the rafting trip
Everything I said in the previous entry is officially void. I've never been as happy in my life as I am in this moment.
First, and most importantly, I have no doubt whatsoever in my heart that there is a loving God who reigns over this earth. He is involved in one way or another with absolutely every action that occurrs, without exception.
Second, that God is proud of me. He is proud of me. After everything I've done to hurt Him, every action that I've taken to sin against him, he is still proud. Despite every flaw, many of which are unforgivable by people, are forgiven by Him.
I was forgiven today. Not for the first time. I used to think that forgiveness came only from loving Jesus, which is something I have always done, and so I assumed that I was always forgiven for the sins that I was committing. Sins that I even knew were wrong as I was committing them. There was a time when i was repentant, but that time had been over. I was out to please myself and only myself... not for long, but for long enough to lose the passoin and conviction that I had in God.
But today I experienced the most amazing feeling that I've ever had in my life. I was in my car, and after everything that had all ready happened (because every moment of this trip was amazing; I learned so much every second of every day) I started to thank God for loving me... and I felt the Holy Spirit come over me in the most amazing way. I felt every bit of God's power flood into my car, and into my heart. He showed himself to me finally in the way that I've been waiting for for so long. I am saved. Finally, I am saved.
I knew I would go to Heaven before, that was a given. I had been forgiven, and I had a desire to do good... but I wasn't doing good. I was doing evil, and I know that. I was living for myself, based on the hurts and fears instilled in my by others, I was living for myself. It was a wrong path to take, and now I realize that the path I was on before was the right one. God flooded into my car, and I cried and laughed and shouted out thanks to God all the way home. There is only one way that I can thank Him for the amazing thing he's done:
Keep it up. This time, I know, I will be able to do that. I won't ever let Him get away from me again.
First, and most importantly, I have no doubt whatsoever in my heart that there is a loving God who reigns over this earth. He is involved in one way or another with absolutely every action that occurrs, without exception.
Second, that God is proud of me. He is proud of me. After everything I've done to hurt Him, every action that I've taken to sin against him, he is still proud. Despite every flaw, many of which are unforgivable by people, are forgiven by Him.
I was forgiven today. Not for the first time. I used to think that forgiveness came only from loving Jesus, which is something I have always done, and so I assumed that I was always forgiven for the sins that I was committing. Sins that I even knew were wrong as I was committing them. There was a time when i was repentant, but that time had been over. I was out to please myself and only myself... not for long, but for long enough to lose the passoin and conviction that I had in God.
But today I experienced the most amazing feeling that I've ever had in my life. I was in my car, and after everything that had all ready happened (because every moment of this trip was amazing; I learned so much every second of every day) I started to thank God for loving me... and I felt the Holy Spirit come over me in the most amazing way. I felt every bit of God's power flood into my car, and into my heart. He showed himself to me finally in the way that I've been waiting for for so long. I am saved. Finally, I am saved.
I knew I would go to Heaven before, that was a given. I had been forgiven, and I had a desire to do good... but I wasn't doing good. I was doing evil, and I know that. I was living for myself, based on the hurts and fears instilled in my by others, I was living for myself. It was a wrong path to take, and now I realize that the path I was on before was the right one. God flooded into my car, and I cried and laughed and shouted out thanks to God all the way home. There is only one way that I can thank Him for the amazing thing he's done:
Keep it up. This time, I know, I will be able to do that. I won't ever let Him get away from me again.