Comments | 100originalfics: REVENANT: PART II: Earth [Prompt 53]

lilimist in 100originalfics

REVENANT: PART II: Earth [Prompt 53]

Oct 27, 2006 20:26

Title: Revenant
’Verse/characters: Revenant/Celestienne
Prompt: #53 Earth
Word Count: 247
Rating: PG
Series Summary: In a post-apocalyptic future, a single pocket of Eden remains where a handful of survivors dwell. And then, there are those who were created for this world...

( On into nowhere, chasing the void... )

lilimist

Comments 6

hallwaydancer October 27 2006, 15:18:54 UTC

Very interesting. I rather like the writing style as well.

-GC

lilimist October 28 2006, 02:33:32 UTC

Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I'm glad you're enjoying it XD

pixiesdelight January 8 2007, 22:21:49 UTC

There is a twisted sort of beauty to your story, y'know? This particular installment really evoked some vivid images, simultaneously making me think of Salvador Dali and his fantastic surrealist paintings.

That's actually what this whole installment was for me, surreal. The wildness and freedom of your character, the stark omniousity of his surroundings. Woah!

I'm currently making my way onto installment... 3. See you there.

Toodles!

lilimist January 8 2007, 22:46:33 UTC

thank you so ^_^ your comments are wonderful (by that; I don't just mean that they're nice, I also mean they're well-thought out and let me know that I'm having the right effect on an intelligent reader.)

originalpuck January 28 2007, 20:13:32 UTC

This installment contains some very intense imagery. Especially powerful is the first paragraph, where we are first jumping into his bumpy dash.

Good use of short statements in the sentences to provoke a feeling of rushed frenzy-- even when the sentence is long, it's broken up by repeated commas. Very effective.

This installment left me breathless with him-- I wanted to leap up and feel the bubbling of my blood and dash off with him.

The only thing I noticed was that it took me until the second paragraph to realize that the end-line was supposed to be connected-yet-seperate in it's own right. Perhaps shifting the way that it's formatted, so that it's easier to pick out? Otherwise, I thought it was a typo the first time I read it, and had to pull them out seperatly to get the true impact of the lines.

Speaking of the lines, they worked very well at propelling the action foward, and adding to the over-all eerie feeling of his sprint.

Great job!

lilimist January 29 2007, 02:55:36 UTC

Thankyou so much. Your comments are always really thoughtful and insightful. I'm so glad it had that effect on you ^_^

Hmm, I'm not sure what to do about the formatting though, although I do understand what you're saying. I could paragraph break it, rather than line break it, but that would seem to make the line stand out a little too much, so I'm not sure what to do about that, yet... I'll have to have a think about it ^^;

Thanks again XD