Sesshoumaru started to open his mouth to protest, but shut it when Kagome pointed a stern finger outside.
“Let’s go! I am going to get to the bottom of this idiotic fight of yours.”
“But my dear-”
“Don’t you ‘but my dear’ me, Sesshoumaru! Let’s go!”
Sesshoumaru didn’t even bother resisting when Kagome grabbed his wrist and proceeded to pull him outside to meet Inuyasha, who was just now making it out of his hole.
“What?” Inuyasha glared at both of them as he straightened up, dusting the dirt off of himself.
“She knows about Kyoto 1871.”
Inuyasha immediately paled. “H-how-”
“My mother.”
“Fuck, Sesshoumaru, I told you that old bag was going to be a pain in our asses one day!”
“I have never doubted that once, little brother.”
Kagome stood between the two, arms crossed as she glared at one brother and then the other with heated intensity. She spoke up, causing both demons to glance down at the human woman between them. “Dumb dogs getting into all sorts of trouble.”
Inuyasha immediately protested, “This is not like Kyoto 1871, Kagome! Besides, it was Sesshoumaru’s fault for getting drunk that time and-”
“I do not get drunk.”
“Right, you just get less classy, is that so?”
Sesshoumaru sent a low threatening growl to his half-brother, whose only mature response was pulling down one eyelid and sticking out his tongue.
Kagome continued to fume as the two bickered before finally snapping.
“Sit! And-” She turned to Sesshoumaru and smacked him in the back of the head again, ignoring the dirty looks he immediately sent her way. “What I would give for another Beads of Subjugation…”
“This is not like that time, Kagome!” Inuyasha continued to protest as he tried to stand up again on wobbling legs.
“Then what on earth could you two idiots be fighting about this time?”
The brothers remained silent, hesitant of giving the origin of their fight to her. Kagome opened her mouth, and Inuyasha immediately panicked, seeing the word “sit” was forming. He instantly covered her mouth, and dragged her back into the apartment with Sesshoumaru following behind.
Kagome struggled all the way until Inuyasha placed her on the couch and removed his hand. She glared at him, ready to say that cursed word again.
“Wait! I can explain! It’s nothing really. It’s not even that bad once you think about it.”
“What?”
“Um, Sesshoumaru, go ahead, tell your girl what that was about.”
It was Sesshoumaru’s turn to glare at Inuyasha. “Imbecile.”
“Well?”
“So, my dear,” Sesshoumaru started, trying to appease to his beloved with his calmness, “do you remember our father’s tendency to hide heirlooms across the country and-”
“Do not tell me some spirit got released and is wreaking havoc and-”
“No, no, no, no,” Inuyasha interrupted. “Nothing that drastic. It’s just-Toutousai seems to have located some sort of artifact in this area and we were just testing to see who was more des-Kagome?”
“Dear, where are you going?”
“Home to my mother. When I do decide to return, this place better be spotless. And you can both finish the rest of my chores and errands while I’m gone.”
She slammed the door, hoping the loud noise was enough to irritate their sensitive ears. Giving a nod of approval to herself, she immediately made her trek to her childhood home, leaving the two brothers to deal with her previous chores and errands.
Sesshoumaru took a glance at the mess from earlier in his home and then glared at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha already proceeded to grab a broom and dustpan while shrugging off Sesshoumaru’s glare. “You started it this time, you egomaniac. At least she didn’t find out about Hokkaido 1979.”
“Don’t be too sure. She might be holding it as secret ammo.”
“…Fuck, your mother is going to be the death of us.”