Living A lie- April Contest Entry
Hey guys, I just want to say I worked really hard on this. Oh and this is for the April Contest:) Its 2,500+ words, and that’s probably the longest oneshot I’ve ever written :0 Please correct any errors because it’s long and I probably missed one or two while editing. And enjoy, I worked on this for awhile and it’s one of my favs :)
Title: Living A Lie- April Contest
Rating: PG-13 for sexual references and gayness...maybe cuteness I don’t know xD
Summary: After Anthony and Ian sneak back into their old high school, painful memories and lies from the past surface between the two of them. The truth and lies come out.
Pairings: Ian/Anthony
AN: April contest :D And just look above xD Is it weird that this has fluff and angst? Hmm.Oh and it says they are 21. I know this. I wanted Ian to have his short hair(I think that's when he had it) because he's so cute with it :3 Lol, sorry I had to :)
Okai, well here it is :)
“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Ian let out a little giggle, like he was an excited child again. His blue eyes shimmered with happiness. The sky was darkening, purple clouds against the black canvas with twinkles and glimmers of stars painted against it. 21 year old Ian was super anxious, and he could just feel the adrenaline pumping heavily through his veins. Ian’s mouth wouldn’t form into a frown, no matter how hard he tried. It was like he could never stop smiling, the upright corners of his mouth glued to his cheeks. Ian loved this feeling mostly because he rarely got it now in days. “We’re soooo bad.” He whispered softly again, smiling and giggling like it’s Christmas day.
“Oh shut up, this isn’t the worst we’ve done.” 21 year old Anthony said, swiping back his long dark bangs that hung over his deep chocolate eyes. He had longer hair than Ian, much longer, considering Ian’s was very short and brown. Anthony was taller and more slim than Ian, and was usually more serious and smarter than him aswell. “I could think of 1,000 things more “bad” than just sneaking into our old high school.” Anthony said again, crossing his arms. Even though Anthony acted like this act was nothing, and it was something he did regularly, he could feel his heart pumping faster than it usually did. A smile formed on his pale pink lips.
The night had totally fell by now, a deep black and star spangled sky wrapped itself around the warm earth around both of the young boys. Crickets hummed their original songs and bugs whaled to the rhythm of each person’s heart, and occasional animals were whistling and howling for their loved one. The tall summer grasses swayed in the hot humid wind, trees danced to the pounding cool breeze against their summer soaked bark. California summer nights that were away from all the clamour of the earth always contained peace like no other place in the world. Nothing could compare to a night like this one. The night Ian and Anthony came back to their home. Their old high school.
Ian giggled again, and put a long shaking finger to his curved mouth. Ian seemed to be the more excited of the two since middle-school best friends. Ian didn’t really do anything bad or daring, so sneaking into his old high school school was a giant step in the “badass” direction. He loved the feeling of not being a goody-goody for the first time in his life. It made it all the better that his best friend Anthony was with him. Anthony was more of a crazy badass motha effer, so he didn’t care as much. Suddenly, they both stopped dead in their tracks to the school.
They had heard heavy footsteps from around the old school building, just feet away from them. A look of horror flashed suddenly from each of their faces. Quickly, they grabbed each other’s pale arms and dived into the nearest dumpster, which was utterly gross and disgusting. In Ian and Anthony plunged, trying to be hidden from the creature that could possibly catch them doing something....illegal. They both plugged their noses as they waited for the dangerous stranger to pass. When the man or woman did, they both got out of the disgusting dumpster and were holding in fits of relieved giggles.
“We almost got in twouble, Ant-on-ey.” Ian said, with a goofy baby voice and a gidddy smile. Anthony gave him a “Shut the hell up” look, but then just giggled some more of his perfect little high pitched laughs.
Ian giggled.
Anthony giggled.
Ian chuckled.
Anthony laughed.
Ian bellowed.
Anthony choked out fits of laughter.
Ian was now stumbling around laughing.
Anthony was doing the same.
Together they fell, in perfect movements of loud laughter over something that wasn’t even the least bit funny. They ended up on the cold sidewalk pavement, laying next to each other, breathing heavily and smiling into the other’s eyes. They heard distant footsteps again and got up and ran closer to the entrance of their old school around a hidden wall. From then on in their adventure, they were silent. The only thing that did the talking was the giddy eye glances and the excited smiles.
“This place brings back so many good memories.” Anthony whispered, just as they turned the hidden corner into their old highschool. Flashes like a movie played in their heads. Everyone they knew or used to know came back, looking younger and more free of pain. Both boy’s heads started to spin, fading and crashing memories crossing their minds like images of a drunken night. Bit by bit started to come back. It was only a couple years ago, yet it felt like yesterday they sat next to each other passing notes. They snapped back to real life. The high school was now again a part of their life. The walls were lined with pictures, the floors dirty and the air musky. Ian gave him a sad look.
“And bad memories.” Ian sighed, as he looked down the skinny hall, his eyes streching down the endless white floors where he once stood. Ian took a deep breath, and sucked all the bad memories back into the hidden side of his heart, where they should stay. Every little part of him cried, but not the outside of him. He couldn’t tell Anthony. Too much of a good friendship ruined by three words. Three words that meant everything to him but was carelessly thrown around by other people. He would never hurt Anthony, but in trying not to hurt Anthony, he hurt himself.
“Come sit down, over here!” Anthony pointed his finger to a little spot in the corner down by the older lockers, concealed by shadows. “Remember we used to just sit here and talk about everything and anything? We would skip classes just to hang out with eachother!” Anthony grinned at him, and Ian swallowed his tears and smiled at him. Every ounce of pain he had hidden since high school was swarming up to him, coming back to him. “Okay.” Ian said hoarsely, choking on the tears bubbling inside of him. “Don’t cry.” Ian told himself, turning away from Anthony. “It’ll all be alright.”
“Ian are you ok?” Anthony asked, touching Ian’s shoulder. A spark flew. A single spark reminding Ian he was still having that pain from high school. He hadn’t completely pushed it to the back of his heart. “Ya, lets go!” Ian shouted, gathering up his last ounce of happiness. The high school maybe wasn’t sucH a good idea. Too many memories. Too many reminders. Anthony chuckled, and grabbed Ian’s wrist. A spark flew in Ian’s eyes again. Anthony led them to the corner, where they snuggled up behind the lockers and relaxed in their old school for the first time in years.
“So...” Ian laughed, staring into Anthony’s deep eyes. They were awkwardly squished in this little corner, their bodies slightly touching. The heat from each man’s body filled the small space with cloudy air, making it humid and hot. Ian laid his head on Anthony’s shoulder and turned to smile at him. Ian giggled. “What’s up?” Anthony just looked at him and grinned stupidly while saying that, like it was some big joke. When Ian was about to reply, Anthony gasped. “No way. It’s still there?” Anthony looked behind them at a wall at a drawing of a heart. Ian groaned. Her.
“I remember my first girlfriend, Desirae Adams!” Anthony shouted in the small uncomfortable space, making Ian want to slap Anthony out his mind. Anthony traced the heart with his fingers. “Dude, someone could catch us!” Ian rudely hissed at Anthony for talking so loud, but it mostly because he wanted him to shutup about miss perfect Desirae. Perfect little Desirae. She was stupid and rude. Anthony should have never dated a low life self centered bitch like her. Floppy fake blonde hair, bright green eyes, and stupid freckles that splattered her ugly ass face. Nothing but a bitch with an attitude and legs that can open fairly easily.
Ian winced at his thoughts, feeling incredibly guilty. None of this was true. At all.
He was just jealous.
Desirae was actually really nice, and was great friends with Ian. She always cared about others, she wasn’t low or self centered at all. Desirae loved everything they loved, she was quite fun actually, to Ian. Nice to everyone, with natural blonde hair and little splecks of golden dots covering her nose. Her only attitude was incredibly nice and kind to everyone. She always said “no” to jerks who wanted to use her, and never had sex with someone she couldn’t trust. Desirae always cared for Anthony, making him laugh like Ian never could. Maybe that’s why Ian was so jealous. Desirae meant more to Anthony back then than he did.
“Yes Desirae...” Ian trailed off, his thoughts occupying him. That’s when he found out he was in love with Anthony more than anybody ever, when Anthony started dating Desirae. In the heat of his burning mind and jealousy, Ian did some terrible things. Things that he regretted and wished he could take back. Things that made Desirae’s bright green eyes fill with tears. Things that made an innocent girl who did nothing wrong look terrible and sick. Things that made a broken-hearted girl move out of the state. All because of Ian Andrew Hecox. All because of him, he broke an innocent girl’s heart.
“Desirae...she was perfect.” Anthony trailed off and looked down onto his ripped jeans. His eyes met up to Ian’s, full of disbelief and sadness. “I just don’t believe her. It didn’t seem Desirae at all, the thing she did. I know her well, I just can’t see her doing something so bad.” Anthony said, as Ian’s skin itched with guilt and pain. Anthony dropped his gaze from Ian’s as the last, bitter words of sadness flowed out of his mouth. “But she did. She left me because of her. She left all the way out of the state because she made a mistake.” Anthony stopped, one more taste of saltiness lingered on his tongue. “I would have forgiven her. But she left. Because of me.”
Ian died on the inside. Every part of him exploded with honest guilt, every part longing to tell Anthony everything he’s ever held in, ever. Images of pain burst in front of him as Ian’s eyes poured out fresh hot tears. Whales of “I’m sorry!” and “No it was my fault Anthony!” and “I never meant for it to go this far” flowed from Ian’s mouth again and again, his words being mashed together and slurred. He couldn’t even see he was crying so hard. He HAD hurt Anthony. As well as hurting himself. As well as hurting an innocent girl who meant nothing bad.
“What..Ian what are you talking about?” Anthony wrapped an arm around Ian, trying comfort him as uncontrollable tears fell from his eyes. Ian spent about five minutes crying so hard he couldn’t talk, with his head buried in Anthony’s shoulder. Sniffles of pain escaped Ian’s nose as he tried to breathe for air before letting out a long sob again. Anthony sat there, staring at Ian with worried eyes. Once Ian had cried every ounce of him out, he looked into Anthony’s eyes with trembling lips and spoke one sentence that summed up everything.
“My whole life with you has been a lie.”
Ian poured out every single thing he had kept in since the day they met. His lies and his painful truth: “I made up the rumour about Desirae using you to make other guys jealous, and it hurt her so bad she moved away from us.” and “I’ve been in love with you since forever, and I did the thing to Desirae because of jealousy.” and “I’m gay Anthony, and I always thought you would judge me because I didn’t know you.” and “Melanie knows I’m gay, I’m just her really good friend and she helps me cope through this.” and “I’ve been so jealous of all your girlfriends I’ve never actually tried to tell you, I’ve just tried to get them out of the way.” and so on, Ian poured out lie after lie, truth after truth, until he sat there sobbing with Anthony looking straight at him.
Ian felt like he emptied out his heart, but he knew Anthony’s just got a trash load of feelings added to his life.
Ian sniffled, waiting for Anthony’s reaction. Should Anthony trust him anymore? Should Anthony trust the man who’s been living a lie? There were two sides of Anthony’s brain. Two battling, lies and truth.
Anthony didn’t know what hurt more.
The fact that Ian has lied to him about loving him since the day they met, and lied to him about everything with Desirae and lied about his whole life.
Or the truth. Saying that Ian actually did do this to Desirae, and has been hiding the biggest secret in the world since forever. Hiding the secret from his BEST FRIEND. The truth of what Ian did.
They were two painful things. One, truth, meaning that he did do them, two, lies, meaning that he covered them up for his own good.
One last time he looked in Ian’s eyes and saw forgiveness. But when Ian looked back, all he saw was a blank face. No emotion. Just no reaction.
Anthony sat there. He lifted Ian’s chin gently, speaking softly and full of honesty. “Why did you love me Ian?” Anthony whispered. Ian looked up and frowned.
“ I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter now. I don’t deserve you to love me after all I did.” Ian spoke quietly.
“I know.” Ian’s face fell even more with tiny sobs when Anthony spoke to him. Anthony lifted up Ian’s cold chin again.
“But it’s not like I’ve been telling you everything.” Anthony whispered as Ian’s face turned puzzled.
One by one, Anthony admitted everything he did to Ian, breaking down and crying as he did. On and on he rambled, stuttering with tears on the really horrible things, and turning red at the embarrassing things. “Wow, Anthony has done some pretty bad things...” Ian thought to himself as Anthony rambled on. “I guess we’re even.” Ian spoke softly, not actually meaning to say it out loud. Anthony stopped listing lies and truths.
“I guess so.” Anthony looked down nervously. This was it. Nor Ian or Anthony knew what was going to happen next, it was all so precious. Anthony took a deep breath, and slid closer to Ian.
“There’s one last thing I didn’t mention.” Anthony whispered, his breath on Ian’s chin. “I’ve loved you since forever too.”
The space between them closed.
In all honesty, there’s no way to describe the kiss that happened between them. Breathtaking, wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, yes. All those things. But for both boys, one word described every second of the kiss.
Perfect.
Thanks for reading!
~101giggities :)