Comments | 100originalfics: British Circle: Stone Days (Months: 009)

passingwindows in 100originalfics

British Circle: Stone Days (Months: 009)

Mar 24, 2007 12:48

Title: Stone Days
’Verse/characters: British Circle
Prompt: Months (009)
Word Count: 725
Rating: PG for very faint sexual motifs
Notes: Separation. Set approximately a year after the novel.

Three months

Thorn Castleford lay on his back in the exact centre of a bed that felt far too big. Stretching his arms out until they touched the ( Read more... )

british circle, passingwindows

Comments 6

lilimist March 25 2007, 01:41:25 UTC

Interesting, I look forward to seeing where this goes...

passingwindows March 29 2007, 07:47:01 UTC

Hee, thank you! Sorry I didn't reply earlier.

These will all feel a little disjointed, I'm afraid: the fictions are all set around an already existing novel-in-progress, and are intended to- I suppose- clear my head about the characters and the way they behave.

Hope you enjoyed it.

sophonica March 25 2007, 12:03:52 UTC

I adore it. Your writing's quite beautiful in this short.

The steady ticking makes her ache to pick it up, turn it over so she can see the little controlling dials that must be turned with a fingernail... Hee. The Sound and the Fury? If so, snaps for alluding to gorgeous books.

an anonymous hotel, in an anonymous hotel on an anonymous street in an anonymous town You have two 'anonymous hotels' there. I'd keep the repetition of 'anonymous' to three, when you change it... while I see what you're doing, the word itself has too many syllables to be used frequently while keeping the sentence smooth.

Thorn knew it wasn’t just her. This wasn’t only about her. It was about geese overhead, travelling on instinct, and about the way that the clouds vanished and vanished and vanished over the curved horizons. Her letters were a catalyst, and the emptiness of echoing floorboards in his ears was hers alone.

But- oh, but…

This? Best paragraph in the whole thing. Perfect.

Thank you for writing!

passingwindows March 29 2007, 07:54:51 UTC

Ha, thank you for reading!
I'm glad you loved that last paragraph. It was one of those terribly satisfying ones where you finish it and go..."Oh, so that's what I meant!" I was terrified that it sounded pretentious, so I'm glad you liked it.

And yes, Sound and the Fury references for the win. *beam*

nightsgift March 26 2007, 20:15:53 UTC

Oh, so terribly sadly pretty. The imagery is - if you don't mind me stealing themes from your first paragraph - breathtaking, the sadness and the waiting comes across incredibly strongly. I would agree with Sophonica on the overuse of anonymous, three times works but with the use of four and the repetition of hotel it loses impetus.

The only other thing I could possibly criticise is that it's possibly a little bit too sad if that makes sense, I'm verging dangerously onto the ground of personal preference so feel free to ignore this next bit if you don't agree. It does seem a little too bleak in places, there is just lots and lots of sadness with very little to break the theme which can make it lose effect. That said it wasn't that obvious in here since it was such a short.

The imagery is brilliant (I know I have already commented on it but I thought it worth commenting again) and your word choices seem to be spot on in every case.

Very much enjoyed.

passingwindows March 29 2007, 07:56:57 UTC

Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I want it to feel unrelentingly sad, so I'm glad you found it so. The end is hopeful though, ne? Two months gone, only one to go...?

I'm glad you liked the imagery, and the hotel bit I am aware of: it's a typo, and there were only supposed to be three 'anonymous'es. Should that be anonymi?

Thanks for reviewing.