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Okay, I don't give a fuck who reads this, so I'm going to write what ever the fuck I want. I need a place where I can really vent and sadly everyone finds them and I end up offending someone. You know, it's called my opinion, deal with it. This is mainly just a post to get something up so my page isn't blank like it has been for the past few months. I'm still working on the post that I started this account for. It will be long and will spare no deltails of my accounts. But you'll see that soon enough...
While I'm here I might as well throw some shit out, see if it makes me feel any better before I goto sleep. Oh yea, if this seems like I'm whining...yea it's cuz I am. I don't want to hear any shit about anything I say. Matter of fact I don't think I'll enable comments on most of my post.
Yep...I don't know who I am anymore. This always fucking happens to me. It happened in High School, right after I graduated and it's happening now. I need to stop defineing myself off of my friends. Every time I have a shift in friends I find out that the other people I used to hang out with really piss me off. I don't know if it's me growing up or them...Lately I've been hanging out with a bunhc of new people. KC and Brandon just to name the two main ones. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and it scares the hell out of me. I'm sitting here about to freaking break down and cry because I don't know what I'm going to be doing the next week, month, or year. I'm a fucking loser...just like everyone has told me for years. I have no goals, no ambition, nothing to look forward to. Every time something good happens to me, three bad things come along and shoot me down. God I feel like I'm about to have a freaking panic attack. I thought I was punk, I wasn't, i thought i was a raver...i wasnt...WHAT THE FUCK AM I!? more like who...i dont know i dont know i dont know.
this is gonna take a while......i hate wanting something i cant have.....or someone. if it was something i could most likely do something about it and get it, but no...i cant control a person. they have their own will to make dessisions and i cant do a damn thing about it.
I miss my ex...im not gonna lie. it is stronger some days than others, but for the most part i can deal with it. everyone thinks that im so much happier without her. but they never fucking knew how happy she really made me. they dont understand that i didnt break up with her, she dumped me. I'm the dumb ass who treated her like shit and cheated on her. she dumped me and i didnt want her to. i knew that i had to let her go b/c she wouldnt want to be with me when she found everything out. so i let her go without a fight, even tryed to push her away before, but she had to know. i hate that she is in some other guys arms and not mine. she was mine and no one is ever gonna be anything like her. no one will ever mean as much to me. i made the wrong dessions and hell i still cant tell you why, but i know that i fucked up and cant take them back. and that ive forever lost her. i couldnt replace her if i wanted to. i keep trying to find something or someone to do that and nothing. i dont think anything could replace her, and even if i could find someone...i dont think they would do much better. ive only been around one other girl that i havent imidiatly compaired to her. but like i said, i hate wanting what i cant have. I cant have her, i cant have my ex...i have nothing. i have a job that doesnt pay the bills, that im getting raped by the shifts. (noted i need to be asleep right now)
fuck it, im drained...i had a long day at work, with a lot of shit on my mind, and now all this came out. i cant deal with life...someone call the morge, im not waking up.
While I'm here I might as well throw some shit out, see if it makes me feel any better before I goto sleep. Oh yea, if this seems like I'm whining...yea it's cuz I am. I don't want to hear any shit about anything I say. Matter of fact I don't think I'll enable comments on most of my post.
Yep...I don't know who I am anymore. This always fucking happens to me. It happened in High School, right after I graduated and it's happening now. I need to stop defineing myself off of my friends. Every time I have a shift in friends I find out that the other people I used to hang out with really piss me off. I don't know if it's me growing up or them...Lately I've been hanging out with a bunhc of new people. KC and Brandon just to name the two main ones. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and it scares the hell out of me. I'm sitting here about to freaking break down and cry because I don't know what I'm going to be doing the next week, month, or year. I'm a fucking loser...just like everyone has told me for years. I have no goals, no ambition, nothing to look forward to. Every time something good happens to me, three bad things come along and shoot me down. God I feel like I'm about to have a freaking panic attack. I thought I was punk, I wasn't, i thought i was a raver...i wasnt...WHAT THE FUCK AM I!? more like who...i dont know i dont know i dont know.
this is gonna take a while......i hate wanting something i cant have.....or someone. if it was something i could most likely do something about it and get it, but no...i cant control a person. they have their own will to make dessisions and i cant do a damn thing about it.
I miss my ex...im not gonna lie. it is stronger some days than others, but for the most part i can deal with it. everyone thinks that im so much happier without her. but they never fucking knew how happy she really made me. they dont understand that i didnt break up with her, she dumped me. I'm the dumb ass who treated her like shit and cheated on her. she dumped me and i didnt want her to. i knew that i had to let her go b/c she wouldnt want to be with me when she found everything out. so i let her go without a fight, even tryed to push her away before, but she had to know. i hate that she is in some other guys arms and not mine. she was mine and no one is ever gonna be anything like her. no one will ever mean as much to me. i made the wrong dessions and hell i still cant tell you why, but i know that i fucked up and cant take them back. and that ive forever lost her. i couldnt replace her if i wanted to. i keep trying to find something or someone to do that and nothing. i dont think anything could replace her, and even if i could find someone...i dont think they would do much better. ive only been around one other girl that i havent imidiatly compaired to her. but like i said, i hate wanting what i cant have. I cant have her, i cant have my ex...i have nothing. i have a job that doesnt pay the bills, that im getting raped by the shifts. (noted i need to be asleep right now)
fuck it, im drained...i had a long day at work, with a lot of shit on my mind, and now all this came out. i cant deal with life...someone call the morge, im not waking up.