freakin love
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.
hmmm..well alex posted a ton of really neat qoutes/passages like that one while i was away. im not sure what to make of them alll, i really like them. anywho ill jump back to this.
so tonight was heather's bday fiesta. we went down to funzone in balboa and then to bjs. i rode down with sara. she is so neat, it sucks i dont know her better. she is moving in 5 days. not far though thats good. well anyway i rode home with matt tara holly and jeph. it was cramped yet cozy. ha. ok so then i went to taras because i decided i didnt wanna be alone tonight. i was planning on coming straight home but then i felt alone all of a sudden so i went to taras. she cut jeph hair. im diggin it. mark is hilarious. him and gayson kept prank calling ppl. he flips out if someone says vagina. it was funny. i have a big bruise on my leg now though because he chucked his shoe at me REALLY hard. holly is so sweet. i love her. i wish all this crap would go away for everyone. chris is being chris, as usual. well duh then he wouldnt be chris. and tara is super great. so is matt. so is brittany tho. eesh. ok i feel like i have a gazillion friends. this is a positive. YET i feel like i dont have any close ones really. but i guess im getting what i wanted. i totally "broke up" with jessica so i could just breathe and be me and not be glued at the hip with anyone. and im so good just being me...or am i?...me and tara were close for a while, then holly and i, and chris is becoming a good friend, and well alex will always be a good friend...then i have the owens family. do they really know me? i mean they kind of just know the old me and are trying to convert that to the new me. maybe there is no new me. ok one too many tangents.
i really cant wait until the convention. i dont even care about seeing denis. i just want to see everyone. ive changed alot. like im larger now and my hair is darker and well i have some amazingly hott outfits to wear to this thing. stilletos and all. i love getting all dressed up. but im a jeans and t shirt person as well. oh i dont have braces this time around. lol. and i actually get to drive myself. suhweet. i get to do all the befores and afters.
love is amazingly sucky. like i dont know. i want to feel it so bad. i want to fall head over heels. even if my head hits the ground real hard. i wanna feel that rush. maybe im searching too hard? maybe i should 4get about it and its just gonna come a knockin one day all unexpectedly. funny tho i feel like that unexpected has already kind of knocked. but its a long knock. and im not sure if he will ever come inside. i see amazing potential. sometimes. at other times im like what the crap who is this kid. and i feel super lame though because i dont really show my true colors, and he shows his and i see that our colors match...except mine dont show. and the ones that do show are the wrong shade right now. I AM SO RETARDED. i think i care about making sure other ppl are happy too much. i do kind of let myself get walked on. i put other peoples happiness ahead of mine. for ex) i am 100% the type of person who will flat out be like "i dont love you" just because i know they love someone else and right now they want that person and im just in the way. nm bad example. whatev. not even that. i mean i seriously will drive miles for ppl. i will go to the edge of the world and back for some. i wonder if they would the same for me.... the passage at the top says that love is worth taking a risk. ya im all about stepping of that ledge to see if ill either learn to fly or fall. but not when it comes to love. its scared me how much i would do for someone i love. i would move to greenland if the person i loved wanted to. i would seriously like sell my hair to by him a watch (haha that lame story - i just wonder if he would sell his watch to buy me a comb?) i guess im just scared of loving someone who wont love me back. end of thought. im tired.
Jesus is my home boy
hmmm..well alex posted a ton of really neat qoutes/passages like that one while i was away. im not sure what to make of them alll, i really like them. anywho ill jump back to this.
so tonight was heather's bday fiesta. we went down to funzone in balboa and then to bjs. i rode down with sara. she is so neat, it sucks i dont know her better. she is moving in 5 days. not far though thats good. well anyway i rode home with matt tara holly and jeph. it was cramped yet cozy. ha. ok so then i went to taras because i decided i didnt wanna be alone tonight. i was planning on coming straight home but then i felt alone all of a sudden so i went to taras. she cut jeph hair. im diggin it. mark is hilarious. him and gayson kept prank calling ppl. he flips out if someone says vagina. it was funny. i have a big bruise on my leg now though because he chucked his shoe at me REALLY hard. holly is so sweet. i love her. i wish all this crap would go away for everyone. chris is being chris, as usual. well duh then he wouldnt be chris. and tara is super great. so is matt. so is brittany tho. eesh. ok i feel like i have a gazillion friends. this is a positive. YET i feel like i dont have any close ones really. but i guess im getting what i wanted. i totally "broke up" with jessica so i could just breathe and be me and not be glued at the hip with anyone. and im so good just being me...or am i?...me and tara were close for a while, then holly and i, and chris is becoming a good friend, and well alex will always be a good friend...then i have the owens family. do they really know me? i mean they kind of just know the old me and are trying to convert that to the new me. maybe there is no new me. ok one too many tangents.
i really cant wait until the convention. i dont even care about seeing denis. i just want to see everyone. ive changed alot. like im larger now and my hair is darker and well i have some amazingly hott outfits to wear to this thing. stilletos and all. i love getting all dressed up. but im a jeans and t shirt person as well. oh i dont have braces this time around. lol. and i actually get to drive myself. suhweet. i get to do all the befores and afters.
love is amazingly sucky. like i dont know. i want to feel it so bad. i want to fall head over heels. even if my head hits the ground real hard. i wanna feel that rush. maybe im searching too hard? maybe i should 4get about it and its just gonna come a knockin one day all unexpectedly. funny tho i feel like that unexpected has already kind of knocked. but its a long knock. and im not sure if he will ever come inside. i see amazing potential. sometimes. at other times im like what the crap who is this kid. and i feel super lame though because i dont really show my true colors, and he shows his and i see that our colors match...except mine dont show. and the ones that do show are the wrong shade right now. I AM SO RETARDED. i think i care about making sure other ppl are happy too much. i do kind of let myself get walked on. i put other peoples happiness ahead of mine. for ex) i am 100% the type of person who will flat out be like "i dont love you" just because i know they love someone else and right now they want that person and im just in the way. nm bad example. whatev. not even that. i mean i seriously will drive miles for ppl. i will go to the edge of the world and back for some. i wonder if they would the same for me.... the passage at the top says that love is worth taking a risk. ya im all about stepping of that ledge to see if ill either learn to fly or fall. but not when it comes to love. its scared me how much i would do for someone i love. i would move to greenland if the person i loved wanted to. i would seriously like sell my hair to by him a watch (haha that lame story - i just wonder if he would sell his watch to buy me a comb?) i guess im just scared of loving someone who wont love me back. end of thought. im tired.
Jesus is my home boy