jellybean_slash: Of Bill Weasley and Ball Gags (HP/SS, R)
Title: Of Bill Weasley and Ball Gags
Author: jellybean_slash
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Rating: R
Set: 50.4
Prompt: #10, "Writing"
Word Count: 1,077
Summary: A series of letters between Harry and Severus.
Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story.
Severus,
I know I said that I would write sooner, but the last few months have been so busy. You would love the manor we're working on now -- it's full of some of the nastiest curses imaginable. Bill reckons we'll finish it off in the next few weeks, but it's been fairly slow-going so far. I had no idea there were so many different ways to curse someone's bollocks off.
Since we probably won't be at it much longer, I'll likely have a bit of time off -- maybe a week or two. I was thinking of stopping off at Hogwarts for a visit. I know you're probably busy, but I really miss you would like to see you can probably think of something we can do to get our minds off of work for a while.
You can send a reply back with Hedwig if you want. She's the only owl that will be able to find me through the wards around this place.
Love, Sincerely, Harry.
Potter,
Two months and already you're complaining. You are a sorry excuse for a curse breaker, aren't you?
If you insist on visiting, bring Ashwinder eggs. They should be ridiculously easy to get hold of in that area.
S.S.
Severus,
I'm not complaining, you git, I just wanted to tell you that I'd been busy so you didn't think I'd forgotten you. Besides which, Bill says I'm quite gifted.
Of course, it would have to be one of the most volatile potions ingredients available, wouldn't it?
Harry.
Potter,
You can rest assured that I did not lose a moment of sleep at the thought of you having "forgotten me." Some of us have better things to do with our time than watch the skies for any sign of owl post from the Boy Wonder.
Pity, I always considered Bill Weasley one of my more promising students. It appears I over-estimated his intelligence.
They are only volatile in the hands of those not competent enough to know how to handle them.
S.S.
Snarky Bastard Severus,
So, you think I'm competent enough to handle Ashwinder eggs? I'm flattered, Severus, truly.
Bill is one of the smartest men of his generation, and you know it, you miserable old sod Severus. Just today he dismantled one of the most complex curse webs I have ever seen, all by himself! It's so amazing to watch him work, he really is brilliant.
I'll get you your Ashwinder eggs. Not that you deserve them.
Harry.
Potter,
Not once did I say I thought you in any way competent enough to handle them, I merely informed you that they were not volatile unless in the hands of an idiot. I look so forward to seeing the spectacular mess you make of yourself.
Any man who considers you gifted is quite the opposite of brilliant, Potter. And I have no need, nor desire, to hear of that red-headed pillock Bill Weasley's latest amazing accomplishment.
I am enduring your laughable attempt at correspondence, I daresay I deserve more than mere Ashwinder eggs.
S.S.
Severus,
Oh, is that a hint of jealousy I hear? Afraid I'm going to run off with the wonderful, kind, long-haired Curse Breaker and leave you with an empty bed? You needn't be. Besides the fact that you're an absolutely mind-blowing shag a fucking sex god very special to me, Bill's straight as an arrow. And those freckles. Ugh.
More than the eggs, eh? Well, that can certainly be arranged. I still have the ball gag you know...
Harry.
Potter,
You didn't hear anything, you merely read more into my message than was necessary and drew your own, incorrect, assumptions. I can say, in all honesty, that I could not possibly care less about that wanker Weasley's sexual orientation.
Your prick is not designed for thinking, Potter, do cease trying.
S.S.
P.S: The green one?
Severus,
Yeah, whatever you say. Can't you just admit that you were jealous, like a normal person? And you should care about Bill's sexual preference. He's drop dead gorgeous.
No, my prick is designed for much more stimulating endeavours.
Harry.
P.S: The very same.
Potter,
I've no reason to be jealous, as you are free to bed whomever you please. And did you honestly expect me to buy into your "drop dead gorgeous" remark after you moaned over the man's freckles? A pathetic attempt, Potter, even by your low standards. One might think that you were purposely attempting to goad me into jealousy.
S.S.
Severus,
One would be right. Would it kill you to care? Perhaps show me you actually give a damn if I run off with the next guy with a cute arse I meet? You can't be cold and unfeeling all the fucking time. Maybe I like jealous, possessive behaviour every once in a while. For someone so smart, you really are extremely dense. It's not like I'm asking you to prove your undying love for me by writing me soppy love notes or reciting poetry as we lie in bed together after 'making love'. You wanker.
Bill's invited me back to the Burrow for the break, says Charlie would be lonely surrounded by all the happy couples. So, if you really don't want to put up with me, I can stay there instead. Don't worry, you'll get your Ashwinder eggs either way.
Make sure you tell me soon, I'll have to give Bill my answer.
Harry.
Idiot Boy Potter Harry,
That had all the subtlety of a rampaging hippogriff. Congratulations.
You are free to spend your break wherever you feel most comfortable, so the choice is most certainly not mine I could likely withstand your presence for a few short weeks I would be happy willing to 'put up with' you. And I've heard that Charlie Weasley makes the most appalling noises during intercourse.
Severus.
Severus,
Then I would be willing to force my presence upon you.
Bill is working on the last ward as we speak, so I imagine we'll be out of here by nightfall. Last chance to back out, Professor. Once I'm there, there'll be no getting rid of me. You'll be trapped in your rooms with me every night, in that big, comfy bed...
Harry.
Potter,
Bring the gag.
S.S.
Severus,
Yes, sir.
Harry.
P.S: You might as well keep Hedwig there with you, the last ward just fell. I think she likes you better anyways. Why is it that you can spoil her, but all you ever want to do is punish me?
Severus,
The next time you get the urge to fuck my surrogate godson over your sofa -- and you will be pleased to learn that I will never again set foot in your sitting room -- please restrain yourself long enough to turn off the Dict-O-Quill.
Remus.
P.S: Harry, where did you learn those words?
Author: jellybean_slash
Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Rating: R
Set: 50.4
Prompt: #10, "Writing"
Word Count: 1,077
Summary: A series of letters between Harry and Severus.
Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story.
Severus,
I know I said that I would write sooner, but the last few months have been so busy. You would love the manor we're working on now -- it's full of some of the nastiest curses imaginable. Bill reckons we'll finish it off in the next few weeks, but it's been fairly slow-going so far. I had no idea there were so many different ways to curse someone's bollocks off.
Since we probably won't be at it much longer, I'll likely have a bit of time off -- maybe a week or two. I was thinking of stopping off at Hogwarts for a visit. I know you're probably busy, but I really miss you would like to see you can probably think of something we can do to get our minds off of work for a while.
You can send a reply back with Hedwig if you want. She's the only owl that will be able to find me through the wards around this place.
Love, Sincerely, Harry.
Potter,
Two months and already you're complaining. You are a sorry excuse for a curse breaker, aren't you?
If you insist on visiting, bring Ashwinder eggs. They should be ridiculously easy to get hold of in that area.
S.S.
Severus,
I'm not complaining, you git, I just wanted to tell you that I'd been busy so you didn't think I'd forgotten you. Besides which, Bill says I'm quite gifted.
Of course, it would have to be one of the most volatile potions ingredients available, wouldn't it?
Harry.
Potter,
You can rest assured that I did not lose a moment of sleep at the thought of you having "forgotten me." Some of us have better things to do with our time than watch the skies for any sign of owl post from the Boy Wonder.
Pity, I always considered Bill Weasley one of my more promising students. It appears I over-estimated his intelligence.
They are only volatile in the hands of those not competent enough to know how to handle them.
S.S.
Snarky Bastard Severus,
So, you think I'm competent enough to handle Ashwinder eggs? I'm flattered, Severus, truly.
Bill is one of the smartest men of his generation, and you know it, you miserable old sod Severus. Just today he dismantled one of the most complex curse webs I have ever seen, all by himself! It's so amazing to watch him work, he really is brilliant.
I'll get you your Ashwinder eggs. Not that you deserve them.
Harry.
Potter,
Not once did I say I thought you in any way competent enough to handle them, I merely informed you that they were not volatile unless in the hands of an idiot. I look so forward to seeing the spectacular mess you make of yourself.
Any man who considers you gifted is quite the opposite of brilliant, Potter. And I have no need, nor desire, to hear of that red-headed pillock Bill Weasley's latest amazing accomplishment.
I am enduring your laughable attempt at correspondence, I daresay I deserve more than mere Ashwinder eggs.
S.S.
Severus,
Oh, is that a hint of jealousy I hear? Afraid I'm going to run off with the wonderful, kind, long-haired Curse Breaker and leave you with an empty bed? You needn't be. Besides the fact that you're an absolutely mind-blowing shag a fucking sex god very special to me, Bill's straight as an arrow. And those freckles. Ugh.
More than the eggs, eh? Well, that can certainly be arranged. I still have the ball gag you know...
Harry.
Potter,
You didn't hear anything, you merely read more into my message than was necessary and drew your own, incorrect, assumptions. I can say, in all honesty, that I could not possibly care less about that wanker Weasley's sexual orientation.
Your prick is not designed for thinking, Potter, do cease trying.
S.S.
P.S: The green one?
Severus,
Yeah, whatever you say. Can't you just admit that you were jealous, like a normal person? And you should care about Bill's sexual preference. He's drop dead gorgeous.
No, my prick is designed for much more stimulating endeavours.
Harry.
P.S: The very same.
Potter,
I've no reason to be jealous, as you are free to bed whomever you please. And did you honestly expect me to buy into your "drop dead gorgeous" remark after you moaned over the man's freckles? A pathetic attempt, Potter, even by your low standards. One might think that you were purposely attempting to goad me into jealousy.
S.S.
Severus,
One would be right. Would it kill you to care? Perhaps show me you actually give a damn if I run off with the next guy with a cute arse I meet? You can't be cold and unfeeling all the fucking time. Maybe I like jealous, possessive behaviour every once in a while. For someone so smart, you really are extremely dense. It's not like I'm asking you to prove your undying love for me by writing me soppy love notes or reciting poetry as we lie in bed together after 'making love'. You wanker.
Bill's invited me back to the Burrow for the break, says Charlie would be lonely surrounded by all the happy couples. So, if you really don't want to put up with me, I can stay there instead. Don't worry, you'll get your Ashwinder eggs either way.
Make sure you tell me soon, I'll have to give Bill my answer.
Harry.
Idiot Boy Potter Harry,
That had all the subtlety of a rampaging hippogriff. Congratulations.
You are free to spend your break wherever you feel most comfortable, so the choice is most certainly not mine I could likely withstand your presence for a few short weeks I would be happy willing to 'put up with' you. And I've heard that Charlie Weasley makes the most appalling noises during intercourse.
Severus.
Severus,
Then I would be willing to force my presence upon you.
Bill is working on the last ward as we speak, so I imagine we'll be out of here by nightfall. Last chance to back out, Professor. Once I'm there, there'll be no getting rid of me. You'll be trapped in your rooms with me every night, in that big, comfy bed...
Harry.
Potter,
Bring the gag.
S.S.
Severus,
Yes, sir.
Harry.
P.S: You might as well keep Hedwig there with you, the last ward just fell. I think she likes you better anyways. Why is it that you can spoil her, but all you ever want to do is punish me?
Severus,
The next time you get the urge to fuck my surrogate godson over your sofa -- and you will be pleased to learn that I will never again set foot in your sitting room -- please restrain yourself long enough to turn off the Dict-O-Quill.
Remus.
P.S: Harry, where did you learn those words?