(no subject)
When it comes to this LJ (or any similar medium of communication I might find on the Internet), one question I have never been able to find a complete answer for is what I should write about. Or more precisely, which topics are acceptable (in lack of a better word) and which aren't? Is it OK to write about a certain thing or is it too involved, too revealing? Will I be embarrassed about it the next day and wish I hadn't posted it? Or maybe, the opposite problem, is what I'm writing too trivial, too unimportant and flat-out uninteresting to make it worth the effort? I've never been completely able to measure such things.
When I started this LJ, quite some time ago as it happens, it was to be a means of expression, a place where I would encourage myself to say whatever needed to be said, a luxury I did not permit myself too often in the real world. So I wrote all sort of things here in those "early days", and I slowly learned the consequences (good and bad) of such forthcoming transparency. Then, for some reason, I simply stopped. There was no conscious decision at work, no preconceived plan, not even a clarifying explanation. It just happened. I always thought (actually knew) I would start writing entries again. It was always somewhere in the back of my mind, but for a long time I just didn't feel any desire to do it.
A few months ago I started another journal (or blog, as it seems "hip" to call it these days), this time in Spanish, and readily accessible to a lot of people I know in the real world. An interesting phenomenon took place. I had found out early on that a lot of my friends simply weren't willing (or ready, or whatever the word might be) to read the entries I posted in here. They probably visited this page once or twice out of politeness and didn't come back. So after a while I found that the only audience that I had in here were my LJ friends. They were people I shared quite a few things with, but whom I never knew in person, and had little realistic chance of meeting them in the near future. Looking back on it, I think it gave me a sense of freedom, of being able to write what I wanted without the extremely reserved, bashful part of my being complaining of a blatant lack of discretion, without having to feel like someone could be offended, or bored, or that they might laugh with something that was intended to be serious or yawn with something that was intended to be amusing.
My new blog has pretty much shown me the other side on a couple of occasions. This time lots of people have access to what I write, many more than I would like actually, and while most of them still don't pay that much attention to my entries (they might read them occasionally when they remember, but never ever leave a comment), I never cease to be amazed at how many people actually know of the existence of my blog, and how many actually have read at least some of my entries. People I barely know, people from work, friends both close and distant. It's really amazing in that sense.
But all this exposure has a cost. From the get-go,I knew I could not afford to post anything I wanted, basically because I didn't want to bee under scrutiny from all this people. So I decided that anything too personal or too intimate didn't belong there, and I have generally tried to steer away from such entries. Also, there are certain practical matter I cannot address in a blog, as they are bound to get me in very real trouble (it happened once at work, for instance). So, inevitably, high visibility means low content of information. Or in other words, a bigger, (somewhat) more willing audience means I have to restrain myself in what I have to say. Interesting paradox.
Which bring me back to this good old LJ. In here, my visibility is pretty low (it might have actually dropped to non-existent after all this time with very limited updates), which would suggest that my potential for information content is huge, perhaps even unlimited. It might be so. But for now I still don't really know what to post. I have tons of ideas, but I dismiss many of them because I consider them too boring, or too involved, or too difficult to develop without having to write 10000 words or whatever, or just to "unmanageable". Other times I think of ideas that I like and want to write about, but I can't find the opportunity to post them until I deem too late (many of the things I can post in here rely on timing). That explains why I haven't been very active in here recently.
Anyway, this is another one of those entries that may not be very relevant, but I felt it had to be written anyway.
Later.
When I started this LJ, quite some time ago as it happens, it was to be a means of expression, a place where I would encourage myself to say whatever needed to be said, a luxury I did not permit myself too often in the real world. So I wrote all sort of things here in those "early days", and I slowly learned the consequences (good and bad) of such forthcoming transparency. Then, for some reason, I simply stopped. There was no conscious decision at work, no preconceived plan, not even a clarifying explanation. It just happened. I always thought (actually knew) I would start writing entries again. It was always somewhere in the back of my mind, but for a long time I just didn't feel any desire to do it.
A few months ago I started another journal (or blog, as it seems "hip" to call it these days), this time in Spanish, and readily accessible to a lot of people I know in the real world. An interesting phenomenon took place. I had found out early on that a lot of my friends simply weren't willing (or ready, or whatever the word might be) to read the entries I posted in here. They probably visited this page once or twice out of politeness and didn't come back. So after a while I found that the only audience that I had in here were my LJ friends. They were people I shared quite a few things with, but whom I never knew in person, and had little realistic chance of meeting them in the near future. Looking back on it, I think it gave me a sense of freedom, of being able to write what I wanted without the extremely reserved, bashful part of my being complaining of a blatant lack of discretion, without having to feel like someone could be offended, or bored, or that they might laugh with something that was intended to be serious or yawn with something that was intended to be amusing.
My new blog has pretty much shown me the other side on a couple of occasions. This time lots of people have access to what I write, many more than I would like actually, and while most of them still don't pay that much attention to my entries (they might read them occasionally when they remember, but never ever leave a comment), I never cease to be amazed at how many people actually know of the existence of my blog, and how many actually have read at least some of my entries. People I barely know, people from work, friends both close and distant. It's really amazing in that sense.
But all this exposure has a cost. From the get-go,I knew I could not afford to post anything I wanted, basically because I didn't want to bee under scrutiny from all this people. So I decided that anything too personal or too intimate didn't belong there, and I have generally tried to steer away from such entries. Also, there are certain practical matter I cannot address in a blog, as they are bound to get me in very real trouble (it happened once at work, for instance). So, inevitably, high visibility means low content of information. Or in other words, a bigger, (somewhat) more willing audience means I have to restrain myself in what I have to say. Interesting paradox.
Which bring me back to this good old LJ. In here, my visibility is pretty low (it might have actually dropped to non-existent after all this time with very limited updates), which would suggest that my potential for information content is huge, perhaps even unlimited. It might be so. But for now I still don't really know what to post. I have tons of ideas, but I dismiss many of them because I consider them too boring, or too involved, or too difficult to develop without having to write 10000 words or whatever, or just to "unmanageable". Other times I think of ideas that I like and want to write about, but I can't find the opportunity to post them until I deem too late (many of the things I can post in here rely on timing). That explains why I haven't been very active in here recently.
Anyway, this is another one of those entries that may not be very relevant, but I felt it had to be written anyway.
Later.