[PRIVATE ~ Words for the Birds that Forgot how to Fly (somebody shoot me)]
I feel as though I’m gonna go crazy. In case that hadn’t already happened sometime along the way… I mean hello? Can my life get any more complicated?
Actually, to be completely honest, it wasn’t just Daisuke that I was trying to run away from, it was from mom too. Ever since he stayed over the last time I knew she overheard us talking about being together. Soon after I heard her talking over the phone to someone, and when she left, I went and kicked the redial button only to realize it was dad’s cell-phone number. Thankfully it was a Friday and I packed myself up to New York and left it all behind.
Things seemed to have chilled down, we never talked about it - partly because I made sure I was never alone with her, or was sleeping or some-such. But ever since I’ve stopped going to New York creating impossible situations to talk has become increasingly stressful as well as unsuccessful. Basketball doesn’t take up nearly enough time and I don’t want go to Jun’s anymore because all she does lately is… well… nag about Daisuke and me breaking up. She means well and I know it, but I so don’t need a second mom X_X; One’s bad enough.
I can’t talk with Hikari either. She’s got her own problems and besides; even though she says it’s all water under the bridge, it’s just that much more awkward. I’ve… well, dated her first boyfriend only to ditch him a year and a half later and I was supposed to be her best friend and talk to her about a new… interest I might be having? That just doesn’t sit right, sorry.
I would talk to Tai about it, but he’s living with Jun and well… he’s got his own problems (namely, my brother). The two of us would probably be a deadly dose… Why am I so complicated, again? I said I’m not gonna grow up to be a new Yamato, and I think we had that covered, but the more the days pass, the more I realize I’m growing to gather similar situations he’s been through. And am reacting the same bloody way. Maybe I should pack my bags and go to the Army, too?
… okay that so wasn’t funny.
There’s days I just want to get up and break something (I want a punching bag for my birthday =_=) and this is one of them. There’s nobody here that’s impartial enough for me to rely on except this electronic journal that archives text only I can read. And it brings no consolation at all. People deal with situations like mine all the time, have I become too spoiled by my friends? And the worst part about it is that I need them, now more than ever, but at the same time I want to be alone. And, above all else, I’m supposed to act as though everything’s all fine and dandy, especially with Daisuke--- oh no. I’m not even gonna go there again. Thinking about him only makes it worse in these situations.
Why doesn’t Michael call me? … ugh. That sounded really… girly. No, but truthfully, why doesn’t he? He used to do that all the time, and now when I call him it rarely gets through. And even when it does it’s all convenience talk, as if he’s stiff and…!!
Wait a minute, that’s it! He’s got to, has to be in some sort of a jam. Or is feeling stressed, or otherwise something has to be wrong. So basically, it should be on me to call him over to rest up some. Mom likes him and it’s been a while since he’s seen the others and…
… and I should just stop making excuses for missing him.