acidpop25: "Mistakes," PG
Title: Mistakes
Author: acidpop25
Rating: PG
Prompt Set: 50.4
Prompt: #8, "Unforgiveable"
Word Count: 420
Summary: "I've made mistakes. I know that. I don't like to admit it, but I know it well enough."
Warnings: none
Notes: Post-Hogwarts.
I've made mistakes. I know that. I don't like to admit it, but I know it well enough.
Trying to make Ron into something less than me was a mistake, a bad one. I know why I did it, but the reason is not an excuse. I needed... I needed control. When you have Bill and Charlie to follow, you have no choice but to be the best, you don't get to chose your own path. You choose ambition or you choose to be a disappointment. And you have to be better than someone, and I tried to be better than Ron. But it was petty and needy of me, and it's not something I'm proud of, and not a rift that can ever be completely mended. I know that.
Trying to be better than my family was a bigger mistake still, even if I only did it because of them, because I had something to prove. Look at me, I was screaming, look at me, I can do better than all of you! But they didn't hear it over the clamour of the household and I went farther and farther, got, well, desperate, even, and it lost me the love of people I only ever wanted to care about me and accept me and tell me everything's fine, Percy, you're wonderful just as you are and we love you. I'll never get what I need from them now.
It was a mistake bordering on criminal to take for myself what belonged to my sister. And even though Harry was a willing participant, it was wrong of me. Wrong of him, too, yes, but my blame is the worse one. And there's no grand motivation for it- I wanted him, so I took him. He's so, so handsome, grown strong and mature, with those brilliant eyes and wild hair and boyish grin. Harry is magnetic; there was no resisting it, and I, weak as I am, barely tried. Just gave in to the want, to the need to experience him and fall into those eyes and find some sort of kinship in one who, in his way, had also been an outcast all his life. And more than being with him, it was a terrible mistake to hope, somewhere in the secret dark corners of my mind, that he could be mine. That he could love me... the way I came to love him.
It was a mistake to love him, but it was unforgivable to never tell him so.
Author: acidpop25
Rating: PG
Prompt Set: 50.4
Prompt: #8, "Unforgiveable"
Word Count: 420
Summary: "I've made mistakes. I know that. I don't like to admit it, but I know it well enough."
Warnings: none
Notes: Post-Hogwarts.
I've made mistakes. I know that. I don't like to admit it, but I know it well enough.
Trying to make Ron into something less than me was a mistake, a bad one. I know why I did it, but the reason is not an excuse. I needed... I needed control. When you have Bill and Charlie to follow, you have no choice but to be the best, you don't get to chose your own path. You choose ambition or you choose to be a disappointment. And you have to be better than someone, and I tried to be better than Ron. But it was petty and needy of me, and it's not something I'm proud of, and not a rift that can ever be completely mended. I know that.
Trying to be better than my family was a bigger mistake still, even if I only did it because of them, because I had something to prove. Look at me, I was screaming, look at me, I can do better than all of you! But they didn't hear it over the clamour of the household and I went farther and farther, got, well, desperate, even, and it lost me the love of people I only ever wanted to care about me and accept me and tell me everything's fine, Percy, you're wonderful just as you are and we love you. I'll never get what I need from them now.
It was a mistake bordering on criminal to take for myself what belonged to my sister. And even though Harry was a willing participant, it was wrong of me. Wrong of him, too, yes, but my blame is the worse one. And there's no grand motivation for it- I wanted him, so I took him. He's so, so handsome, grown strong and mature, with those brilliant eyes and wild hair and boyish grin. Harry is magnetic; there was no resisting it, and I, weak as I am, barely tried. Just gave in to the want, to the need to experience him and fall into those eyes and find some sort of kinship in one who, in his way, had also been an outcast all his life. And more than being with him, it was a terrible mistake to hope, somewhere in the secret dark corners of my mind, that he could be mine. That he could love me... the way I came to love him.
It was a mistake to love him, but it was unforgivable to never tell him so.