He Told Me He Loved Me, So Why Did He Go?
Hey guys, I was listening to a really sad song and this fic uses pharses and rhymes from it. It is not a song fic though, just a fan fiction inspired by a song:D If someone guesses the song, their name will be in the next fic. Also, bragging rights! :)Okay, it was already guesses, lol just check the comments:)
Title:He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
Pairings: Ian/Anthony (well sorta)
Rating: I would almost call this PG. I'm pretty sure I have no swearing, nothing "bad, just complete sadness.
Summary: It seemed that he was all I thought about ever since he left.
Disclaimer: I don't own smosh or the phrases from this song
Authors notes: Depressed, so I wrote this. On a happy note, learned how to play tobuscus theme song on guitar(totally unrelated) xD
Previous chapters: ITS A ONESHOT!!!
Once you find out the song if anybody ever does, this sounds great with it:) But anyway, here:0
The rolling hills in the meadow danced with shadows of twisted trees under the red sun. Heat touched my skin, light shone through emerald leaves that held summer sunlight on them. The world was tinted with deep red and orange colors, the golden sun kissing my chapped lips.
Like he once did. He used to be the one kissing my chapped lips.
My heart was not pounding like it used to when I was with him. In fact, he wasn’t even here. He would never be here again, standing by my side, holding my hand. He wouldn’t be here to view the sun set over the rolling hills and the sparkly stars appear in the dark night sky. He wouldn’t be there to wrap an arm around me if I got cold. He’s not here, and he never will be again.
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
The cattails by the lake swayed in the breeze. My vision got awfully blurry. I’m not sure if it was because of my hidden tears or because I was staring into the sun, wishing for things that would never come back to me. Like him.
I remember the first time he said he loved me.
I still remember the look on his face, led through the darkness that night. His hand touched my face, he squeezed my body closer as I shivered from the wind. For one moment, he looked in my pale blue eyes under the moonlight of the evening. And with only the stars and the moon watching us, he whispered, looking directly at me, “I love you”.
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
The sun sunk down farther in the hazy hills. My eyes wondered to a path by a tall leaning willow tree, when a knife of pain stabbed through me. It was that spot. The spot under the willow tree that was OUR perfect first kiss.
I caught a memory of him on that path, trying not to step on any cracks in the pavement and failing miserably. I was laughing and telling him to stop, although he made me do it with him. Crack after crack we jumped over, pushing each other, trying to cheat and make each other fall. This continued for what seemed like hours, and it was. They had lost track of time and were fatigued.
We collapsed onto the warm grass, under a huge willow tree, in each other’s arms. I was laying on top of him, his sweaty hands around my face. We stared at eachother until he pulled me into a breathtaking kiss, a first kiss that you can’t share with anyone or tell anyone about. It was too perfect of a fragile moment. The kiss was ours. Only ours, with only the afternoon sun watching. “I love you Ian” Anthony had said, wrapping his tanned arms around me, still on the ground. “I love you too, Anthony.”
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
I rubbed my sleepy eyes. This field brought back too many memories, yet it was the absolute place to be for tonight. My mind hoped he would come, even though I knew he wouldn’t. Not after everything.
Again, the field brought back so bitter-sweet memories. Laying there, letting my body bake in the mid spring sun, I let them come back. One by one, the acid of the memories struck me, then the sugary sweetness of it all. But the sourness seemed to linger, because he wasn't here. And won't be here anytime soon.
The lake over there, was the lake. I closed my eyes.
The light sprinkle of the rain danced on the pavement and the lake, making splatters of fresh water hit my already wet eyes back about a year ago. I sat by the cloudy lake, letting my tears slip down into the mud and into the body of water. I looked up to see him standing behind me, watching me intently.
“You’re not beautiful when you cry.” He had said. "I always want you to be beautiful." Anthony was one of the sweetest people I know --- or I knew.
That July 9th, the beat of his heart, it had jumped through his shirt. The rhythm of his chest made me listen and hold onto him. I can still feel his arms.
He wrapped his comforting arms around my body and rubbed our foreheads together. “Don’t cry.” He had said, closing his mocha eyes. “You’re not beautiful when you cry.”
“I love you Anthony.” I choked out of my throat, his sweet breath touching my chin. “I love you too Ian.”
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
I walked over to the lake, my heart pounding heavily. My fingertips lightly brushed the shallow rim of the water. I shivered. The sun was slowly fading from distance, the sky turning a light orange. The clouds were pink and fluffy, rolling out over the fields. I realized that the shirt I was wearing was his. I felt comfort and content, like I was ok if he was there.
I still had some of him left to me.
I looked across the shimmering lake to see the moonlight being the only light that shone in the world for me right now. The moonlight, being my only guide. Back then, he would also help me see, guiding me across the world, teaching me things. He would be helping me wherever I stepped, being like my hero. He would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him. We were bestfriends, but we just wanted to be bestfriends that held on forever.
I still will do anything for him. Just to see his shining brown eyes one more time.
I remembered when we danced under the moonlight of this field. Once again, tears rolled down my tired face, landing in my hand, where his hand used to be. Used to be.
“C’mon, I’ll teach you.” Anthony had said, holding out his warm hands. I do remember the swing of his step, life of our little party, him showing off again. I would roll my eyes, and he’d just drag me closer to him, until our noses touched. “Dance.” He smirked, his hands on my waist. I’m not much for dancing, but for him, I did.
“I love you, more than you think you know.” Anthony had said, dropping his arms from my waist, and putting them on my face. He always seemed to do that. I loved when his hands scimmed across my face.
His eyes glimmered with honestly. “I know.” I said, hugging him, letting warm tears run from my eyes. The moment under the moonlight was so flawless, so raw, so stunning.
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
The question pounded my heart into pieces. “Because he didn’t love you.” My mind would say. But I couldn’t force myself to believe that, I just couldn’t. Because he did love me. He had said it so many times before, it was so wonderfully casual for us. But those perfect moments when he told me he loved me, I really believed him. I believed him. I believed him because he was honest. I believed him because I loved him.
I saw us walking down the road next to this field. I loved how Anthony put his hands in his pockets, how his chocolate eyes glittered whenever he was saying something sweet and beautiful. I was babbling about Smosh, with constant ideas of how things could be better with it. “So, I was thinking that-”
Anthony had pressed his lips against mine, interrupting my thought. But the only thought I cared about is how nice it felt. Anthony with me, his skin pressing against mine.
I loved how he kissed me in the middle of saying something, there honestly isn’t a day in my life where I miss those rude interruptions.
“I can’t help it, I love you.” Anthony grinned, holding my pale arms. “You’re too sweet, you know that?” I whispered into his ear, not caring that we were out on the street in the public scene. “I love you” He repeated, closing his sparkling eyes.
He told me he loved me, so why did he go?
His shirt fell around me, making me warm and fuzzy inside. It was like he was hugging me, except........he wasn’t.
The sun was almost gone over the fields, there was just a little light of illuminating heat at lowest valley in the grassy field. I ran there, wanting to hold on to every last light in my life.
My life had gotten pitch black and scary a lot, and there was no one around to save me from the monster under my bed anymore.
Every last light was something to hold on to.
My wallet slipped out of my pocket while I was running. It fell on the moist ground, opening up to a picture of Anthony and I when we first started making videos, him having long hair and me with thick bowl hair. We were in front of a mirror, goofing off as always. Normal for us. But it brought back so many memories. One by one, more pictures fell out, each of them having some memory attached to them, making little movies and montages that seemed to fill my head.
I watched our lives in pictures, like I used to watch him sleep. So peaceful, every moment with him was. I wouldn’t stop loving him, everything was so beautiful and calm, so intriguing. I bet he forgot all these moments, yet I'm still standing here, still feeling his breath on my neck.
I hope it’s nice and beautiful where he is. I hope he's happy. I hope he's grown used to his new life. I hope he's happy, because if I'm not happy, I need him to be happy. I hope he loves her and knows her well. I somehow hope he remembers today is the day we had our last kiss. I hope he knows that time can't change anything, even in a year. I hope he’s ok.
Because I’m not.
I’ve kept touch with our old friends just to ask them how he is. Same answer every time. “Living a great life” or “The usual” or “Fine”. I wasn’t fine. I felt like part of me was gone, a part of me hanging off the edge of a cliff, one more push or burn and I would fall off.
I hope you’re happy, Anthony. I hope when the sun shines over you and you’re standing in this field, something reminds you wished you had stayed with me. And you wouldn't have gone off looking for “more” in a relationship. Because she doesn’t love you like I do. She never will. No one will love you and understand you as much as I do.
You can change the weather and time, Anthony.
But I never planned on you changing your mind.
The memory of our bitter-beautiful last kiss flashed above my eyes. It was in the very spot, right in this low valley under a twisted tree in the sunned hills. “I promise I’ll love you forever.” He had said, resting his chin on my head. “I’ll love you forever too.” I whispered, putting my arms around his skinny waist, breathing lightly. I looked up, and our lips connected for a long beautiful minute, our silhouettes pressed against the orange canvas of the setting sun. “I love you so much, Ian.” Anthony had said, looking me straight in the blue eye, with complete honesty and love. I believed him.
“I know, I love you too. And I mean it. You're everything to me Anthony” I said, squeezing his soft hand. We fell down under the tree and lay next to each other, in comfortable silence. I lifted his chin up and hugged him for ages. Time stood still.
After that, he had left for a girl who could give him more, he had said.
I never imagined we’d end like this.
Thanks for reading! The song is by one of my favorite singers(If you find out, dont hate!), she's a girl. I say the song title several times in this, but it's kinda of hidden. The artist is very very popular, recently won an award ;) Give me a song title and artist name and your good! Again, concrit is welcome! Hope this wasn't too depressing:(
~Katie
EDIT: It's Last Kiss by Taylor Swift. I really love this song because I've been through it...a lot. If you listen to the song or the karaoke version of it with this it would make more sense:D