12
welcome to my boredom...
i think im about to go crazy...just sitting around this freaking place is driving me nuts. that and my room mate is pissing me off. but thats nothing new. and you guessed me me+boredom=thinking about C....arg. i know i just need to stop thinking about her so much, maybe go a few days with seeing her or something...that should help, but ive gone today...well i saw her this morning when she left but i went back to sleep. i dont consider that ive spent any time with her today other than talking to her online. which she isnt feeling well and i cant do anything about it...or she doesnt want me to...whatever. i just feel bad that i cant help. i dont want her to be sick...went to the mall today with my friend B and got shit b/c of going to ihop without here...and stupid shit about me liking C to much. everyone keeps telling me the same thing...either that im being stupid for liking her so much or that i just need to give it time and everything will work out. well fuck them...they dont know what i feel right now. they dont know what its like...they dont know anything about me. I get crap about girls from B when all she does is call me to bitch about how her b/f doesnt love her anymore or how much she misses her other b/f's and how things would have been better if she hadn't done something. i get relationship advice from someone who has no right to give it to me.
everytime i find something that makes me happy something happens. i dont know why i even bother breakin anymore or spinning fire. stupid hobbies that i suck at. AHHH! i need to stop being so depressed...but the only time that seems to be is when im around C.
i need to calm down and just go with the flow...like i used to. i cant force anything...but im not gonna get what i want if i dont try for it. i want her...i want to be with her. i want her to want to be with me.
she's a friend...i need to start thinking in terms of that. its just so fucking hard, when everytime i see her i just want to hold her or kiss her or something to let her know. i just want to spend time with her. i want to get to know everything about her. everything i learn about her makes me like her more. fuck all this......im gonna go veg out and watch tv...........
i think im about to go crazy...just sitting around this freaking place is driving me nuts. that and my room mate is pissing me off. but thats nothing new. and you guessed me me+boredom=thinking about C....arg. i know i just need to stop thinking about her so much, maybe go a few days with seeing her or something...that should help, but ive gone today...well i saw her this morning when she left but i went back to sleep. i dont consider that ive spent any time with her today other than talking to her online. which she isnt feeling well and i cant do anything about it...or she doesnt want me to...whatever. i just feel bad that i cant help. i dont want her to be sick...went to the mall today with my friend B and got shit b/c of going to ihop without here...and stupid shit about me liking C to much. everyone keeps telling me the same thing...either that im being stupid for liking her so much or that i just need to give it time and everything will work out. well fuck them...they dont know what i feel right now. they dont know what its like...they dont know anything about me. I get crap about girls from B when all she does is call me to bitch about how her b/f doesnt love her anymore or how much she misses her other b/f's and how things would have been better if she hadn't done something. i get relationship advice from someone who has no right to give it to me.
everytime i find something that makes me happy something happens. i dont know why i even bother breakin anymore or spinning fire. stupid hobbies that i suck at. AHHH! i need to stop being so depressed...but the only time that seems to be is when im around C.
i need to calm down and just go with the flow...like i used to. i cant force anything...but im not gonna get what i want if i dont try for it. i want her...i want to be with her. i want her to want to be with me.
she's a friend...i need to start thinking in terms of that. its just so fucking hard, when everytime i see her i just want to hold her or kiss her or something to let her know. i just want to spend time with her. i want to get to know everything about her. everything i learn about her makes me like her more. fuck all this......im gonna go veg out and watch tv...........